May 18, 2022

Gabbing Geek

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A Series Of Unfortunate Events “The Austere Academy Part 1”

Season Two, Episode One.

Hey, this came back!

And already Lemony Snicket is advising us not to go any further because this really is a sad, sad story.

When last we left the Baudelaire orphans, they were sitting on a bench in the Prufrock Preparatory School.  And…they’re still there.  And there’s some nice meta commentary on how they feel like they’ve been there for months and Sunny looks bigger.  Same actress, but she’s noticeably older now, so…

As it is, the Baudelaires are given a tour from one Carmelita Spats, who is cute as a button.  Vice Principal Nero Feint likes her enough to let her not wear the school uniform.  Oh, and she’s awful.  She can make other students do calisthenics on demand.  And her tour, which includes the library (only open for ten minutes a day), but also means the Baudelaires are late for meeting the Vice Principal, a man whose secondary goal is to make sure kids get a world class education at his school.  His primary goal is to be a world-class violinist.  He…isn’t there yet.  He also shows the Baudelaires a nice brochure for the dorms, but you need parental approval to go there.  Orphans get a tin shack.  Unless more orphans show up.  They get a broom closet.

That means Violet goes to one class, Klaus goes to another, and Sunny becomes Feint’s administrative assistant.  Classes consist of pointless anecdotes and measuring worthless amounts of stuff.  Is there anything working in the Baudelaires’ favor?

Yes!

The Quagmires are there!  Also orphans, there used to be three of them, but one died in a fire, and they have clues to a similar background as the Baudelaires.

The librarian is friendly.

Larry the waiter has a book on secret societies for the kids.

And there’s an anti-Olaf computer scanner on the outside.

But wait…Larry and Olaf are both former students of the school.  OK, Olaf was there for a semester and a half or so, but he’s still familiar with the place.  Olaf did steal a bus from the pep squad (school motto:  Memento Mori or “remember you will die” is shouted at pep rallies).  The gym teacher, pep squad, and driver as missing, and Larry got in but lost the book in the library.  And Olaf got Carmelita on his side because they are both awful.  Larry is locked in a freezer, but he knows he’s in a future episode, so he’ll be OK.

And Olaf, in disguise again, is the new gym teacher.

Plus, Olaf threatened the Quagmires before he realized he had the wrong orphans.

Any hope out there?  Yes!  Nathan Fillion as the heroic Jacques Snicket is on his way!

Wait, heroes don’t know what they’re doing on this show…

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