Tales From The Crypt “Loved To Death”

I commented back way for the first Tales from the Crypt write-up that, after all those Twilight Zone entries, it was a little surprising to see some female nudity in my noon anthology show before reminding myself the series originally ran on HBO.  Well, that was a lot of episodes ago, and I needed to get through the rest of season one and then all of season two before there was any more of that.  So, really, for an HBO show, it didn’t rely on female nudity nearly as much as, say, True Blood or Game of Thrones, and this episode didn’t show that much all told.

Anyway, the episode starts with a really lame fantasy-lookin’ romance where a husband (Andrew McCarthy) comes home to his adoring wife (Mariel Hemmingway), who eventually rips her dress off to show some lingerie.  Also, she’s wearing a bad wig.  Anyway, that’s the real McCarthy’s screenplay, or his character at any rate.  Edward Foster wants to write movies, wholesome stuff for the whole family, and one neighbor he confines in seems disappointed to hear that.

Then he spots abrasive neighbor Miranda, a dead wringer for Edward’s movie fantasy wife, and, well….

Yeah, things don’t go well.  Now, I could be inclined to think he might not be too bad.  When he spots Miranda undressing partially to toss her bra into the building’s washing machine, he does have the decency to duck down…unless you consider he does so only when he thinks she might spot him.  Yeah, this really is the plot to Obsession as near as I can make out.  Only Edward doesn’t get some wish stick.  He gets a love potion from the shady landlord no one ever sees.

And oh does it work.  Miranda goes from calling the cops to pulling Edward into the bedroom.  It’s probably worth noting that Edward had put his hands around her while fantasizing about his screenplay wife, so he wasn’t exactly an innocent bystander here.  The guy’s a creep.  If people thought he was a creep back in 1991, I don’t know.  But he sure as hell is one in 2026.

However, yes, now he can’t get Miranda to leave him alone.  He needs time by himself.  He needs a girlfriend who isn’t insane with desire and cartoon character love.  Maybe one that isn’t wearing that awful wig.  So, back to the landlord for deadly poison…that he accidentally drinks himself when Miranda decides he needs the cleaner champagne glass.

So, Edward dies.  Good riddance.  And then he goes to Heaven?  Boo!  Wait…Miranda followed him there, still obsessed.  Sucks to be her, but it serves him right, and she doesn’t seem to notice, so maybe it’ll work out OK…for her that is.  Maybe.

What about the Cryptkeeper?  He’s in bed with a girlfriend, namely a skeleton with a wig.  He knocks the skull off at one point, but he just thinks that’s funny.

Notable Names:  Besides McCarthy and Hemmingway in front of the camera, there’s character actress Kathleen Freeman as a neighbor.  Behind the camera, Tom Mankiewicz, a writer and director of some note, including a couple James Bond screenplays, directs while his cousin John co-wrote the script.