Tales From The Crypt “Four-Sided Triangle”

OK, that episode titles doesn’t make a lick of sense.

On some farm, grumpy farmer’s wife Mrs. Yates beats the farmhand, Mary Jo (Patricia Arquette) for oversleeping, and she threatens to beat her some more if she doesn’t deliver some eggs without a scratch.  Mr. Yates just leers at the young woman until he gets a little handsy, and that comes after he spies on her as she does her chores.

Now, I have noticed that, for an HBO show of this era, Tales from the Crypt has been pretty light on the female nudity.  That doesn’t change here, but seeing as how Mary Jo gathers eggs in a tank top without a bra, and then does a lot of stuff bending over while wearing tight pants, well…she might as well have been naked.  It’s a sleazy scene because Mr. Yates is watching, but it’s also a sleazy scene because the audience was probably supposed to find her hot.  Those are not natural positions to take during chores.

Anyway, Mr. Yates finally gets tired of Mary Jo’s struggles and bashes her over the head with a bottle.  He thinks he killed her.  Mrs. Yates says that they can’t kill the help.  They need the help.  Mary Jo, however, did not die.  But she did think a scarecrow with a clown mask was reaching out a helping hand, after which she goes on and one about this scarecrow as her one true love.

Wow.  Mr. Yates hit her in the head pretty hard.

Actually, she is acting nuts, and when Mr. Yates has had enough, he devices a scheme to get into Mary Jo’s pants by putting on the scarecrow’s clothes and posing as the thing when Mary Jo comes by for a date.  Small problem: Mrs. Yates is suspicious her husband is stepping out on her, but when she finds Mary Jo with the scarecrow, she decides to prove to Mary Jo what a fool the farmhand is and stabs the scarecrow through with a pitchfork to prove it’s just straw.

Excerpt Mr.Yates was in there.  And while I didn’t know that for certain…yeah, it wasn’t a surprise.

And then Mary Jo stabs Mrs. Yates with the same pitchfork and wanders off.  Good for her.

Wait, that whole thing was an elaborate con?  Sure, why not?

What about the Cryptkeeper?  Apparently, he’s a farmer now.

Notable Names:  Arquette, the other Tom Holland co-wrote and directed the episode