Tales From The Crypt “Lover Come Hack To Me”

I was a little surprised, after so much Twilight Zone, to see some topless women when I switched to this show, but the nudity in this episode, it’s a guy’s butt.  So…equality?  Maybe?

Eh, not really, but there hasn’t been as much nudity as an HBO show might imply.

Oh, everyone loves a wedding…except the bride’s Aunt Edith, who thinks the long-haired guy in the suit with the massive shoulder pads (this is such an 80s-looking episode) is only after her niece Peggy’s money.  Charles doesn’t exactly deny it, but he does tell Edith she’ll need to move out when they get back from their honeymoon.  As for Peggy (Amanda Plummer), she’s a shy, squeaky-voiced thing.  You just know Charles took advantage of her.  Then again, this is Tales from the Crypt, so it will probably turn out to be the other way.

Anyway, the car gets stopped by a downed tree in a big storm, so the couple makes it to a large, abandoned house where everything but the telephone doesn’t work, so that’s suspicious.  And Edith was right about Charles.  He brought a gun to end his marriage early and get her money.  But then there’s the lovemaking, Peggy’s first time, and it’s…great apparently.

Or it would be if Charles didn’t hear what sounds like Peggy with another man downstairs…one that she hacks to death.  Charles passes through her a few times, and that’s when he realizes this isn’t Peggy but her late mother, and the murdered man is Peggy’s father.  That’s horrifying.  Also, he didn’t realize his wife was wearing different clothes and had very different hair.  Charles might not be that observant.

Yeah, it turns out, Peggy wanted the perfect wedding night so she could also hack Charles to death, and his best defense is he married her for her money.  Seriously.  She thinks he loves her, even though he brought a gun.  Somehow, his gun is unloaded though…

Edith picks Peggy up the next morning, Peggy sure she is pregnant with another little girl, and the cycle continues.  If there’s a reoccurring theme in this show, it’s that bad people always come to bad ends when they inadvertently run into someone worse than themselves without realizing it until it is too late.

What about the Cryptkeeper?  Very low key for this one.  Puns are at a minimum.  He chops a hunk of meat in the opening and puts on a top hat in the closing, but that’s about it.

Notable Names:  Plummer, director Tom Holland (the 80s horror director, not Spider-Man)