July 21, 2024

Gabbing Geek

Your online community for all things geeky.

Going Through X-Men: The Animated Series Part 4

Tom and Jimmy talk bad vacations and problematic relatives.

Previously on X-Chat

tomk:  Every Canadian probably does it at some point.

jimmy:  We love Wolverine.

tomk:  As much as you love Crocodile Dundee?

jimmy:  More.

tomk:  As much as he loves Crocodile Dundee?

jimmy:  Less.

tomk:  Ok. Parameters set.

“Slave Island”

Storm has good reason to give a resort a bad Yelp review.

jimmy:  I hope Xavier’s got house insurance.

tomk:  It’s hard to insure a house with mutants living on the premises.

jimmy:  I hope Xavier’s got a large savings account.

tomk:  Someone has to maintain the Danger Room.

jimmy:  Good point. That stuff gets routinely destroyed and is not cheap I’m sure.

tomk:  Chuck probably uses his telepathy for insider trading purposes.

jimmy:  

tomk:  It’s untraceable.

jimmy:  It’s brilliant.

tomk:  It has nothing to do with how Cable was apparently rescuing the rest of X-Force.

jimmy:  That kinda came out of nowhere. And I’m pretty sure Cable wasn’t in the US Army.

tomk:  Well, the Genoshans all look do like they just quit G I Joe.

jimmy:  At least they were smart enough to not put the mutants in their cells dressed in full costume.

tomk:  Or turn their powers on at any time.

jimmy:  As long as they can turn them off again at any time, they feel they’re all good.  An army of Sentinels also helps.

tomk:  As long as they don’t get friendly with one that has some lock picking skills.

jimmy:  Those digital looking power controlled locks sure were easy for Jubilee to pick with a sliver of metal.

tomk:  90s tech was a lot more vulnerable to slivers of all kinds.

jimmy:  Apparently so.

tomk:  Slivers: the Sentinels’ one weakness!

jimmy:

Here’s six slivers, bub!

tomk:  Who you callin’ bub?

jimmy:  I’m not, he is.

tomk:  You can also drown a Sentinel apparently.

jimmy:  Not that one that was living underwater and captured Storm.

tomk:  He was snorkeling.

jimmy:  Genosha is well known by snorkeling aficionados.

tomk:  It’s why Gambit wanted to go there.

jimmy:  I could tell by his snorkeling attire.

tomk:  That’s a snorkeling trench coat if ever I saw one.

jimmy:  Deep pockets.

tomk:  Like ones Xavier has to pay bills?

jimmy:  Let’s hope so.

tomk:  You always say that when someone destroys a mansion.

jimmy:  You’d think they’d be sturdier.

tomk:  Depends on what happened.

jimmy:  Given this world, probably got hit by something unstoppable.

tomk:  Like the Professor’s moonshine still exploding?

jimmy:  

tomk:  It’s always the guy you least suspect.

jimmy:  Or most suspect.

tomk:  Like Dazzler playing with matches?

jimmy:  I would not expect that.

tomk:  No one does.

jimmy:  What do people expect?

tomk:  Not to be captured by giant robots and put to work during a tropical vacation.

jimmy:  It happens to the best of us.

tomk:  Really?  When?

jimmy:  Well, not us, but, it happens.

tomk:  Ok, and what exactly was Cable doing there?

jimmy:  …I don’t know.

tomk:  Nobody does.

jimmy:  At least Rob Liefeld doesn’t get a royalty check.

tomk:  Or does he?

jimmy:  I doubt it. Definitely not in the early 90’s anyway.

tomk:  So, I shouldn’t ask him to draw your portrait?

jimmy:  No. No you shouldn’t.

tomk:  Who should I ask to draw your portrait?

jimmy:  Do I need a portrait?

tomk:  For the lobby.  Ryan got Alex Ross for himself, and he’ll only do one.

jimmy:  Nice. Great choice.

tomk:  I got Alan Davis.  Jenny hired Nicola Scott.  Jonathan some dude who does album covers.  And Watson hired Frank Miller to draw yours.

jimmy:  Current Frank Miller or early 80’s Frank Miller?

tomk:  We don’t have a time machine.

jimmy:  D’oh!

tomk:  Seeing as how this makes as much sense as Cable’s involvement in the episode, do you have anything else to add about Storm’s great vacation?

jimmy:  Don’t go to Genosha?

tomk:  That’s right up there on my list right under “don’t date robots” and “don’t leave your chewing gum on the bedpost overnight.”

jimmy:  The former you don’t always know in advance.

tomk:  You should.

jimmy:  I should check their drivers license.

tomk:  Well, do you know anything about family members for our jolly team?

jimmy:  Like, siblings?

tomk:  Second cousins maybe.

jimmy:  I might know something about that.

tomk:  Your cousin Quentin Impossible?

jimmy:  Sure.

tomk:  That guy sucks.

jimmy:  Yes. Every family’s got a Quentin.

tomk:  Xavier’s is pretty bad.

jimmy:  How bad?

tomk:  He tends to make a mess whenever he comes over.

jimmy:  How much mess?

tomk:  You gotta see it to believe it.

jimmy:  Let’s see it!

tomk:  You got it!

“The Unstoppable Juggernaut”

An unexpected family visit causes tension around the mansion.

jimmy:  Step brothers. Sheesh. Am I right?

tomk:  I wouldn’t know.

jimmy:  Which of them has the gem of Cyttorak?

tomk:  The destructive one.

jimmy:  That could be either. Let’s go with JCR to piss off Jenny.

tomk:  Fair call, Jimmy. You get a pizza.

jimmy:  For breakfast?

tomk:  Or lunch.

jimmy:  Better.

tomk:  You can have it when you want it.

jimmy:  Nice. I’ll need it to replenish my energy from unsuccessfully fighting Juggernaut.

tomk:  Why would you fight the Juggernaut?

jimmy:  Why wouldn’t I?

tomk:  He’s unstoppable?

jimmy:  That’s a good reason.

tomk:  I mean, you don’t wanna hurt.

jimmy:  I don’t.

tomk:  Leave that to the professionals.

jimmy:  They didn’t fare much better.

tomk:  They got him to go away, didn’t they?

jimmy:  Yeah, though Rogue didn’t enjoy it.

tomk:  You think the others enjoyed filling out all the paperwork after busting Colossus out of jail?

jimmy:  No?

tomk: Because they didn’t bring Juggy back. As far as the cops know, Colossus still robbed that bank.

jimmy:  Xavier probably mind wiped them or something.

tomk:  When?  He wasn’t there.

jimmy:  He can use Cerebro to reach out pretty much anywhere.

tomk:  Jean had Cerebro.

jimmy:  Right. Then maybe Jean did it. Or it was the end of the episode and no one cared.

tomk:  You might be right there, Jimmy.

jimmy:  And Beast had another opportunity to escape and just decided to chill.

tomk:  That’s because Beast actually did commit his crimes.

jimmy:  But plead not guilty.

tomk:  But apparently, there’s only one jail.

jimmy:  No one stays in long enough to need more. Well, besides Beast.

tomk:  They had to book that Russian guy who has been a longtime X-Man in the comics but never part of the main cast of any animated series or live action team movie.

jimmy:  He was in Deadpool a lot.

tomk:  Which is not a team movie.

jimmy:  You and your literal stickiness.

tomk:  I phrased everything the way I did for a reason.

jimmy:  Maybe they didn’t know how to write a man made of metal versus the master of magnetism.

tomk:  You’d think those two would make for a good mismatched buddies comedy. It practically writes itself.

jimmy:  I like it!

Metal and Magnets

tomk:  It’ll give a whole new twist to the Fastball Special.

jimmy:  Until the cops come and take away Colossus with ease.

tomk:  They might have had trouble booking him since he only goes by “Colossus” here.

jimmy:  Because “Last Name” is a required field?

tomk:  He called himself “Colossus of Russia” at the construction site.

jimmy:  Last name: “of Russia”. Got it.

tomk:  It might have been “from Russia.”

jimmy:  Either way, he’s probably good.

tomk:  He better be. I don’t think we see him again.

jimmy:  Or maybe he spends the rest of the series in prison.

tomk:  Someone needs to keep Beast company.

jimmy:  He has his books.

tomk:  I hope he has a decent prison library. I don’t think Andy Dufresne is in the next cell.

jimmy:  Maybe 50 years prior.

tomk:  They sent Beast to Shawshank?

jimmy:  Do you know they didn’t?

tomk:  I am not sure that’s a good argument.

jimmy:  What would be a good argument?

tomk:  Something about how the X-Men love Stephen King   I dunno.

jimmy:  Stephen King loving the X-Men might make more sense.

tomk:  Because Pennywise is a mutant?

jimmy:  He could be.

tomk:  And Cujo?

jimmy:  Maybe not Cujo.

tomk:  Christine?

Those Overlook Twins?

Randal Flagg?

The Tommyknockers?

jimmy:

tomk:  Oh, the Judges came back.

jimmy:  They couldn’t stay away.

tomk:  Good. Ask them why it looks like Colossus rebuilt the mansion by himself.

jimmy:  Judges?

tomk:  I guess it will have to remain a mystery.

jimmy:  I’m sure mansions are quick and easy to build.

tomk:  Even with a Danger Room?

jimmy:  Sure. Why not.

tomk:  What about a Peril Chamber?

jimmy:  That may be asking too much.

tomk:  And a Batcave?

jimmy:  Now we’re crossing the streams.

tomk:  Don’t all mansions have secret lairs?

jimmy:  I wouldn’t know.

tomk:  You should find out since the Beaver and Moose are moving into one.

jimmy:  They’re making more money than me apparently.

tomk:  They’ve been selling copies of the keys to your donut stash.

jimmy:  Sons of…

tomk:  They set a room aside for you.

jimmy:  A danger room?

tomk:  No, a comfortable room.

jimmy:  Nice.

tomk:  It’s in the basement and has no windows.

jimmy:  I’m used to that.

tomk:  There may also be a raccoon named Bitey.

jimmy:  He’s the big one.

tomk:  Who’s the smaller one?

jimmy:  Nibbler.

tomk:  Makes sense.

jimmy:  With Juggernaut gone, I guess things will be quiet now for the X-Men.

tomk:  There might be other bank robbers.

jimmy:  The X-Men are well known for their stories of catching bank robbers.

tomk:  Should we check?

jimmy:  Who else will?

tomk:  Spider-Man?

jimmy:  Not yet.

tomk:  What about Namor the Sub-Mariner?

jimmy:  Maybe?

tomk:  We need better than maybe. We should check ourselves.

jimmy:  Let’s go.

tomk:  You got it.

NEXT TIME:  “The Cure” and “Come the Apocalypse”