March 3, 2024

Gabbing Geek

Your online community for all things geeky.

Weekend Trek “Star Trek: Insurrection”

Picard goes rogue to save a community on a planet that slows down the aging process.

Star Trek: Insurrection:  a movie Jimmy and Tom actually disagree over.

Hey, it happens.

Star Trek: Insurrection

Picard objects to a plan for an out-of-the-way planet’s population.

jimmy:  Wasn’t this the plot of the episode with Worf’s brother?

tomk:  Now that you mention it, it sort of is. I think you just started another Jimmy Impossible Dance Party.


tomk:  I figured you’d like Dance Parties more than Garbage Day Guy.

jimmy:  You figured right.

tomk:  You probably prefer oral surgery to Garbage Day Guy, but then we have a movie with a singing Worf.

jimmy:  Ugh.  That scene was cringe-worthy.

tomk:  So, I should cancel the concert of Worf, Picard, Data, and let’s say Moe I set up for your birthday?

jimmy:  Don’t cancel.  We’ll break the news to them once they get here and have some cake.

tomk:  You just want to hang out with them, don’t you?

jimmy:  You don’t?

tomk:  I get the impression you liked it better when Sideshow Bob sang the score to the HMS Pinafore.

jimmy:  Definitely.

tomk:  He’s on a different ship. Picard’s Enterprise collided with it multiple times in a time loop.

jimmy:  And with a lot less singing.

tomk:  Captain Bob sings when he goes down with his ship.

jimmy:  We only saw the Enterprise point of view.

tomk:  Picard, if he can, plays the flute.

jimmy:  No flutes there or here.

tomk:  His flute wasn’t handy.

jimmy:  And his hands were too busy.

tomk:  That’s what Crusher said.

jimmy:  Crusher didn’t have much to say about anything.  Her and Troi were given even less to do than in First Contact.

tomk:  Troi at least got a romantic subplot. Crusher never gets anything to do in the movies aside from maybe fall overboard.

jimmy:  And most of that subplot ended up on the cutting room floor based on the deleted scenes.

tomk:  Crusher had a subplot?

jimmy:  No.  Troi.

tomk:  Troi was getting all cutesy with Riker, whose face was not as smooth as an android’s bottom.

jimmy:  The scene where Troi plays with Riker’s neck was originally much, much longer.

tomk:  Wait, I could have gotten more neck playing action?

jimmy:  Same neck playing, but much more flirting. And a library on the Enterprise complete with librarian loudly shushing people when they make too much noise.

tomk:  Wait, on a ship with a computerized library and even a replicator, they need a library?

jimmy:  Make more or less sense than a joystick rising up out of the middle of the bridge?

tomk:  What?  You haven’t seen Galaxy Quest?

jimmy:  Seen?  Yes. Remember?  No. Insurrection also predates it by a year.

tomk:  Well…have you seen Die Hard?

jimmy:  Only every Christmas Eve.

tomk:  And isn’t it awesome?

jimmy:  So awesome.

tomk:  Yeah, well…that’s all I had.

jimmy:  BTW, the library was full of computer terminals.

tomk:  But they have those in their rooms.

jimmy:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tomk:  OK, here’s a better question:  the rejuvenating effect came from the planet’s rings.  The entire population was 600 people in one village who shunned technology.  Why not set up the Federation base on the other side of the planet?

jimmy:  Picard suggested that. Admiral Forgettable said it would take 10 years for the rejuvenating properties to take effect and some of the stretchy face guys didn’t have that long.

tomk:  But it seemed to be working instantly on the main cast.

jimmy:  That’s true. I’m sure he said something along those lines. And getting pimples and firming up boobs are a far cry from fixing whatever the hell they had going on.

tomk:  Look, you just can’t resist the siren call of F. Murray Abraham.

jimmy:  That was a hell of a scream near the end.

tomk:  F.  Murray.  Abraham.

jimmy:  Apes A Poppin. We’ll watch that when “Cult Watch” makes an unexpected comeback.

tomk:  We are running out of TNG.

jimmy:  With this one and the reputation of Nemesis, that might not be a bad thing.

tomk:  Actually, I didn’t see this one when it was new and probably saw Nemesis first. When I finally did see this one, I actually liked it. I find it a charming little story. It’s got some decent-to-good comedy bits. The cast has reached the same level of familiarity with each other and their roles that the original series cast did with their movies. If anything, it’s just a letdown from the blatantly superior First Contact.

jimmy:  It felt like a mediocre episode that offered nothing to justify it being a feature film.

tomk:  Mediocre?  I think it’s like a fun episode and a chance to hang out with old friends.

jimmy:  It’s fine and mostly forgettable. No wonder I had no recollection of seeing it…25 years ago. Ugh.

tomk:  Geordi regrew his eyes somehow too.

jimmy:  All part of getting younger. Like Worf’s zit.

tomk:  I’m told there was originally a plot line where Worf is haunted by Jadzea’s death, but they thought that was too dark for this movie.

jimmy:  It would be. And doesn’t really jive with the reverse aging deal.

tomk:  Instead, he gets pimples and probably the Klingon version of a wet dream.

jimmy:  So, one of the things that bugged me about this one was Worf just happening to be there.  I know it’s minor and he had to be involved somehow, but his showing up was much more organic in First Contact.

tomk:  What?  You want to get the gang back together without him?

jimmy:  No, of course not, I just wanted his appearance to be more satisfying.

tomk:  You wanted him to just smack around F Murray Abraham and say, “Stretch this!”

jimmy:  No, but to show up in a way other than “oh yeah, Worf is here”.

tomk:  You probably wouldn’t have liked the first draft where Picard just goes into his Ready Room and finds Worf in there eating Picard’s macaroons.

jimmy:  I do like macaroons.

tomk:  But you would be fine if that was how Worf came back?

jimmy:  No. I can’t give you an answer about how he should have come back, I just didn’t like this way.

tomk:  You sure are hard to please sometimes.

jimmy:  Sometimes.

tomk:  Does this please you?

jimmy:  It does.

tomk:  Well, good.  You probably liked it when Worf showed up to help Bunny Ash because he just happened to be in the area.

jimmy:  Aargh.

tomk:  C’mon. You know you wanna see Worf vs. The Evil Dead.


I do now.

tomk:  You may also want to see Picard romance an older woman.

jimmy:  That’s the way he likes them apparently.  Though not much happened in the way of romance.  Their one kiss ended up on the cutting room floor, which Stewart wasn’t happy about.

tomk:  That’s because the real action happened off camera and was too hot for Star Trek.

jimmy:  I’ve seen the scene.  It wasn’t that hot.  And was all in slo-mo during that scene where the waterfall and hummingbird seem to defy the passage of time.

tomk:  Hummingbirds only make sense if your shift at the Kwik-E-Mart runs into a third day.


tomk:  Besides, I suspect Picard’s insurrection will be short-lived.

jimmy:  So, the Admiral had his own issues, and now he’s dead (thanks to a skin stretching machine that didn’t kill others) but Picard and crew were still violating direct orders from the Federation.

tomk:  Oh yeah. Good thing there’s a war going on with the Dominion.  Someone might notice otherwise.

jimmy:  They do like to bring the Dominion up in the movies.

tomk:  It was still happening when this movie came out.

jimmy:  Yes.  Though the Starfleet flagship doesn’t seem to get involved.

tomk:  It would probably be bad if the Dominion blew up the Enterprise.

jimmy:  There’s always more letters.

tomk:  But no more Picards.

jimmy:  Well…

tomk:  Jack Crusher is a Crusher.

jimmy:  Half of him anyway.

tomk:  He also probably hasn’t been born yet.

jimmy:  Oh you and your understanding of how time works.

tomk:  You’ve done that in the past.

jimmy:  So that’s two movies in a row where Picard disobeyed a direct order.

tomk:  In Starfleet, it’s OK if it’s from a jerk. And most admirals are jerks.

jimmy:  What about Admiral Picard and Riker later?

tomk:  Riker made admiral?

jimmy:  I thought he was in Picard, looks like I’m mistaken.

tomk:  And see?  Picard is kind of a jerk on that show.

jimmy:  I guess it comes with age.

tomk:  Kids never respect their elders.

jimmy:  You mentioned it earlier, but there seemed to be numerous easier solutions to the situation. Like, they have a whole planet, couldn’t they start a colony on the other side of the world?  Or find a way to collect samples from the rings in a less destructive way?

I mentioned that the Admiral said it could take 10 years for the planet to take effect on the stretchy skin guys and some of them didn’t have that long. So, 600 was a small number of people to displace, but it was fine to do so to save a handful of others?

Plus, why would it take so long?  The Enterprise was there 15 minutes and Geordi had a new set of eyes.

tomk:  Those are good questions, Jimmy.  And there’s a very good answer for it. You can have the answers, or you can have what’s in the mystery box.

jimmy:  You have to take the mystery box. It could be anything!  Even the answers!

tomk:  It’s tickets to Watson’s one-man show about the Garbage Day Guy.


tomk:  The stretchy guys were offering new tech to Starfleet and wanted revenge on the people who banished them. There ya go.

jimmy:  Those guys were jerks.

Did we talk about them reshooting the ending similar to having to for Generations,

tomk:  No.

Say, Jimmy, did you hear they had to reshoot the ending like they did for Generations?

jimmy:  I did!

So, the original ending had FMA getting jettisoned with the probe up into the rings. At which point he started rapidly de-aging until he Benjamin Button-ed himself out of existence.

Test audiences found it anticlimactic and confusing. So they reshot it, making it more of a fight between him and Picard. And adding the array being destroyed and the Enterprise swooping in at the last second to save them.

tomk:  That sounds more exciting. F Murray Abraham has had it coming since he tried to ruin Mozart.

jimmy:  F.  Murray. Abraham.

tomk:  Well, I hope you learned a valuable lesson, Jimmy.

jimmy:  I did. Was it the same lesson you learned?

tomk:  I learned you should be nice to your mama or she might exile you from the Planet of Eternal Youth.

jimmy:  I think they more exiled themselves.

tomk:  Then why not just go back and apologize?  That seems much simpler than just being evil.

jimmy:  Then we wouldn’t have a movie.

tomk:  Sure.  It could be, I dunno, the Klingons who want the place.  Then there’s a better reason to bring Worf in.

jimmy:  I like it!

tomk:  Or hey, the Dominion War is still going on.  That could mean Worf shows up in the Defiant when the Jem’Heddar try to take over the planet.

jimmy:  Where were you with these ideas in 1998?!?

tomk:  Grad school?

jimmy:  What a waste.

tomk:  Sure.  For them.

jimmy:  Is that you on the right?

tomk:  Only if it’s you on the left.

jimmy:  I’m usually a little taller, but sure!  Why not?

tomk:  You asked if I learned the same lesson you did. What did you learn?

jimmy:  I should forget about Star Trek: Insurrection again.

tomk:  Your final insult is as smooth as an android’s bottom.


tomk:  That gif cuts out the punchline.

jimmy:  I know. Now we’ll never know.

tomk:  But I remember it.

jimmy:  Time to grade?

tomk:  8.5 out of 10 sudden Klingon hair growth.

jimmy:  7 out of 10 losing your powers by shaving Riker’s beard.

tomk:  You had powers?  What?  Political powers?

jimmy:  I didn’t lose my powers.

tomk:  You might with the next movie.

jimmy:  I don’t remember much about that one either outside of it being awful.

tomk:  I got two words for you then:  dune buggies!

jimmy:  Kirk drives a motorcycle, how different can it be?

tomk:  You’ll see.

jimmy:  I will.

tomk:  Time for one last trip to the Neutral Zone.

Next:  Star Trek: Insurrection