There’s a feeling that long running shows reaching their final endpoint where the really weird or crazy stuff comes out. Does it get much crazier than the crew devolving into wild animals? Probably not.
Jimmy and Tom have some thoughts on that sort of thing.
Picard and Data return to the ship to find the rest of the crew transformed in unexpected ways.
jimmy: I don’t know that this should have been a two parter, but if sure did seem to wrap up rather quickly at the end.
tomk: Well, it did take its time in the beginning.
jimmy: That’s true.
tomk: They didn’t exactly rush Picard and Data off the ship.
jimmy: They had to make sure Spot was looked after.
tomk: And show Worf’s extreme frustration over that lost torpedo.
jimmy: And some disgusting food.
tomk: Jimmy, did you eat your GAGH! or did you feed it to Watson’s dog again?
jimmy: I didn’t eat it, that’s all I’m saying.
tomk: Good. Because Watson doesn’t have a dog.
jimmy: I didn’t eat Troi’s caviar either.
tomk: What did you eat?
jimmy: A Mr. Big bar.
tomk: I thought you would go for something else.
jimmy: I never heard of them but now I want them.
tomk: Well, I have never heard of a Mr Big bar.
jimmy: I wondered that.
tomk: I’ll bet the Polkaroo gives those out.
jimmy: How do you think I got the one I had?
tomk: Convenience store?
jimmy: Or trick or treating.
tomk: What costume did you wear for that? President of the Watson fan club?
jimmy: That results in more tricks than treats.
tomk: Or more scares.
jimmy: Watson having a fan club is a scary thought.
tomk: What’s wrong with Emma Watson?
jimmy: I’m thinking more William.
tomk: All I know is that wereworf costume isn’t going to wear itself.
jimmy: Riker can wear it.
tomk: Sure. If he remembers how zippers work.
jimmy: He’ll remember the next time he’s in the arboretum with the new tactical officer.
tomk: But not when he grows that unibrow again.
jimmy: Chicks don’t dig the unibrow.
tomk: That’s why he was trying to eat Picard’s tropical fish…that had devolved into a jellyfish.
jimmy: There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what people devolved into.
tomk: There are other problems. Did Worf eat anyone? Did Alexander also turn into one of those? And where was everybody?
jimmy: Like when Picard and Data returned you mean?
jimmy: Hiding in corners and under couches probably.
tomk: And why did Data say Troi was no longer human? Did he forget she’s half Betazoid?
jimmy: Maybe? Data was devolving into a Commodore 64.
tomk: So, Worf ate at least one other member of the crew, didn’t he?
jimmy: Did he eat one?
tomk: Well, he bit Troi, sprayed a bad special effect in Crusher’s face, and someone killed that guy on the bridge.
jimmy: But not eaten.
tomk: Really? I didn’t see that Ben guy from Ten-Forward hanging around afterwards
jimmy: That may be.
And biting Troi was more foreplay for yet again another Troi and Worf together but not really episode.
tomk: Klingons apparently love frogs.
jimmy: Given what he was eating at the beginning, that seems about right.
tomk: He left a lot behind when he had to shred his bedding.
jimmy: Everyone knows armadillo men like to sleep on the floor.
tomk: Is that what Worf turned into?
jimmy: Probably not, but that’s kinda what he looked like in the end.
tomk: Maybe he was turning into that pig thing he had as a pet according to season one?
jimmy: Could be. Though he looked a lot uglier and more armored than that.
tomk: Maybe he was turning into the Rhino so he could go battle Spider-Man in Engineering.
jimmy: Peter-Barkley scared Picard.
tomk: Picard was turning into another Spider-foe.
Here he is consulting with devolved Riker.
Meanwhile, Troi had this whole thing going on:
jimmy: Huh. I never realized it was the worst Spider-Man crossover ever.
tomk: Worse than the Clone Saga?
jimmy: I actually don’t mind the Clone Saga.
tomk: The entire Clone Saga?
jimmy: It’s a guilty pleasure.
tomk: Even the part that revealed Watson was Judas Traveler?
jimmy: Now that’s just silly. Like eating caviar for lunch.
tomk: You’re the one saying this is worse than One More Day.
jimmy: Worse than what?
tomk: The crossover story where the Sinister Six wrote season eight of Game of Thrones.
jimmy: Now I know you’re kidding since GOT season 8 isn’t out yet.
tomk: The Sinister Six never finished because Spider-Man arrested them all first.
jimmy: Nice. Now he needs to clean up the Enterprise.
tomk: He started in Engineering.
jimmy: Barclay did kinda look like this guy:
tomk: Maybe this will finally reveal where Mary Jane went at the end of that series. What an embarrassing unresolved plot point.
jimmy: If anything like this episode everything returned to normal with no ill effects. Except for that red shirt Worf killed.
tomk: Or maybe it was Riker who killed him.
Or, most embarrassingly, Geordi after he devolved into a blind rabbit.
jimmy: All plausible scenarios. Though given how tired Geordi was, he probably turned into a sloth.
tomk: Those are worse.
jimmy: See, that could have killed the red shirt.
tomk: All kinds of things could have killed that red shirt.
jimmy: Bad movies could for sure.
tomk: That might make it more of a suicide.
jimmy: It might drive me there.
tomk: But then you’ll never see the end of The Last Airbender or Young Justice.
jimmy: Fine. I’ll stick around.
tomk: Good. You can even have one of Spot’s kittens.
jimmy: The dogs might not like that.
jimmy: That seems unlikely.
tomk: Why not? Dogs love kittens.
jimmy: I guess we’ll find out. Better than having a lizard for a mom I guess.
tomk: The kitten might have a forked tongue. But he comes with a free frogurt!
jimmy: A frog urt? Is that where frogs live?
tomk: It devolved to one, yes.
jimmy: I’m just surprised that animals can roam the ship and sneak off for a booty call.
tomk: You don’t wanna know what hijinks Picard’s fish gets up to.
jimmy: I thought those were Riker’s girlfriends?
tomk: Riker is dating Picard’s fish?
jimmy: Didn’t you say that’s what was in the tank when Riker turned into unfrozen caveman lawyer?
tomk: Well, the fish turned into a jellyfish. I don’t know what a hijinks fish is.
jimmy: Maybe we should talk about something else.
tomk: Ok. So I heard you and Watson are sharing an office now.
jimmy: I meant something else from this episode.
tomk: Ok. So I heard you and Watson were arguing over whether or not Troi was still attractive as an amphibian woman in your new shared office.
jimmy: I said no. Watson said yes.
tomk: She probably would reject both of you.
tomk: Well, she did date Riker for a while. As a frog woman, she might mistake one of you for him.
jimmy: Do frogs have bad eyesight?
jimmy: He is driving without glasses, so it can’t be that bad.
tomk: With those pupils? And he did date a pig.
jimmy: That thought did give me pause.
tomk: It probably should. Also, don’t make a bear your variety show’s comedy act. Most don’t react well to hecklers.
jimmy: Get frog’s eyesight checked. No stand up bears. Got it.
tomk: However, a dog playing the piano sounds awesome.
jimmy: That’s probably what that bartender Ben devolved to…before Worf ate him.
tomk: They’re gonna need a new keyboardist in Ten-Forward. Data might be able to help there.
jimmy: Who thought that meme would ever be a legitimate and relevant point in a conversation?
tomk: I dunno. Better than some.
jimmy: This is why we can’t have nice chats.
tomk: What if we changed things up and added something you do like?
jimmy: Better. Much better.
tomk: Cousin Minka saves the day again. She even gave Data that retrovirus.
jimmy: She can do anything.
tomk: Did she prevent the Moose from devolving into a Watson?
jimmy: Yes. Thank God.
tomk: She’s a valued member of the family.
jimmy: Valued by me for sure.
tomk: Uh huh. Is that the Ms I see coming to deliver your lunch?
jimmy: I wasn’t here.
tomk: Fair enough. It looks like a bucket of fried chicken.
More for me.
tomk: Who said that?
jimmy: It’s me. Jimmy. I just got here.
tomk: Ok, here’s your empty box of donuts and a half-full bucket of chicken with two or three ketchup chips.
jimmy: More than enough.
tomk: How’s the new diet working out?
jimmy: Can you tell?
tomk: I can tell you’ve been gazing longingly at the vending machine for the past hour.
jimmy: It’s soothing. Like Riker gazing into a fish tank.
tomk: He was pounding on it. And the snacks in that machine all devolved into beef jerky.
jimmy: Except the Twinkies.
tomk: That’s right. They evolved into beef jerky.
tomk: So that was Gates McFadden’s only directorial job for Star Trek.
jimmy: It was fine. I can’t say it stood out in a good or bad way.
tomk: Not even when it got a little creepy or Worf sprayed Crusher in the face?
jimmy: I’m not sure another director would have handled it much differently.
tomk: And this is how I know you aren’t Watson in disguise after a mention of a woman getting sprayed in the face.
jimmy: It took that to figure it out?
tomk: People can be tricky.
jimmy: And sometimes they turn into lemurs.
tomk: Data (and Cousin Minka) took care of that.
jimmy: That’ll learn Crusher from activating dormant genes.
tomk: I blame science.
jimmy: Science. Pfft. What good has ever come from that?
tomk: Yeah, besides medicine, indoor plumbing, agriculture, the Internet, mass transit, space travel, television, and the stun gun you use on Watson whenever he isn’t looking, what has science ever done for you?
jimmy: Yeah! Besides those things!
tomk: Well, it can insert random Canadians into other settings.
tomk: The only problem is some monsterism.
jimmy: You can’t make science without creating a few monsters.
tomk: Speaking of monsters, there being only a couple episodes left, maybe we should check in on this series’s biggest one last time.
jimmy: The Crystalline Entity!!!???!
tomk: Um, no. That thing exploded.
jimmy: Those blue parasite things that if they had a name I don’t remember it???!??
tomk: The Bluegills? No, and not the Borg either.
jimmy: I think that covers everyone.
tomk: I dunno. What about Wesley Crusher?
jimmy: One last school science project to threaten the universe I guess.
tomk: Or something.
Ready to find out?