So, there are a few rather notorious episodes of Star Trek. They pop up in each and every series. And yes, even this late into The Next Generation when the show was essentially doing a victory lap, there could still be a stinker or two.
Then again, Tom is on-record for admitting he likes “Spock’s Brain.”
Anyway, Jimmy and Tom are off to chat about Dr. Crusher’s ghost romance.
Dr. Crusher meets a romantic ghost that had previously seduced her grandmother.
jimmy: I’ve watched worse hours of television, but this certainly wasn’t very good.
tomk: There are much worse episodes of this series, but this one makes top ten worst Trek lists for some reason.
jimmy: It’s not very Trek-y and it fails hard at being a horror/ghost story.
tomk: You weren’t spooked by fog on the bridge?
jimmy: No. Were you?
tomk: Nah. They weren’t.
jimmy: Only Picard knew what fog was.
tomk: Which…what? There’s no fog anymore on Earth?
jimmy: I dunno. Data was describing it at an elemental level. Everyone else looked bewildered. Picard’s like “oh, it’s fog.”
tomk: Sounds more like they didn’t understand Data than they didn’t know what fog was.
jimmy: That could be. How come Data didn’t know what fog was?
tomk: Maybe Data just can’t explain things.
jimmy: Oh Data.
tomk: He has to be precise. Weird Scottish weather and the occasional ghost aren’t something he knows a lot about.
jimmy: Data should read more.
tomk: Or maybe less.
jimmy: Or maybe more about 800 year old ghosts on the wrong planet.
tomk: They should have taken Ronan or Rohan or whatever that Canadian actor’s character’s name was to the Lucky Charms colony from season two.
jimmy: He was magically delicious.
tomk: Only if you did something with that candle.
jimmy: The other lucky charm guy warned them about that.
tomk: Well, the original Lucky Charms Colony was destroyed by a supernova or something.
jimmy: Good thing they all moved to Scottish Theta 1.
tomk: The Irish stereotypes didn’t move in with the Scottish stereotypes in that episode. They went to Clone World.
jimmy: But that wouldn’t entice Picard to stick around for a tour.
tomk: He was mostly confused about why Crusher changed her eye color.
jimmy: Wouldn’t you be?
tomk: Well, apparently you can just do it in the 24th century.
jimmy: They can fix a broken rib or turn a Klingon into a Goodfellas brother in seconds, so that’s not surprising.
tomk: That’s probably how the Moose disguises himself as your mailman.
jimmy: He’s from the future?
tomk: I dunno. He’s your friend.
jimmy: I’ll ask him tomorrow.
tomk: He might just have access to a time machine.
jimmy: Then I’ll ask him yesterday.
jimmy: Exactly. Maybe we can use it to go back and not watch this episode.
tomk: You can go back in time and skip one episode, and you choose this one?
jimmy: Just going with the flow.
tomk: I see.
In that case, don’t light that gift candle Watson got for you.
jimmy: No. I’ve seen what that candle is used for.
tomk: Yeah. It smells like farts when you light it. Watson doesn’t have access to anaphasic life forms.
jimmy: Thank Jeebus.
tomk: That’s more of a Jenny thing.
jimmy: No wonder Jenny’s not around anymore.
tomk: Besides, if that Ronin doofus can only get with the women of Beverly’s line, it was gonna have some real problems with the next generation unless he can also seduce Wesley.
jimmy: Or Jack.
tomk: He’s got Picard Borg stuff in him. Or so I am led to believe since that show won’t exist for another thirty or so years after this episode.
jimmy: Given that Jack is at least in his twenties, that coupling is closer than you think.
tomk: So, season thirteen?
jimmy: Something like that.
tomk: Still no good for Ronin.
jimmy: He’s lucky Beverly even came to the funeral and wasn’t busy on the other side of the galaxy.
tomk: And then Beverly got lucky.
tomk: And Picard got lucky that electric blast didn’t short out his artificial heart.
jimmy: It only made it stronger.
tomk: So, you’re saying you want a roided-out Picard to fight that ghost for Beverly?
jimmy: It wouldn’t have hurt.
jimmy: That’s Picard watching any of the Troi/Crusher or Crusher/Ronin or Crusher scenes.
tomk: I am pretty sure he was probably just glad he wasn’t in those scenes and was making this face:
jimmy: That’s probably the face he made when Frakes agreed to direct.
tomk: I think they worked on a rotation and it was just Frakes’s turn.
jimmy: Interesting. I wonder how much choice they did have? And not like it was only by the cast directing.
tomk: No, I think the directors were selected by the producers. I don’t think Frakes saw this script and called dibs.
jimmy: Let’s hope not anyways.
tomk: Or maybe Frakes had a Welsh ghost in his trailer.
jimmy: He shouldn’t have lit that candle Stewart gave him.
tomk: Bad things happen when candles are involved.
jimmy: Poor Welshie.
tomk: He got off lucky. You don’t know what else a cursed candle can summon.
jimmy: Worst. Candle. Ever.
tomk: Don’t light this one either. It calls forth a different Scottish ghost.
jimmy: He’s dead sexy.
tomk: If he’s a ghost, he’s mostly dead.
jimmy: Only mostly?
tomk: I don’t body shame.
jimmy: I mean, aren’t ghosts fully dead?
tomk: We don’t want to discount the sexy.
jimmy: We don’t discount ourselves, Tom.
tomk: I would never go for a Discount Jimmy.
jimmy: With the exchange rate, Regular Price Jimmy is pretty cheap as it is.
tomk: I wanted the Deluxe Jimmy with the Impossible Standards.
jimmy: That model’s pricey.
tomk: Well, obviously. But you gotta spring for the best sometimes. Then you don’t end up with Dr Crusher having implied sex with a ghost.
jimmy: I don’t know how implied it was at times.
tomk: Well, we don’t know what Ronin was doing aside from boldly going where Picard has never gone before.
tomk: Well, we have arrived at the future Picard Plows the Doctor portion of this chat. I feel dirty. Anything else to add?
jimmy: Remind the kids not to light haunted Scottish candles.
tomk: Just the kids?
tomk: Exactly. Have a cookie.
jimmy: Thank you. I will.
tomk: You can enjoy it when we get to the next episode, one that inspired a later Trek series while acting as something of a sequel to an earlier episode.
jimmy: A sequel and a prequel? Don’t tell Ryan!
tomk: Does he pay attention to these things?
jimmy: These? God no. But just in general around the office.
tomk: What if we tricked one of the others into doing it?
jimmy: I’m for that.
tomk: Or we could just move on to the next episode.
jimmy: I’m for that too.
tomk: Good. Because you’ve been saying how you want to see Lower Decks.