Man, how did Tom and Jimmy go through a whole chat on this episode and never once mention “Captain Picard Day”?
Probably because they were dazzled by a guest star. See below for details.
Riker’s old commanding officer has a mission for the Enterprise, one that strains the relationship between Picard and Riker.
jimmy: So, didn’t the Defiant have a cloaking device?
tomk: They had one under a special arrangement with the Romulans. In fact, the first time they took the ship out, they were required to have a Romulan on-hand to operate it.
jimmy: Ah. Still seems a bit weird. Like, the Klingons were in the Federation and they had cloaking technology.
tomk: Klingons in the Federation? That seems unlikely. What’s next? A Ferengi in Starfleet?
jimmy: Uh, no?
jimmy: What a crazy universe we live in.
tomk: You only say that because you’re Lost otherwise.
jimmy: Is that a pun?
tomk: That could be a Locke.
jimmy: Is this going to be one of those themed chats?
tomk: I think we just finished one. Just pointing out the obvious while suggesting Riker had a good reason to be afraid of the Admiral.
jimmy: What the hell was that?
tomk: Proof that the Admiral was nuts?
jimmy: That holds up.
tomk: Then again, he has a long history with experimental flight.
jimmy: That guy gets around. Though I was a bit surprised he got “special guest” status (or whatever) in the credits, as I wouldn’t have thought he was anything of significance in 1993.
tomk: Well, you just learned about The Stepfather.
jimmy: Was that popular?
tomk: It’s had multiple sequels and even a remake.
jimmy: Huh. Who knew?
tomk: Besides me?
tomk: Fans of 80s slasher movies.
jimmy: I’m a fan of 80s slasher movies!
tomk: The Stepfather series is about a serial killer who assumes new identities regularly. He romances and marries a single mother but then murders the family when they don’t live up to his expectations.
I’m pretty sure O’Quinn only did the first two.
jimmy: Wild. And then he went on to create illegal phase shifting.
tomk: That diabolical fiend!
jimmy: So, was it hypocrtical that Picard used the phased cloak to get out of the asteroid?
tomk: No, because he immediately confessed to the Romulans rather than slip away.
jimmy: So if you immediately confess, it’s ok to break the law?
tomk: No, but he was in a tight spot and the Romulans fortunately understood that.
jimmy: A tight spot the Romulans put them in.
tomk: They’re sneaky people who appreciate sneakiness.
jimmy: Fair enough.
tomk: Like how they appreciated that time you released the fire ants in Watson’s office. Sure, the ants decided they didn’t want to hang around Watson and left without incident, but it’s the thought that counted.
jimmy: Not even fire ants want to be around Watson.
tomk: But Riker has other people he’d rather not be around.
jimmy: Like all those dead bodies on the Pegasus?
tomk: Among others.
jimmy: Yeah, Riker can kill those guys if he wants.
tomk: But man, Picard was pissed. And not because he’s friends with Garbage Day Guy.
jimmy: Can you blame him? Riker’s been his first officer for seven years and this never came up. And after his story about picking Riker for standing up for what was right.
tomk: Yes, but arguably this incident is what made Riker that way.
jimmy: Don’t tell Admiral Locke.
tomk: Oh, he knows…now.
jimmy: And he’s not happy about it.
tomk: He’s going to Space Jail, and without a jaunty Picard to get him out.
jimmy: But he swears Riker’s career is over.
tomk: Projection at its finest.
jimmy: And like you said, no Picard to show up and forgive everything.
tomk: His own Picard died in a freak snowmobile accident.
tomk: Yeah. He climbed on, the engine revved, and he rode that thing right out the shuttlecraft launch bay door into the vacuum of space. Rumor has it then-Ensign Locke had installed a prototype cloaking device on it.
jimmy: Why would a starship have a snowmobile?
tomk: For visits to ice planets.
jimmy: Wrong universe.
tomk: You gonna tell me there are no cold planets in this universe?
jimmy: Have we seen one?
tomk: Sulu got stuck on one when the transporter started splitting people into their good and evil sides.
jimmy: Did he have a snowmobile?
tomk: He could have probably used one.
jimmy: Speaking of splitting people in half, Thomas Riker would have knowledge of these events as well.
tomk: Huh. Good point. I think you won another award.
jimmy: I’m running out of end tables to put these on.
tomk: Good thing this one is the Golden Endtable Award for Continuity Attention.
jimmy: Nice! Want more continuity? The series finale to Enterprise takes place during this episode. Kind of.
tomk: Mentioning the Enterprise finale is how you get awards taken away.
tomk: Still, Riker had a major secret all these years known only to himself. And the Admiral. And Starfleet Intelligence. And Thomas Riker. And probably half the people on Betazed since they’re telepathic and he was really close to Troi for a while there. And, let’s say, Moe. People tell their bartenders far too much.
jimmy: Good thing Picard had a lot of friends and favors to call in.
tomk: Yes. Now they can resume the status quo.
jimmy: It will be a mark on Riker’s permanent record. And I’m sure will be discussed in future episodes.
tomk: Or the movies. Other shows. Especially Lower Decks.
jimmy: I need to watch that.
tomk: So do I. Newest season just started.
jimmy: Get off my back, man!
Someone is angling for a transfer to the Klingon ship.
jimmy: I’d never survive.
tomk: It’s the fun one with frequent parties.
jimmy: Klingon “fun”.
tomk: These are the Klingon nerds who don’t like hurting people. They just play D&D.
jimmy: I’d still rather stay on the Enterprise.
tomk: Alright. Go back to your quarters.
jimmy: Perfect. I got off easier than Riker. Or about the same.
tomk: Are you going on trial?
jimmy: I hope not.
tomk: Then you got off easier.
jimmy: Take that, Riker!
tomk: I think he’ll be OK.
jimmy: Half a season left. Not much time for a prolonged “poor Riker” storyline.
tomk: Or much of any storyline. No wonder so many of these episodes deal with long lost family.
jimmy: What’s next? Barclay’s long lost great uncle Murdoch?
tomk: Would you believe Worf has another brother?
jimmy: I would not.
jimmy: Uh oh.
tomk: You might also get an episode that shows most of Michael Dorn’s real face.
jimmy: Stop your crazy talk.
tomk: His brother is also a mob boss. Sort of.
jimmy: Mob boss? Sure, Tom. Sure.
tomk: Oh, and maybe a future DS9 supporting cast member might appear as well.
jimmy: Sounds like a busy episode.
tomk: You wanna see it or not?
jimmy: Of course!
tomk: Ok, then you can see if all those things come true.