Captain Picard. Dr. Crusher. Will they or won’t they?
It’s the final season. This might be the time to find out.
Picard and Crusher are captured and attached to each other mentally.
jimmy: The One Where Picard Strikes Out.
tomk: Alternatively, The One Where Crusher Threw A No-Hitter.
jimmy: I was a little surprised she rejected him.
tomk: She saw what he wanted in the bedroom.
jimmy: Picard, you devil.
tomk: What if Beverly is the kinky one and Picard is too vanilla?
jimmy: That seems more likely.
tomk: Picard’s French. Allegedly. He probably learned his moves from this guy:
jimmy: Haha, I guessed that was who it was going to be.
tomk: Good for you. You win an award.
Tickets for Geordi’s one man show about all the holograms he loved and lost.
jimmy: Is that why he wasn’t on this one? He was busy rehearsing?
tomk: It was that, or he was facing his greatest fears in Worf’s workout program.
jimmy: Rehearsing it is.
tomk: Still, Picard wants to do the diplomacy thing, but nobody else wants to.
And then Riker does diplomacy his way.
jimmy: His way involves a lot of yelling.
tomk: Plus some light kidnapping.
jimmy: Light is OK.
tomk: Like light treason?
jimmy: There’s always money in the holodeck.
tomk: Except they don’t use money. And the money is a hologram.
Oh hey, Geordi’s show has a new angle!
jimmy: No money, but they still use the expression “a penny for your thoughts”.
tomk: It’s like when you use the expression “A Watson in the office is like a day without Doris.” It doesn’t mean anything anymore, but it sounds comforting.
jimmy: Anything to help people when Watson is around.
tomk: Does that help?
jimmy: No. No, it doesn’t.
tomk: Maybe do more than just spout outdated sayings. Try, I dunno, getting two jerk factions to talk.
jimmy: Both of them were just the worst weren’t they? The first guys might have been even worse, as they seemed to disguise their jerkiness. The others embraced it.
tomk: The first group made me suspicious the way that guy was looking around the room Data gave them. Like they captured Picard and Crusher themselves.
jimmy: They did act suspicous, but seemed more like paranoid…until it was clear it was crazy paranoia.
tomk: And I’ll bet those two jerk reps were making out like crazy as soon as Riker left them alone.
jimmy: Haha, she was cute…not sure if the old guy would be her type.
tomk: The thumbnail for this episode off Paramount+ was of her. I thought it was Beverly in a weird disguise for some reason.
jimmy: She looked very familiar, but I’m not sure why. She has been a guest star on a lot of TV shows.
tomk: That and she’s probably been hanging around your tool shed.
jimmy: That could be it.
tomk: It is where all the best conversations in Newfoundland happen.
jimmy: So they say.
tomk: Don’t you ever go out to your own tool shed, or are you busy with chips?
jimmy: I don’t go out there very often, no.
tomk: So you weren’t out there when Justin Trudeau, Cousin Minka, Captains Jake and Picard, Drew Barrymore, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln, three Smurfs, the Cookie Monster, the guy who wants to put Young Justice back on Netflix Canada, the Beaver, and the Moose were all discussing the upcoming ketchup chip shortage in the Eastern half of Canada?
jimmy: I don’t have clearance. You happy now?
tomk: To your own tool shed?
jimmy: That’s what I keep telling them!
tomk: Fine. You can use mine. I can’t get to Canada these days.
jimmy: These days?
tomk: Some prank Watson played got me on a list.
jimmy: That’s our Watson!
tomk: But you can get to your lawnmower now.
jimmy: Good. I really need to mow the lawn.
tomk: Just don’t get distracted by a great conversation. Or get your mind connected to your lawnmower’s brain.
jimmy: It has a brain now? Can’t it mow the lawn itself?
tomk: I didn’t say it was all that smart. And blame Captain Jake. He was running an experiment to see if he could make it into a new drinking buddy.
jimmy: Anyway, getting back to this episode, I almost felt like it should have been a 2 parter. It just seemed to wrap up awfully quickly.
tomk: You just wanted to see Picard get some nooky. Or Crusher get some nooky. Or Riker get some nooky with the jerk woman. Or something. You like your Trek nooky.
jimmy: I’m surprised Riker didn’t try that to get her talking.
tomk: Riker doesn’t sleep with jerks.
jimmy: I don’t think Riker’s that picky.
tomk: He may figure there should only be one self-centered snarky person in the bedroom, and that may be his job.
jimmy: Plus he wanted to get things wrapped up in time for Geordi’s one man show.
tomk: It’s the hottest show in the Alpha Quadrant.
jimmy: What’s the hottest show in the Delta Quadrant?
tomk: Probably something annoying with Neelix.
jimmy: They need better shows.
tomk: Species 90210 isn’t all that picky.
jimmy: Apparently. But Picard is. About breakfast.
tomk: Ironically, so is Crusher.
jimmy: And also about former best friends of her dead husband that have secretly loved her for twenty years.
tomk: Could be worse. He could be Wesley’s real father.
jimmy: That would be worse. And for Wesley’s hairline as well.
tomk: Maybe that’s why he’s #EvilWesley.
jimmy: Among other reasons.
tomk: It’s why Silver Age Lex Luthor went bad! Superman accidentally made Lex bald!
jimmy: Superman was a jerk back then.
tomk: More of a dick as I recall.
jimmy: That too.
tomk: But at least we got a resolution on the long-simmering Picard/Crusher plot line…wait, no we didn’t!
jimmy: I found the handling of their relationship a bit uneven. Like, the episode seemed to play it like there was barely any sign of this previously, but they often seemed on the verge of getting together. Beverly mentions an attraction between them, but it always seemed to be more than that.
tomk: Is that because of the actors or the writing?
jimmy: I would say the writing.
tomk: But if the actors are putting something into their performances that isn’t in the writing, is that on them?
jimmy: The performances were fine. I thought the way it was written was like there was nothing between them prior to this adventure, but that’s obviously not the case.
tomk: Ah, I meant over the course of the series. The real issue is continuity!
jimmy: To the continuity lab!
tomk: As you can see here, old chum, the continuity between episodes over six and a quarter seasons seems strained.
jimmy: I know it can be hard to keep everything straight with different writers, directors and show runners cycling in and out. And maybe I’m thinking about it too much.
tomk: Holy episodic plot structures, Jimmy!
jimmy: Anyway, Picard and Crusher never got together. For now.
tomk: That guy looks intense. He must be Riker’s kid.
jimmy: No. He died.
We might need a Picard spoiler warning on this one…if anyone reads them…
tomk: We may be headed into the weeds here. Should we move on to the episode where the crew took on climate change?
jimmy: Did Worf start recycling?
tomk: His enemies? Possibly.
tomk: But this may be more serious. Are you curious what that means?
tomk: Then let’s see what happens when space is warped and time is bendable.