Weekend Trek “Gambit Part 2”

Picard was working for a mercenary under an alias to figure out what the guy was up to.  Riker unwittingly joined the crew too.  Can these guys get the better of these bozos?

Um, of course they can.  Jimmy and Tom have some thoughts below.

“Gambit Part 2”

Riker and Picard, both prisoners of a mercenary, work to prevent an ancient artifact from falling into the wrong hands.

jimmy:  Riker sure got back at Picard for that slap last episode.

tomk:  Kinda like you did to all those guys in front of you in the cafeteria line last week.

jimmy:  No skippers.

tomk:  It was a bit of an overreaction for runny eggs.

jimmy:  It’s not about the eggs, it’s about being a sensible part of society.

tomk:  Jimmy Impossible: upholder of society’s norms.

jimmy:  Yup. Otherwise what do you have?  Anarchy. Dogs and cats living together. Vulcans pretending to be Romulans.

tomk:  Vulcans pretending to be Romulans who gave up the logic thing.  And who appeared in Original Cast Star Trek movies.

jimmy:  See?  Anarchy.

tomk:  And not the fun kind.

jimmy:  There’s a fun kind?

tomk:  There’s a fun kind of everything.

jimmy:  Depends on your perspective I suppose.

tomk:  What about that bike messenger in Jurassic Park?

jimmy:  A fitting tribute.

tomk:  And fun anarchy.

jimmy:  Game.  Set.  Match.

tomk:  But then there’s Picard. He’s about as anti-anarchy as they come.

jimmy:  Unless you give him the opportunity to reprogram transponder codes.

tomk:  That was done to ultimately restore order.  That’s really the Picard Way.

jimmy:  He couldn’t have done that earlier?

tomk:  He had to get close to Baran. That takes courage.

jimmy:  Picard lacked courage before then?

tomk:  You gotta get real close to Baran to do that, and he likes eating onions for every meal.  Plus, he doesn’t shower.

jimmy:  Two strikes there.

tomk:  And growing up on a vineyard gave Picard an excellent sense of smell.

jimmy:  Would it do that?

tomk:  I dunno. But it sounds plausible if you don’t think too much about it.

jimmy:  I won’t.

tomk:  Good. There’s a bottle of Chateau Picard in your office.

jimmy:  I don’t like wine, but I appreciate it.

tomk:  That’s ok. The vineyard hasn’t reopened yet in the Trek timeline. It might just be a bottle of maple syrup.

jimmy:  That I’ll use.

tomk:  Just don’t drink it from a wineglass.

jimmy:  Oh.

tomk:  That’s why people stare. That or your resemblance to Hugh Jackman. Or both.

jimmy:  Probably both. Like people staring and wondering why that Vulcan/Romulan/Vulcan looks so familiar.

tomk:  Except for Worf. He was busy being reprimanded.

jimmy:  Data had no problem telling Worf how it is.

tomk:  A friend said to me once that,for people in leadership positions like Data is here, not only did Data do that exactly right, but Worf’s reaction was also the correct response.

jimmy:  I agree Data was in the right. And Worf fell in line once called on it.

tomk:  Worf is pretty good for that. Sisko reprimanded him once or twice on DS9, and the reaction was the same.

jimmy:  He needs to be reminded he’s in Starfleet and not on a Klingon Bird of Prey every now and then.

tomk:  He doesn’t fit in well on those either.

jimmy:  He does not. That’s why there are always interesting Worf stories to tell.

tomk:  Like the time he threw Watson a birthday party and invited this guy:

jimmy:  Watson and that guy are probably related.

tomk:  To what?  A drunk gorilla?

jimmy:  Sounds right.

tomk:  Does that mean Picard is one of your descendants?

jimmy:  Well, I’m not French.

tomk:  Picard could be French Canadian on his mother’s side.

jimmy:  I’m not French Canadian either.

tomk:  But your grandson could be.

jimmy:  Strange. But, sure.

tomk:  Dr. Strange?

jimmy:  Also not French Canadian.

tomk:  This episode would have gone very differently if Baran was.

jimmy:  Or the same, but he would be wearing a beret.

tomk:  Then again, it’s also a good thing Picard understood ancient Vulcan mythology better than an actual Vulcan.

jimmy:  I could make an excuse about being a student of history, but she had literally researched the weapon and what it did.

tomk:  Not well enough.

jimmy:  I don’t think she even knew its Achilles Heel until Picard explained it to her.

tomk:  And she still didn’t listen.

jimmy:  If you keep blasting, someone is bound to have an aggressive thought.

tomk:  When the Klingon isn’t being aggressive and the bad-looking 90s CGI can’t kill him, you should probably just quit and go to the brig with Riker.

jimmy:  Yeah, Worf was really your best shot there.

tomk:  This is why a Vulcan should always use logic.

jimmy:  Without logic, what have you got?

tomk:  A bad bowl haircut?

jimmy:  Judges?

tomk:  I see Chancelor Gowron, who has some gorgeous locks, is a guest judge for this installment.

jimmy:  We tell a lot of jokes. The regulars needed a rest.

tomk:  That’s a good thought. Maybe Jimmy deserves a pie.  Judges?

Does he also deserve this award, the Golden Grapefruit?

jimmy:  So much for giving them a break.

tomk:  You wanted the award for winning a sauerkraut-eating contest?

jimmy:  Award?  Yes. Sauerkraut?  No.

tomk:  Well, you have to do one to get the other. Even the dumbest Vulcan mercenary knows that. The judges did you a favor.

jimmy:  Look, this is all that needs to be said about sauerkraut:

tomk:  You want to move to New Mexico?

jimmy:  That. And that I hate sauerkraut.

tomk:  Oh, right. That or you met the Ms when there were weasels latched to your face.

jimmy:  A love story as old as time.

That and it’s a good thing those pirates didn’t bother to check if Riker was actually dead.

tomk:  They aren’t a smart bunch.

jimmy:  They were all about the Benjamins.

tomk:  Benjamin Button?

jimmy:  I think he’s dead.

tomk:  Benjamin Sisko?

jimmy:  Closer. Does his likeness appear on any gold pressed latinum?

tomk:  Ask a Ferengi.

jimmy:  I will the next time I run into one.

tomk:  Three work in accounting.

jimmy:  That makes sense.

tomk:  They weren’t working out in HR. And they are refugees.

jimmy:  At least they don’t have shock implants.

tomk:  Of course not. Ryan isn’t cruel.

jimmy:  And he knows the difference between Romulan and Vulcan artifacts.

tomk:  I’m not sure Ryan knows the difference between American and Canadian lager.

jimmy:  That’s true.

tomk:  I mean, I can’t. Romulans usually have weird foreheads.

Otherwise, they might as well be American or Canadian lager.

jimmy:  Romulans and Vulcans are more alike than American and Canadian lager.

tomk:  I wouldn’t know. Have an authentic Romulan ale/American lager.

jimmy:  Cheers.

tomk:  Kirstie Alley again?

jimmy:  Nah.

tomk:  Good. Have another drink.

jimmy:  The Ms says I’ve had enough.

tomk:  I thought you just can’t get enough?

jimmy:  What I say and she says is enough are two very different things.

tomk:  I got it. But this second drink is a lemonade.

jimmy:  Oh. Ok. Bring it on then.

tomk:  One hard lemonade coming up!

jimmy:  Uh oh. I’m gonna end up with one of those things in my neck and the Ms will be stoppable with that Vulcan mind weapon.

tomk:  I think the Moose slurped it down while you were growing concerned.

jimmy:  He’s a true friend.

tomk:  And given his body weight, he can drink a whole lot more, which is why he finished off all your mancave beers.

jimmy:  Did I say friend…

tomk:  He’s keeping you from getting in trouble in the future.

jimmy:  He’s a true friend.

tomk:  I don’t know why he phasered Cousin Minka and left a note behind saying you did it to stop Greg from stealing ancient alien artifacts.

jimmy:  Nothing good can come from alien artifacts.

tomk:  Even this one that makes free ice cream?

jimmy: I stand corrected.

tomk:  And using it may end with Riker in the brig.

jimmy:  Picard was joking. Right?

tomk:  Well, if Riker is still in the brig in the next episode, we’ll know.

jimmy:  And if Picard is still asleep.

tomk:  I’m sure Riker and that giant Klingon will make good cellmates.

jimmy:  That guy was huge. Dorn is 6’4”.

tomk:  Well, it was NBA player James Worthy under the make-up.

jimmy:  Lol, was it?  I missed that. Explains why he barely spoke. Worthy is 6’9”.

tomk:  He’s actually one of the more famous guest stars of the era near as I can make out.

And you a basketball fan.

jimmy:  Well, I wasn’t a Lakers fan. And he didn’t have goggles on.

tomk:  OK, that story checks out.  And you did learn something.

jimmy:  I did. And that’s half the battle.

tomk:

jimmy:  “Standing at six feet, nine inches (206 cm) tall, Worthy is the tallest-ever Klingon seen onscreen. Worthy met Robert O’Reilly on a plane flight and it was O’Reilly who persuaded him to talk to the producers to appear on The Next Generation.“

tomk:  I see Gowron moves in mysterious ways.

That might have made an interesting public service announcement.”I tell you, James Worthy, that you would make an honorable Klingon!”
“Sounds good, Gowron.  Hey, maybe we should poke around in this old refrigerator.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
“Canadian Bacon and the Moose, Canada’s best Joes!”
“That’s right.  Old refrigerators work on a latching system and can trap a person inside where they’ll suffocate.  And they won’t really protect you from a nuclear explosion.  You’re better off not doing that.”
“You’re right, Canadian Bacon.  We could have died most dishonorably.”
“Yeah, now we know.”
“And knowing is half the battle, hosers.”

jimmy:  Judges?

tomk:  Oh, Ryan Reynolds is here.  You can ask him about ALF.

jimmy:  

tomk:  Well, more aliens from other shows.  Maybe it’s time to move on, see if Riker got out of that cell and Picard was declared “alive”.

jimmy:  I’ve got my guesses. But let’s find out for sure.

tomk:  I can make things more interesting by pointing out…it’s a Data episode.  And he’s having nightmares.

jimmy:  That bird and anvil are back?

tomk:  I don’t know.  Do you like…cake?

jimmy:  Who doesn’t?

tomk:  You might want to keep that in mind.  Ready to find out why?

jimmy:  I’m scared. But yea.

tomk:  Just remember the cake.

NEXT:  “Phantasms”