Weekend Trek “Gambit Part 1”

Oh my God!  Someone murdered Picard!  How could that happen when there’s still most of the final season, a couple movies, and Star Trek Picard still to come?

Oh yeah.  He’s not really dead.  Jimmy and Tom talk it over below.

“Gambit Part 1”

Riker takes over the Enterprise when Picard appears to die in a bar fight.

jimmy:  Unrelated to this episode, do you know when they knew this was the final season?  Did they know prior to the start of the season?

tomk:  I have no idea.  I do think they were running short on ideas by this point.  These episodes feel more like the cast and crew of the show are kinda just coasting along.  It isn’t really bad, but it also doesn’t feel like they are trying all that hard.

jimmy:  Like Picard not even trying to come up with a better alias?

tomk:  Well, it is a reference to his old mentor.

jimmy:  Good thing no one else heard of him.

tomk:  It’s probably a common name in the 24th century.

jimmy:  Perhaps. Probably lots of Galen’s around who are human and professors of archeology.

tomk:  And these guys don’t look like the sort that know the names of archaeologists.

jimmy:  That’s true. Seems like most of them were captives like Picard and later Riker.

tomk:  That Romulan was the same actress who played Saavik in Star Trek III and IV.

jimmy:  Kirstie Alley?

tomk:  Alley’s replacement.

jimmy:  Shelley Long?

tomk:  Other way around on a different show.

jimmy:  I know, but that ruins my joke.

tomk:  Judges?

jimmy:  Aw c’mon!

tomk:  They seem to be booing me for some reason…

jimmy:  They know a great joke when they hear it.

tomk:  Or they don’t like being asked for rulings too often.

jimmy:  They don’t get paid enough to deal with our shenanigans.

tomk:  Jenny pays them with your donuts.

jimmy:  She better start stealing the better ones.

tomk:  You have better ones?

jimmy:  Uh, no. No I don’t.

tomk:  Not anymore you don’t since Jenny just tiptoed by for some reason.

jimmy:  D’oh!

tomk:  D’ohnut?

jimmy:  Better. Nice.

tomk:  But back to the episode, of course Riker was suspicious that Picard was dead. Picard’s dying in a bar fight seems so ridiculous. Though there are stupider ways to die.

jimmy:  Though there is precedent for Picard almost dying in a bar fight.

tomk:  Well sure. As long you forget why he has an artificial heart.

jimmy:  You do have to wonder if Riker is too loyal to Picard.  Similar to when Picard was captured by the Cardassians and Riker would do anything, to the point of insubordination, to get him back.

tomk:  You’re right. Riker should just forget about that bald loser.

jimmy:  But then we wouldn’t have gotten to see Picard slap Riker like a little bitch.

tomk:  And thus, it is now Picard’s favorite episode.

jimmy:  He does love a good slap.

tomk:  He just walks up to Riker and says, “Hey, beanpole, what did the five fingers say to the face?  SLAP!”

jimmy:  Worf would enjoy that one.

tomk:  Mostly for the punchline.

jimmy:  Or the slapline.

tomk:  …

That doesn’t even make much sense.

jimmy:  Tough crowd.

tomk:  Fine, Jimmy. You tried. You can have this award.

It’s a dinner for two at Chez Ryan, fine cuisine and no spoilers ever.

jimmy:  I enjoy both of those things!

tomk:  They won’t even spoil your dinner by letting you put in an order or see a menu. They just bring you food.

jimmy:  I’m kinda picky. That sounds risky. Like trying to shoot and not destroy a Federation outpost.

tomk:  It helps when there’s a rational android leading from the other ship whose only bridge crew are a Klingon and a Cosby Show cast member.

jimmy:  Thankfully not THE Cosby Show cast member.

tomk:  OK, I can think of a dozen jokes right now about other members of the cast, but I think that might be too tasteless right now.

jimmy:  Fair enough. A familiar face that plays a bit role and is probably never seen again.

tomk:  She probably just married Ensign Elvin and transferred to the Melbourne or something else that plausibly sounds like a Starfleet ship.

jimmy:  Another failed backdoor pilot.

tomk:  It failed for a good reason: no Worf.

jimmy:  You gotta have at least some Worf.

tomk:  There’s a reason he moved to DS9.

jimmy:  And then Voyager. Hmm…wait…

tomk:  They figured Jeri Ryan in a catsuit she probably couldn’t breathe in was sufficient.

jimmy:  They weren’t wrong.

tomk:  Yeah, but for different reasons.

jimmy:  They also had Chakotay’s tattoo.

tomk:  They had lots of things.  But they lacked a Jimmy.

jimmy:  You gotta have at least some Jimmy.

tomk:  They had a Harry.

jimmy:  These scavengers probably had a Harry too.

tomk:  Yes.  “Had”.

jimmy:  Poor Harry.

tomk:  He’s no Jimmy.

jimmy:  Few are.

tomk:  For example, no Jimmy would stick a pain device in someone’s neck.  That’s more of an Arctus sort of thing.

jimmy:  I’d just pick at you until you grew slightly annoyed.

tomk:  Ah, your fabled Watson Technique.

jimmy:  It has been written up in several prestigious medical journals.

tomk:  Usually for the last page.

jimmy:  Published is published!  The last page is probably where those guys found out what those Romulan artifacts are for.

tomk:  Which is?

jimmy:  I haven’t read that issue.

tomk:  That’s good. I don’t think Picard has read it either. And for all I know, Riker is illiterate.

jimmy:  Being able to read won’t be that important in the future.

tomk:  Maybe that’s why Riker likes jazz so much:  all that freeform means he doesn’t have to read the sheet music.

jimmy:  And he probably enjoys Data’s poetry.

tomk:  Except when someone reads it to him.

jimmy:  Speaking of Data, the big chair suits him.

tomk:  How does the slightly smaller chair suit Worf?

jimmy:  Not as well.

tomk:  You just want to serve under Cap’n Worf.

jimmy:  Who wouldn’t?

tomk:  Apparently, the crew of the Enterprise-E if we paid attention to the final season of Picard.

jimmy:  That wasn’t his fault.

tomk:  No one seemed to believe him.

jimmy:  Who ya gonna believe?  The MVP?  Or a bunch of old retired Starfleet officers?

tomk:  You.

jimmy:  Good choice.

tomk:  Also, my own eyes. And I didn’t see that ship explode.

jimmy:  Yet.

tomk:  Neither did you.

jimmy:  Yet.

tomk:  Regardless, that Baran guy has Picard and Riker doing his bidding.  Sort of.  Clearly it wouldn’t have worked if he took, say, Captain Jake and Worf.  Or Data and the Moose.  Or Cousin Minka and, let’s say, Moe.

jimmy:  And not bright enough to know who Picard is or how he knows Riker really.

tomk:  Doesn’t everybody know Riker?

He probably released three albums of jazz standards by then.

jimmy:  Baran is more into the classics.

tomk:  And other types of music Paramount doesn’t have to pay royalties for, no doubt.

jimmy:  That’s a good point about the love of jazz and classical on the show.

tomk:  Plus Shakespeare and other really old forms of entertainment.

jimmy:  Robin Hood. Sherlock Holmes.

tomk:  Or so they thought with Holmes at first…

Then you can make up a character like Dixon Hill, master of the blue gun, and whatever made-up plays Beverly keeps using.

jimmy:  Riker Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

tomk:  Probably after Lore killed a mockingbird.

jimmy:  Did Beverly write that one?

tomk:  Data did. It was in verse.

jimmy:  Oh, that Acting Captain Data.

tomk:  Still, a bunch of mercenaries want a Romulan device. That can’t be good.

jimmy:  They only care about the money, and not getting zapped.

tomk:  Possibly more the zapped part for now.

jimmy:  Not getting zapped is good.

tomk:  It keeps me working.

jimmy:  Do you have a neck implant as well?

tomk:  Nah. I just get disapproving looks.

jimmy:  Before we move to part two, can we acknowledge how terrible a shot everyone was in that shoot out?

tomk:  Have you ever looked at the phaser design on this show?  They’re lucky if they can hit anything.

jimmy:  They blew up that guy’s head real good that time.

tomk:  They were probably aiming for his torso.

jimmy:  Lol

tomk:  Well, is that all you have to say for now, Jimmy?

jimmy:  Yes. You?

tomk:  Yes. Now let’s see how this wacky crew gets out of more crazy shenanigans.

Next:  “Gambit Part 2”