Going Through The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Part Twenty-Two

See, these episodes are kinda short, and while fun, they do provoke quick conversations, making it difficult to keep pace with the transcripts.

The point is, there’s a reason these seem to come out in batches of multiple hits in a week.  For example, Jimmy and Tom here have some thoughts on the episodes “Emperor Stark” and “Code Red”.

“Emperor Stark”

The Vision wakes up from his repair cycle to see the Avengers, under Iron Man’s leadership, have taken over the Earth.

jimmy:  #evildata

tomk:  But not a joker of any kind.

jimmy:  But maybe a midnight toker.

tomk:  That’s nothing. The Vision remembers getting punched by Captain America from the outside. He watched himself get popped one.

jimmy:  Vision is pretty remarkable.

tomk:  He’s a solid 20/20.

jimmy:  Oh, nice pun.

tomk:  You started with a nice Steve Miller reference.

jimmy:  We’re good.

tomk:  Much better than the Purple Man.

jimmy:  We’d make better use of our powers. Like, free lifetime supply of fries.

tomk:  Is that why I keep running out of fries?

jimmy:  See?!?

tomk:  These post it notes with maple leaves on ‘em sure make me think you know something.

jimmy:  No, no. Here’s some McDonald’s fries.

tomk:  I mean, I set the fries out for other people. Like the Vision.

jimmy:  He eats fries?

tomk:  Who doesn’t?

jimmy:  Good point.

tomk:  I mean, they’re a key ingredient in good poutine.

jimmy:  The keyest.

tomk:  And in bad poutine?  Probably cauliflower fries.

jimmy:  Ugh.

tomk:  I learned that from his book:  The Key to Poutine by the Vision.

jimmy:  Leave to an Android to mess up poutine.

tomk:  Are you saying his advice to avoid the cauliflower fries was wrong?

jimmy:  Oh, I misunderstood. That is perfectly correct.

tomk:  Good. Now you can help him defeat the Purple Man.

jimmy:  Why is he purple anyways?

tomk:  So you can see him coming.

jimmy:  That didn’t work so well for Tony.

tomk:  He was showing off.

jimmy:  Tony was?

tomk:  Well, arresting Killgrave in a crowded restaurant by dangling him by his ankles was a bit insulting.

jimmy:  That’s true.

tomk:  I mean, some guys would just take that personally.

jimmy:  Good thing he was safely locked away in one of those many prisons this show brings up.

tomk:  Are you going on about the prisons again?

jimmy:  Fine, no.

tomk:  Good. Because under Emperor Stark’s rule, complaining about prison has one punishment:  prison.

jimmy:  So, how did the source material go?

tomk:  Haven’t read it, but Doom harnessed the Purple Man’s power to take over the world. I think Wonder Man filled the Vision’s role.

jimmy:  So kind of reversed here, with Purple Man harnessing Stark tech to take over the world.

tomk:  As far as I know, yes.

jimmy:  I can see Doom doing that.

tomk:  And since I have Marvel Unlimited, I started reading it. Doom tricked Namor into helping him and made sure the Vision and other mechanical beings were taken care of first.

jimmy:  Marvel Unlimited eh?  Namor eh?  Maude eh?

tomk:  But Iron Man put Wonder Man in a metal tube for a month to run an experiment on his unique body made up of weird energy.

And yes, Simon was in the tube for a month.

jimmy:  I found it weird that Vision was shut down for a month. Maybe Stark ain’t as good as he lets on with this tech stuff.

tomk:  That’s nothing.  Vision was all busted up, but he looked fine at Hank’s funeral in the previous episode.

jimmy:  Hmm. True. A between episode adventure?

tomk:  Or just a mistake made by someone so dazzled Spider-Man was there that they forgot to show Vision was a mess.

jimmy:  I can see that. Spider-Man is dazzling.

tomk:  He’s beloved by all, especially hyphen enthusiasts.

jimmy:  Still, 30 days to repair?

tomk:  Ultron built a complicated machine.

jimmy:  I suppose.

tomk:  Tony doesn’t have devices for passing through solid objects.

jimmy:  He should now.

tomk:  But he doesn’t because…I dunno, he respects Ultron’s patent on the technology?

jimmy:  As good a reason as any I suppose.

tomk:  The other option is Tony didn’t figure that stuff out.

jimmy:  Then how could he fix it?

tomk:  JARVIS does it.

jimmy:  And he can’t build the tech for Tony?

tomk:  Maybe Tony didn’t ask him to.

jimmy:  Then that’s just silly.

tomk:  You got a better explanation?

jimmy:  No, but it doesn’t say much for Tony.

tomk:  He let himself be mind controlled. He might not have had a good episode.

jimmy:  They were all in that boat until Vision started burning people with torches to snap them out of it. No wait, that was Temple of Doom.

tomk:  Instead,he just pointed out their uncharacteristic hypocrisy.

jimmy:  If I had a nickel for every time I did that…

tomk:  You’d owe Ryan fifteen cents?

jimmy:  15 cents American. That’s like $9 Canadian.

tomk:  Dude, that sounds terrible.

jimmy:  It’s why I work from home and stopped commuting to the office.

tomk:  I thought it was because Watson cut off your use of the company helicopter.

jimmy:  That didn’t help either.

tomk:  You really need to start living up to your last name and do the impossible to get back.

jimmy:  Maybe I need Vision or Cap to talk some sense into me.

tomk:  You don’t need them. I am sure we got someone on retainer for that. Judges?

jimmy:  That’ll do it.

tomk:  That also works to snap Avengers out of the Purple Man’s control if you do it right.

jimmy:  I can see Cap slapping Hawkeye like that.

tomk:  Probably enjoying it too.

jimmy:  You wouldn’t?

tomk:  Hawkeye?  Nah.

jimmy:  Who would you like to slap?

tomk:  I’ll have to think about it. You probably wanna slap Watson.

jimmy:  Well, yes, but on this show specifically.

tomk:  Can I slap Dell Rusk?

jimmy:  Who?

tomk:  That’s for later.

jimmy:  I’ll remember.

tomk:  In the meantime, it’s good that Vision fixed Steve and Clint. They’re helpful against Thor.

jimmy:  It’s an interesting study in who had the mental fortitude to break from Purple Man’s power.

tomk:  One likes freedom. The other in an ornery cuss.

jimmy:  There’s a term you don’t hear every day.

tomk:  I heard people call the Moose that three times just yesterday.

jimmy:  Who were these people?  I’ll kill them!

tomk:  Apparently, it was an affectionate nickname. And probably the Beaver or Cousin Minka is responsible.

jimmy:  Oh, that’s ok then.

tomk:  Your murderous rage is not to be trifled with.

jimmy:  Damn right.

tomk:  It’s like messing with a Hulk.

Any Hulk.

jimmy:  And no one would do that.

tomk:  The Leader keeps trying because he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.

jimmy:

tomk:  Yes, that Leader.

jimmy:  He’s more of a Purple Man.

tomk:  When the Avengers are done, he’ll be a Black-and-Blue Man.

jimmy:  Jane Foster could probably take him out.

tomk:  To say nothing of every angry individual who didn’t like getting mind controlled, including Machete and the Hobo with a Shotgun.

jimmy:  Mind controlling someone is rarely appreciated.

tomk:  And then some heavy hitter like Doom would probably show up.

jimmy:  He was probably just sitting back and enjoying the chaos.

tomk:  Or he was under the same whammy as everyone else.

jimmy:  No one whammies Dr Doom.

tomk:  What about Reed Richards?

jimmy:  Nah. Doom’s got it all under control.

tomk:  That’s why he blames Richards for every setback and error?

jimmy:  Doom doesn’t make mistakes.

tomk:  Like putting a red hot iron mask on an already scarred face?

jimmy:  Ok.  Maybe one mistake.

tomk:  Point is, for a guy who didn’t really do anything that we know of, Reed sure does have Doom’s attention.

jimmy:  In most incarnations Doom blames Reed for what happened to him.

tomk:  So maybe Reed whammies Doom without trying.

jimmy:  You’re really stuck on this whammies thing.

tomk:

jimmy:  That guy sure is excited.

tomk:  He got no whammies.

jimmy:  Always a good thing.

tomk:  Well, I think discussing half-remembered game shows, in that maybe half of us remembers it, means we may have run out of topics here. Unless you want to know how the original story ended.

jimmy:  Lay it on me.

tomk:  Doom took over the world and actually eliminated war, racism, and was working towards abolishing poverty. He was also bored attending meetings all day, so he didn’t do everything possible to stop a small group of Avengers with strong willpower from destroying his machine.

jimmy:  Sounds like Emperor Doom was doing alright by us.

tomk:  That actually was something the Avengers wondered about, but making the world better while taking everyone’s free will didn’t sit well in the end.

jimmy:  Better to have war and racism.

tomk:  That’s what Cap said.

jimmy:  Cap.  shakes head

tomk:  He also said we should admire all the great citizens of Newfoundland, both with and without antlers.

jimmy:  Cap.  My man.

tomk:  Everybody loves Steve.

jimmy:  Not brainwashed Avengers.

tomk:  They’re brainwashed.

jimmy:  They could be brainwashed to love Cap.

tomk:  Why bother?  People already live Cap.

jimmy:  I’m just saying that being brainwashed is not necessarily an excuse. Oh, never mind.

tomk:  Like the time you were brainwashed to give Watson your beer money?

jimmy:  I what now?

tomk:  It was a scary day and a half.

jimmy:  Maybe we should stop talking about brainwashing.

tomk:  Ok. How about Red Hulks and Dell Rusk?

jimmy:  More than one Red Hulk?

tomk:  Well, no. Not quite.

jimmy:  And just one Dell Rusk I assume?

tomk:  One is enough.

jimmy:  I guess we’ll find out.

tomk:  If you want to.

jimmy:  No sense in stopping now.

tomk:  Well, we are close to the end.

“Code Red”

After a mysterious gas makes a number of people, including most of the Avengers, sick, the Secretary of Defense sends his own superhero team to arrest them.

jimmy:  So, Bucky must look pretty different from the last time Cap saw him.

tomk:  He had more arms last time

jimmy:  Judges?

tomk:  Also, less hair. Plus, he was a kid.

jimmy:  Not like the MCU Bucky where they were basically the same age.

tomk:  It’s like someone making the movie realizing taking a child into a war zone was wrong.

jimmy:  What about taking them out to fight supervillains?

tomk:  Are they going to be given a gun and told to kill large numbers of people?

jimmy:  Probably not.

tomk:  Then it’s not as bad.

jimmy:  Tell that to Jason Todd.

tomk:  I didn’t say it was good. Just not as bad.

jimmy:  Fair enough.

tomk:  But I see your secondary career as a superhero universe consultant for child protective services is going well.

jimmy:  Someone has to look out for them or they won’t grow up to be legacy heroes.

tomk:  It’s why you are the least popular guy at Teen Titans Tower.

jimmy:  Least?  Keeping them from getting killed?

tomk:  You keep confiscating their beer.

jimmy:  Well I can’t afford my own.

tomk:  I told you you needed better security than the Moose and the Beaver.

jimmy:  But they do it for free.

tomk:  That’s because they take the beer as soon as you leave them alone.

jimmy:  …

tomk:  And neither of them is a pretty drunk.

jimmy:  They can hold their beer. Well, my beer.

tomk:  You need better friends. Like the kind that can overcome Hydra brainwashing.

jimmy:  Not many of them around.

tomk:  Cousin Minka can. But she doesn’t like you as much as the beer thieves.

jimmy:  Not many do.

tomk:  Maybe if she was also swiping your beer.

jimmy:  As long as no one swipes Red Hulk’s beer.  He doesn’t like that.

tomk:  He doesn’t like anything. Including beer.

jimmy:  What about smashing stuff?

tomk:  He’s indifferent.

jimmy:  He seems to take great pleasure in it.

tomk:  Might depend on what he’s smashing. Thunder gods are probably low on that list right now.

jimmy:  It usually doesn’t work out well.

tomk:  Thor doesn’t text. Or suffer fools.

jimmy:  Or pity fools. Wait, that’s another T.

tomk:  Thor agrees with that T.

Both respect mothers.

jimmy:  You should. She brought you into this world, and she can take you out.

tomk:  I always respect my mama.

jimmy:  Me too, dawg.

tomk:  I’ll bet those Reds, Skull and Hulk, don’t.

jimmy:  Probably not.

tomk:  So, you may not have noticed “Dell Rusk” is an anagram of “Red Skull”.

jimmy:  I…didn’t.

tomk:  That’s nothing. Guess which Avengers writer came up with that twist in the comics.

jimmy:  Brubaker?

tomk:  Nope. Someone not known for his Marvel work:  Geoff Johns.

jimmy:  Don’t tell Watson!

tomk:  I told you once Watson probably hated this twist even if he never knew about it.

jimmy:  Sounds about right.

tomk:  Johns had a brief Avengers run, memorable for Dell Rusk and an issue that got an advisory notice because Hank and Janet were using their shrinking abilities to sexual purposes.

jimmy:  Really?  I missed all of that.

tomk:  “Missed” is a strong word.

jimmy:  I didn’t know it existed.

tomk:  You do now. Have a victory muffin.

jimmy:  Is it chocolate chip?

tomk:  If it tastes like victory, it is.

jimmy:  Sweet. When was this Johns run?

tomk:  Well before he became DC exclusive.

jimmy:  I see.

tomk:  Do you, Jimmy?  Do you really?

jimmy:  No.

tomk:  Well, in that case, you get an honesty muffin.

That one is full of raisins.

jimmy:  Blech

tomk:  Honesty may be the best policy, but it isn’t the easy route.

jimmy:  Easier than fighting the Falcon.

tomk:  It’s easier if you aren’t sick with Red Skull Disease.

jimmy:  The RSD can be rough.

tomk:  It’s like having to eat something with raisins.  Unless you are me.  I like raisins.

jimmy:  Oh Tom.

tomk:  They’re just dried grapes.  Grapes make wine.

jimmy:  I don’t like wine either.

tomk:  What do you like?

jimmy:  Pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?

tomk:  Lame songs.  Got it.

jimmy:  At least I don’t work for the Red Skull.

tomk:  As far as you know.

Meet your new supervisor Les Drulk.

jimmy:  Now he’s not even trying.

tomk:  Nonsense. The real Red Skull is sitting in a SHIELD prison right now.

jimmy:  Is he, Tom?  Is he?

tomk:  Yes.

Especially since Les Drulk is just Jenny in a fake mustache.

jimmy:  I knew it!

tomk:  But our HR people do a better job than whoever let that guy be Secretary of Defense.

jimmy:  Seems like a Trump joke should go here, but it’s before those days.

tomk:  He looks kinda like George W’s first Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

jimmy:  Talented man.

tomk:  I don’t think that’s real.

jimmy:  Something on the Internet isn’t real?

tomk:  Amazing, I know.

jimmy:  I might have to rethink some things.

tomk:  Like what?

jimmy:  Anything the Internet told me the last 25 years.

tomk:  Like that I am not Watson?

jimmy:  I’ve never seen both of you in the same room.

tomk:  Don’t Blabcasts count?

jimmy:  You can photoshop those.

tomk:  I don’t doubt your existence.

jimmy:  At least we confirmed I wasn’t a robot and didn’t know it.

tomk:  Somehow, I wasn’t the one who needed convincing.

jimmy:  Robots probably don’t get sore knees.

tomk:  You just figured that out?

jimmy:  No, we figured that out before.  Just reaffirming.

tomk:  It’s a good thing there isn’t a program for that.

jimmy:  Now you got me doubting things again. Maybe we should get back to talking about Red Hulk or something.

tomk:  He makes everything hurt.

jimmy:  Falcon’s an oddity on that team.  Red Hulk’s a jerk. Samson’s always been a bit wishy-washy. Winter Soldier started as bad. Red Skull is Red Skull.

tomk:  Is that your way of summing up the episode?

jimmy:  Not intentionally!

tomk:  Good. Because Cap sure is suspicious about that Winter Soldier guy.

jimmy:  That wasn’t obvious at all. And he did save Cap in the end.

tomk:  After catching the cure mid-air.

jimmy:  Winter Soldier’s no slouch.

tomk:  I’m sure you could do that.

jimmy:  Well, I could, yeah.

tomk:  Your name is Jimmy Impossible.

jimmy:  Exactly.

tomk:  That means you do impossible things all the time.

jimmy:  Or it’s an ironic name, like calling a big guy “Tiny”.

tomk:  So, you can’t pilot that new rocket car in the garage without crashing?

jimmy:  Oh no, I could do that.

tomk:  Could you balance Jenny’s checkbook?

jimmy:  I can only do the impossible.

tomk:  That’s not impossible?

jimmy:  That’s something beyond impossible.

tomk:  Beyond impossible is impossible.

jimmy:  Is it, Tom?  Is it?

tomk:  Yes.

jimmy:  Huh. I guess I can then.

tomk:  I think you’d be better off explaining the Winter Soldier to Steve.

jimmy:  Me personally?

tomk:  Someone has to

jimmy:  I elect Ed Brubaker.

tomk:  He picked you. Cousin Minka, the Moose, Watson, and the guy who took Young Justice off Netflix Canada all agreed.

jimmy:  Well, if I gotta!

Or I could just show him the next episode…

tomk:  He might be in it.

jimmy:  That’s convenient. And potentially confusing.

tomk:  Maybe we can watch it and figure things out for ourselves.

jimmy:  Good plan.

tomk:  It does make things easier.

NEXT:  Tom and Jimmy will be back sooner than you might think.  Be back soon for their thoughts on the Avengers episodes “Winter Soldier” and “The Deadliest Man Alive”