Going Through The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Part Fourteen

So, it’s been a while since one of these went up.  So long there’s enough material to get two of these posts up.  As such, expect two this week.

But for this one, Jimmy and Tom cover the episodes “Acts of Vengeance” and “Welcome to the Kree Empire”.

“Acts of Vengeance”

The Avengers find themselves forced to protect the Masters of Evil from the Enchantress while Thor is on Asgard.

jimmy:  You’d think Zemo would have figured out what was going on when Captain America’s shadow still looked like a Skrull.

tomk:  He was still woozy from the Norn Stone’s explosion.

jimmy:  I guess.

tomk:  Oh, you would have probably shaken it off and asked Cap about the shadow then?

jimmy:  Well, I would have already known as I watched the previous episodes.

tomk:  So, you have Gwenpool’s powers?

jimmy:  Could be worse.

tomk:  You could have Deadpool’s face?

jimmy:  That would be worse. And I think Zemo does?

tomk:  Probably.

You could also be Spider-Man’s stunt double.

That sounds worse.

jimmy:  Stunt-double.

tomk:  

jimmy:  Heh.

So on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being not surprised at all to 10 being not surprised at all, how surprised were you that Zemo turned on the Avengers?

tomk:  Nowhere near as surprised as Zemo was when Captain America didn’t quite keep his word.

jimmy:  That’s true. It’s like he doesn’t know Cap at all.

tomk:  Well…

jimmy:  Shadow.

tomk:  But hey, Wonder Man!

jimmy:  He’s maybe not so bad. Even T’challa thinks so.

tomk:  T’Challa is a better judge of character than most.

jimmy:  That’s also true.

tomk:  He said it may not be safe to loan you money.

jimmy:  He’s not wrong.

tomk:  But he also said you deserve a plate of tacos.

jimmy:  I love that guy.

tomk:  But Zemo thought you were expendable.

jimmy:  I hate that guy.

tomk:  Just be glad he doesn’t handle your annual performance review.

jimmy:  I would have never gotten that promotion and raise.

tomk:  You might have gotten that office next to that wind turbine.

jimmy:  That would blow.

tomk:  It’s also very loud.  And you could get sucked into it.

jimmy:  Better than betraying the Enchantress.

tomk:  You only say that because it’s true.

jimmy:  I wouldn’t do it again.

tomk:  I’m not sure some of those guys can do it again.

jimmy:  She’s not very forgiving.

tomk:  It’s really only Zeno’s fault too. Chemistro was too pathetic to do anything.

jimmy:  And luckily still alive after being turned to gold.

tomk:  For now.

jimmy:  He’s only gold on the outside, and gooey on the inside.  Or something.

tomk:  Gooey gold?

jimmy:  That’s going to make recovery difficult.

tomk:  It’s why you shouldn’t mess with substances that change molecular structures.

I keep telling the Moose that, but I think the Beaver is a bad influence.

jimmy:  They usually are.

tomk:  But at least he isn’t telling the Moose to go sacrifice himself by fighting a foe that’s too powerful for one Mighty Moose. That puts him ahead of Zemo.

jimmy:  I don’t think Zemo is too concerned about anyone but Zemo.

tomk:  You’ve been paying attention. T’Challa was right. You do deserve a plate of tacos.

jimmy:  Everyone should listen to T’Challa.

tomk:  I had Sparky put in a Doordash order for your tacos.

jimmy:  I await their delivery.

tomk:  In the meantime, the Executioner replaced his axe with guns. Clearly, he’s been to Texas.

jimmy:  That would never happen in the MCU.

tomk:  Nope, just like it didn’t happen in Walt Simonson’s Thor run.

jimmy:  I’ll take your word for it.

tomk:  It’s a well-regarded run for a reason.

jimmy:  Should I put it on The List?

tomk:  If you are a Thor fan, you probably should.

jimmy:  So that happening in Ragnarok was obviously a nod to this then.

tomk:  If I remember right, he even died a heroic death.

jimmy:  Not here.

tomk:  No, not here.

That probably happened during the storyline when Surtur attacked Asgard, leading Odin, Thor, and Loki to battle the giant fire demon.

jimmy:  Surtur’s a jerk.

tomk:  I’ll bet you can’t wait for the Avengers to knock his lights out in season three.

jimmy:  I look forward to it.

tomk:  Right. In season three.

jimmy:  Right.

tomk:  Same episode Wonder Man returns in.

jimmy:  Going to be a busy episode.

tomk:  It’s epic.

jimmy:  Like Cap’s new shield.

tomk:  Also from a comic book.

jimmy:  Indeed.

tomk:  It’s as epic as that story you tell about the time you pranked Watson six times on an April Fools Day.

jimmy:  That was epic!

tomk:  But is it as epic as the Avengers and the Masters working together to stop the Enchantress?

jimmy:  No?

tomk:  Well, maybe.

I mean, your Watson pranking story is the stuff of legend.

jimmy:  That is true.

tomk:  Does it worry you that Watson was teaching himself Asgardian magic to get back at you?

jimmy:  I’ll just get Tony and T’Challa to counteract it with science.

tomk:  I don’t think they take our calls. Not since Jenny raided their donut stashes.

jimmy:  Jenny. shakes head

tomk:  Did you think it was a coincidence that Jenny says Iron Man 2, the one where Tony sits in a giant donut before meeting Nick Fury, is a good movie?

jimmy:  Mind. Blown.

tomk:  It’s all coming together now, like clues Cap is a different man now.

jimmy:  But only Zemo really saw that.

tomk:  Zemo was the only one paying attention. Besides, it’s not like the Avengers need to negotiate with the Kree or anything else that a Skrull might mess up.

jimmy:  Good thing.

tomk:  Yeah, that might be a problem for a future episode.

jimmy:  So the Skrulls, maybe we discussed this before, but their powers must be more than just shape shifting.  Let’s assume they’ve heard someone’s voice, so they can mimic that.  But everything else.  Like, outside of letting Zemo get smacked down, this Skrull has spent X amount of time as Cap and no one has batted an eyelash.  So his mannerisms, speech patterns, movements, etc. are all perfect facsimiles?

tomk:  Well, close enough. Presumably the Skrull studied Steve for a long period of time.

jimmy:  That’s true too I suppose.

tomk:  Sure. I mean, Watson has been following you around to steal your identity.

jimmy:  I knew it!  Everyone wants to be Jimmy!

tomk:  No. Just Watson.

jimmy:  He’s always been jealous of my being Canadian.

tomk:  He wishes he lived somewhere with regular cool weather and poutine.

jimmy:  Exactly.

tomk:  I mean, you seem happy all the time. Except when you aren’t.

jimmy:  That’s true.

tomk:  Like maybe you’d feel better if Cousin Minka agreed to be in your live action adaptation of this episode and wear a comics accurate Enchantress costume.

jimmy:  I certainly would.

tomk:  Too bad she signed on for Ryan’s Red Rising adaptation.

jimmy:  He’s got everyone.

tomk:  That’s true. I filmed a short role last week.

jimmy:  I’m still waiting for the call.

tomk:  Probably needs a Canadian filming permit.

jimmy:  Those are harder to get then back to normal after being turned to gold.

tomk:  But you can use the gold to bribe the right officials.

jimmy:  That’s why we call you the smartest guy in the Avengers chat channel.

tomk:  Me?  Who calls me that?

jimmy:  I do.  Didn’t you just hear me?

tomk:  My hearing isn’t that good.

And who’s this “we”?

jimmy:  Me.  The moose.  Zemo.  Captain Skrullmerica.  That database full of Stark Tech plans.  The usual suspects.

tomk:  Lotta bad guys there.

jimmy:  Only 3.

tomk:  Who’s the third?

jimmy:  Maybe we should move on…

tomk:  To the next episode?

jimmy:  At least away from all this “who’s a bad guy?” talk.  I mean, c’mon.  So obvious…

tomk:  Right. Well, I have already called the Mounties to look into that.

jimmy:  Uh oh.

I mean, that’s fine.

tomk:  Good.

jimmy:  I can’t tell you the number of times that has happened to me.

tomk:  I’m gonna guess more than three.

jimmy:  That’s just today.

tomk:  Maybe take the Moose out for a nice breakfast. Or let him play with a Norn Stone.

jimmy:  He’s better company than Zemo.

tomk:  Everyone is better company than a Nazi.

jimmy:  That’s true.  Good thing there are none of them left in real life.

tomk:  Very true. But there might be Space Fascists out there.

jimmy:  Nothing good ever came from space.

tomk:  What about E.T.?

jimmy:  Ok. One thing.

tomk:  Sunlight comes from space.

jimmy:  Ok. Two things.

tomk:  Vibranium comes from asteroids and meteors.

jimmy:  That’s not real.

tomk:  If we sent Watson to space, he’d probably never come back.

jimmy:  Let’s work on that.

tomk:  And I am sure if we did that, nothing nasty would come out of space looking for revenge.

jimmy:  Maybe that’s why the Skrulls are here now. A preemptive strike.

tomk:  Or maybe I’m just trying to suggest the Kree are coming back.

jimmy:  That makes more sense.

tomk:  I mean, Marv-ell went off to talk to them.  Something might have happened.

jimmy:  Might have or absolutely did?

tomk:  Well, let’s say the Avengers might be recruiting a new member soon.

jimmy:  How soon?

tomk:  Next episode maybe?

jimmy:  That’s soon.

tomk:  Who do you think it will be?

jimmy:  Stingray?

tomk:  Interesting guess, but there may be too many possibilities.  Wanna find out?

jimmy:  Sure.

tomk:  Good.  Because I am sure a Skrull hiding amongst the Avengers won’t cause more problems there either.

jimmy:  They never have before.

tomk:  Well, there’s always a first time.  Ready to learn more?

jimmy:  Yes.

tomk:  OK then.

“Welcome to the Kree Empire”

The Kree return and test Earth’s defenses!

jimmy:  That guy Ronan is a jerk.

tomk:  You think most bad guys are jerks. Granted, you aren’t wrong, but I am seeing a pattern.

jimmy:  Very true.

tomk:  Besides, Marv-ell looked like the bigger jerk this time around.

And that’s not getting into Henry Peter Gyrich.

jimmy:  Gyrich is a jerk, no doubt.  Marv-ell seemed to at least care for the humans.

tomk:  “I need to protect the Earth by letting my dictatorial alien government take it over!”

jimmy:  It was that or be wiped out.

tomk:  Or so he says. The Avengers handed Ronan his ass with that giant mallet shoved up it, and SWORD found a guy who could get Kang’s old base working.

jimmy:  Marv-ell did say the humans were special.

tomk:  Special enough for unconditional surrender.

jimmy:  Ronan wasn’t impressed with Carol.

tomk:  His mistake.

jimmy:  I miss that old Ms Marvel outfit.

tomk:  With the long bits hanging off the back she can trip over?

jimmy:  Did you see her trip over them?

tomk:  That’s why she flies places.

jimmy:  See…not a problem.

tomk:  But not one Jenny will cosplay in.

jimmy:  Probably not.

tomk:  Carol is a different story…though it occurs to me no one names their daughters “Carol” anymore.

jimmy:  According to the interwebs, in 2022 it was the 2,499 most popular name for baby girls.

tomk:  What was number one?  Probably not Watsina.

jimmy:  I don’t know, but probably not.

tomk:  It’s probably something simple like Jimmy.

jimmy:  Are you saying I’m simple?

tomk:  No, you have a simple name that inspires trust and loyalty.

jimmy:  I’ll take it.

tomk:  Like you’ll take this plate of hot pancakes?

jimmy:  I do love pancakes

tomk:  And everybody loves Jimmy. Except for Ronan.

jimmy:  I never did anything to him!

tomk:  That’s the problem.

jimmy:  I told you he was a jerk.

tomk:  You were right again. Now you get to join the Avengers.

jimmy:  Finally!

tomk:  Someone has to fill in for Thor.

jimmy:  His absence is surely felt.

tomk:  You could also fill in for Hank. How good are you in a fight?

jimmy:  I’ve never lost one!

tomk:  Have you won one?

jimmy:  I’ve never lost one!

tomk:  Well, at least you can be on standby next time the Kree show up.

jimmy:  I doubt this is the last we see of them.

tomk:  Oh you’re just saying that because it’s probably true.

jimmy:  I’m not much of a risk taker.

tomk:  So you don’t want to buy a lottery ticket worth $2 billion American?

jimmy:  Oh, I gamble.

tomk:  With the lives of innocent people?

jimmy:  No. Just with money. I wouldn’t risk people’s lives.

tomk:  Would you gamble your own life for a large sack of money?

jimmy:  

Probably not.

tomk:  Would you do it for a Jimmy Snack?

jimmy: 

Probably.

tomk:  Ok.  Now Iron Man knows what he has to stock up on.

jimmy:  And if I join I can tell him that Cap is a Skrull.

tomk:  You have Gwenpool’s superpower?

jimmy:  And I watched the previous episodes.

tomk:  You noticed those weird shadows.

jimmy:  See?  I’m a hell of an Avenger In Training!

tomk:  Hopefully that Skrull doesn’t murder you before you get a chance to say anything.

jimmy:  We’ll just keep it between us for now.  It’s a good thing for him the Kree don’t have some kinda Skrull detector.  Like a pair of sunglasses that allows you to see them in their true form.

tomk:  That’s more for pro wrestlers.

jimmy:  Who are all out of bubble gum.

tomk:  Iron Man might wanna stock up on that stuff too.

jimmy:  Good thing he’s a billionaire.

tomk:  It will be especially good if bubble gum is poisonous to Skrulls.

jimmy:  Maybe it is.  But it’s probably not.

tomk:  I would imagine pro wrestlers without gum but with a loaded shotgun are poisonous to Skrulls.

Also, they’re probably allergic to moose fur.

jimmy:  You ain’t getting it out of your carpet either.

tomk:  Hey, I know how the Moose subdues evildoers.

jimmy:  Would you leave?

tomk:  I’d offer him the Jimmy Snacks.

jimmy:  That’ll work.

tomk:  His weakness is hopefully not well-known.

jimmy:  As long as we don’t publish this to any world wide webs of information, it should be safe.

tomk:  That would be silly.

jimmy:  And we don’t do silly.

tomk:  Not since Ryan’s Uncle Dudley started hanging out in the lobby.

jimmy:  Is he part of the Kree invasion?

tomk:  No.  He’s just mad all the time.

jimmy:  Like the Hulk.  Though he seemed to be enjoying that turkey.

tomk:  Wouldn’t you?

jimmy:  For sure.

tomk:  It might just make him sleepy.

jimmy:  He’d probably need a bigger turkey for that.

tomk:  Like a pteroturducken?

jimmy:  Is that a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey stuffed in a pterodactyl?

tomk:  Yes. Would that be big enough?

jimmy:  Maybe.

tomk:  In that case, maybe the Kree won’t come back and maybe Marv-ell will stay in that Negative Zone prison.

jimmy:  Nah.

tomk:  Maybe that’s where he got that cancer.

jimmy:  Could be.

tomk:  Well, cancer is a bummer. Do you have anything else to add here to lighten the mood?

jimmy:  

tomk:  That looks imaginary.

jimmy:  But it lightened the mood.

tomk:  Regardless, Captain Marvel joined the team. Or  Ms Marvel did. Or one of Carol’s many superhero names did.

jimmy:  That’s good!

tomk:  But that unicorn is also cursed.

jimmy:  That’s bad.

tomk:  But you might get a fancy energy shield.

jimmy:  I need one of those!

tomk:  Tony gave it to a Skrull infiltrator.

jimmy:  I’m sure he won’t use it for anything bad.

tomk:  Like screw up negotiations with Kree agents?

Or green light an Inhumans TV show?

jimmy:  No one would do the latter.

tomk:  A Skrull might because the Inhumans started as a Kree experiment.

jimmy:  Sounds like you can’t trust either of those guys.

tomk:  The Inhumans?  Nah. They think they’re a Thing

jimmy:  Is that an FF reference or a typo?

tomk:  Nah. Just saying the Inhumans will never be cool.

jimmy:  That’s true.

Though Marvel gave it their best shot.

tomk:  Did they though?  Did they really, Jimmy?

jimmy:  A shot?

tomk:  Yeah, probably.

jimmy:  Funny how that stopped when they got the X-Men movie rights back.

tomk:  Maybe they really wanted the FF movie rights back.

jimmy:  Seems that way with what they’ve done with both so far.

tomk:  Maybe the real thing to do is try a lesser known team like the next episode does.

jimmy:  Strikeforce: Morituri?

tomk:  Ok, better known than them.

jimmy:  Power Pack?

tomk:  Maybe better known than them too. Wanna find out?

jimmy:  We should, I might never guess.

tomk:  Good. You probably know these guys anyway. Let’s see some more guest stars and check in on Hank.

NEXT:  Tom and Jimmy will probably be back a lot sooner than planned.  Be back probably before the week is out for their thoughts on the episodes “To Steal an Ant-Man” and “Michael Korvacs”.