Alright, here it is: the end of season one of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Jimmy is new to this. Tom is a veteran. They have thoughts.
“The Fall of Asgard”
The Avengers are scattered across the Nine Realms as Loki sits upon the Golden Throne.
jimmy: It was Loki all along.
tomk: Are you surprised?
jimmy: That he orchestrated everything? Maybe a little. Felt more like a retcon than organic.
tomk: You mean you didn’t see him lurking in the background the whole time?
jimmy: Did you?
tomk: No, but he is a tricky guy.
jimmy: He was probably hiding with Nick Fury.
tomk: Loki would not allow himself to hide with a mortal.
jimmy: That’s true.
Maybe Fury is not mortal?!?!
tomk: Look, an immortal hiding amongst those fated to die, that’s more of an Enchantress or Sauron on Rings of Power or the Moose’s sort of thing. Loki is above that.
But Fury can die.
jimmy: Are you sure?
tomk: Yes. Strucker nearly drained the life out of him.
jimmy: Being nearly dead and being dead are two very different things.
tomk: You a mortician now?
jimmy: My sister is a pathologist, does that count?
tomk: Your sister? The famous Dr. Gemma Impossible?
jimmy: No. Her name is Jimmy as well.
tomk: Not Jimmie?
jimmy: That would be silly.
tomk: How do they tell you apart when they call names at Canadian Thanksgiving?
jimmy: Well, one of us is a boy and one is a girl. Come on, Tom.
tomk: I will never get used to Canadian naming conventions.
jimmy: That’s how we keep you off balance until we strike.
tomk: What if we just turn Watson over to your government?
tomk: Well, if that settles that, how about those Avengers? Scattered all over the dang place while Thor is held in an uncomfortable position by his jerkass brother.
jimmy: And still getting the job done. They don’t call them the Nine Realms’ Mightiest Heroes for nothing! What? Oh, they don’t? Well, never mind.
tomk: Jimmy, you may be jumping the gun a bit, like ogres who think the Hulk is easy pickin’s.
jimmy: Maybe they think he is just a baby ogre.
tomk: That was a foolish mistake, like waiting to tell your girlfriend you love her when she’s unconscious.
jimmy: Happens to the best of us.
tomk: You also figure out to smash a Frost Giant with his own axe?
jimmy: No. I was too busy running away and freezing to death.
tomk: At the same time? I would think all that running would help keep you warm.
jimmy: You’ve obviously never been to Jotunheim.
tomk: I was there for their last Snow Festival.
jimmy: That sounds nice.
tomk: It was. Turns out the Frost Giants throw a great party.
jimmy: The drinks are always piping cold.
tomk: You must be ordering the wrong drinks.
jimmy: Or the right ones.
tomk: Like the ones Steve shouldn’t drink in Hela’s domain?
jimmy: Smart man.
tomk: Yeah! Steve knows that’s a lie because Bucky isn’t among the dead!
Who should tell him?
tomk: I was thinking Tony because he seems like the worst choice to deliver news.
jimmy: Did you want to start a civil war?
tomk: Me? Not really. Do you want to build a snowman?
jimmy: It’s been a looong time, but sure!
tomk: Some people enjoy building snowmen.
jimmy: Still better than garbage day.
tomk: That’s more of a Star Trek problem.
jimmy: Anyway, you’re probably right about Tony. Rightly or wrongly he’d end up spilling the beans to Cap about Bucky.
tomk: Or Bucky will just show up and cause trouble.
jimmy: That seems more likely.
tomk: More likely than dwarfs being able to build Tony new armor?
jimmy: Don’t underestimate dwarfs.
tomk: I don’t underestimate a lot of things. Jenny. The Force. The Moose’s drumming skills. Dwarfs.
tomk: That’s his band logo, right?
jimmy: Sure. Why not?
tomk: Well, I think it’s safe to say Loki might be in trouble and not know it.
jimmy: Would he be concerned if he did?
tomk: His overconfidence is his weakness. Thor’s faith in his friends is his.
jimmy: Better than a weakness being cake or something.
tomk: Isn’t that your weakness? You get all distracted whenever there’s cake.
jimmy: Exactly. I’ve lost more princesses in castles that way.
tomk: I’ll tell Cousin Minka not to stop by the bakery on her way here then.
Still, I think I know how the next part will go. Allow me to use an analogy to explain. Here, Loki wants to build a snowman, and the other guys are the Avengers.
jimmy: Well, he is a frost giant, and I’m pretty sure none of the Avengers carry a .45.
tomk: You never know what Tony has built into his armor.
jimmy: Troy. He was my one hesitation when I wrote that.
tomk: Troy too. Can’t trust those Trojans.
jimmy: Damn typos.
tomk: Still. Ready to see Loki go down?
jimmy: I am.
tomk: Alrighty then.
“A Day Unlike Any Other”
Loki has the Odinforce. The Avengers have each other. Someone is going down.
jimmy: I guess Cap should have stayed in Asgard with his magically repaired shield.
tomk: They all probably should have stayed in Asgard. The food’s better.
jimmy: I bet they have spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it.
tomk: I would have said mead and barbecue.
jimmy: That’s the main course.
tomk: Regardless,you get the big, action-packed season finale, and all you wanna talk about is a post-credits scene that happened pre-credits?
jimmy: No. About Cap having his shield after Loki destroyed it.
tomk: So, you wanna focus on animation mistakes and not the probable reason why Kang blames Cap for the destruction of the future?
jimmy: Yeah, yeah. That too.
tomk: You sure seem reluctant to notice anything else.
jimmy: Sorry. That distracted me. Okay, okay.
Holy crap! The Skrulls have replaced Cap! I bet that’s why Kang thinks Cap is to blame for what happens!
tomk: Your powers of observation continue to astound me.
jimmy: I know! You didn’t notice that did you?
tomk: Apparently not.
jimmy: I bet you also didn’t notice Iron Man make his suit without access to any electronics?
tomk: I could have sworn someone underestimated the dwarfs in the previous episode chat.
jimmy: Was it you?
tomk: It was Watson.
jimmy: He’s a known Dwarfist.
Look, all the Avengers needed to do was find Odin’s alarm clock.
jimmy: That’s true.
tomk: That involved getting past some birds.
jimmy: Birds are tough.
tomk: They should have called a bird-themed hero.
jimmy: Falcon forgot to charge his phone.
tomk: Jimmy, they had Hawkeye. He could have summoned his people. There are whole armies of those guys.
jimmy: I thought of those guys, but that’s more of a multiverse story.
tomk: Isn’t Asgard in a separate universe?
jimmy: Are there Hawkmen on Asgard?
tomk: Are you sure there aren’t?
jimmy: I am not.
tomk: Then there could be. Or they could be trolls or elves or Skrulls or something.
jimmy: And they didn’t need them anyway. They had an Ant-Man.
tomk: Yeah, Hank went a couple episodes without getting knocked out. Good for him.
jimmy: And he knocked out a tree.
tomk: With those mean birds on it. He did better than T’Challa.
jimmy: And he’s a cat, the natural enemy of birds.
tomk: Yeah, and cats and panthers climb trees all the time.
jimmy: Unless those birds are sonic.
tomk: Sonic birds? That sounds ridiculous. Now, if they were sonic pigs, I might believe it.
jimmy: I feel like I missed a reference.
tomk: You aren’t familiar with Kenneth and the Sonic Pigs?
jimmy: Um, no.
tomk: You shouldn’t. I may have made them up.
jimmy: Then, no.
tomk: Unless that’s the Moose and Beaver’s new band.
jimmy: It’s a better name than the Brown Fur Experience.
tomk: Especially since Jenny has been paying them with your donut stash to play in Watson’s private bathroom.
jimmy: I’ve heard them. That’s a win for us.
tomk: So was the reason Watson has a private bathroom. Now we don’t need to share one with him.
jimmy: Everything’s coming up Tom and Jimmy!
tomk: Yeah. We’re as lucky as the Avengers, able to stay in a fight longer than Asgardian heroes.
jimmy: Don’t underestimate them, Tom.
tomk: I never do. I leave that for fools like Loki, Kang, and MODOK.
None of those guys can ever find a sensible hat.
jimmy: In MODOK’s case, it’s not the hat that’s not sensible.
tomk: Is it the shoes?
jimmy: I have Jordan’s. I am averaging 0.7 points per game this season. I don’t think it’s the shoes.
tomk: Jordan didn’t think it was the shoes either. What league are you playing in?
jimmy: Not the NBA.
tomk: Well, good. That would have explained your scoring problem.
jimmy: Also explained by being fat and old.
tomk: Like Santa? Everyone loves Santa.
jimmy: Santa probably averages more than me.
tomk: And Volstagg?
jimmy: He’s kinda Santa-y.
tomk: He was also in the episode.
jimmy: The Asgardians…helped?
tomk: Um, sure.
jimmy: It’s all about the Avengers.
tomk: Their name is in the title. I don’t see Heimdall summoning Sif and the Warriors Three during the opening credits.
jimmy: It’s there, just really, really small.
tomk: Like a school for ants?
tomk: You’ve been waiting to use that one?
jimmy: Surprisingly, I just made that one up.
jimmy: Hard to believe. Like the way Loki felt when Papa showed up.
tomk: Loki’s Papa shouldn’t preach.
jimmy: He doesn’t. He just sends you to the torture dimension.
tomk: Also where I stash my old baseball cards.
jimmy: Probably worth a fortune now if you can get them out of the belly of that 800 foot snake.
tomk: The Midgard Serpent? He doesn’t eat those things. And his name is Terry.
jimmy: Loki wasn’t too happy to see him.
tomk: Loki owes him money.
jimmy: Lol, I was going to make the exact same joke.
tomk: It’s also a reference to Norse mythology. Odin punished Loki by trapping him in a cave where a serpent dripped painful venom onto his eyes supposedly for all eternity but really until Ragnarok.
jimmy: The movie?
jimmy: Great movie.
tomk: Loki was locked up again afterwards, so he wasn’t in Love and Thunder.
jimmy: He’s lucky.
tomk: You mean he could have been in Multiverse of Madness?
jimmy: Loki season one says yes.
tomk: Is that good?
jimmy: Season one? Yes.
tomk: I see.
What about someone who ranks Halloween Ends, Dr Strange 2, and a Minions movie ahead of The Batman?
jimmy: They should be put on the rocket carrying the people complaining about the M&M mascots and shot into the sun.
tomk: I see.
jimmy: Sounds like someone that thinks Jumaji was better than Ragnarok.
tomk: Probably about right.
jimmy: Rocket. Sun. Done.
tomk: Too bad the Avengers just didn’t do that to Loki.
jimmy: That would be letting him off easy based on how things ended.
tomk: But then Steve maybe wouldn’t have to cut a deal with Hela.
jimmy: It was all a ruse anyway. Bucky wasn’t there.
tomk: Yeah. A ruse.
jimmy: It doesn’t matter anyway. Cap’s dead now.
tomk: Right. They would surely kill off the team’s moral paragon.
jimmy: Those Skrulls are evil.
tomk: But in the source material, they need to keep their targets alive to better copy their memories and abilities.
jimmy: Source material. Pfft.
tomk: And this is a kid show.
tomk: And no one wants John Walker to take over.
jimmy: That’s true.
tomk: Besides, wouldn’t you rather see Steve come back and kick that Skrull’s green ass?
jimmy: I don’t imagine it will be next episode.
tomk: The next episode may have awesome guest stars.
jimmy: Voice or characters?
tomk: Characters who might have awesome voices?
jimmy: Even better.
tomk: So, who might be the sort of character that might fit that bill?
jimmy: Someone with a hyphen. An X-Man or a Spider-Man?
tomk: Sadly, no.
But before we find out who, do you have any thoughts on season one?
jimmy: I thought the “Loki was behind everything” was a bit of a stretch, but otherwise the season strung together nicely.
tomk: Good action scenes?
jimmy: Indeed. Until Hank would get knocked out.
tomk: He got better.
jimmy: Hmm. I dunno. Wasp was fun I guess. Everyone pretty much were who they were supposed to be.
tomk: Well, then maybe it’s time for season two, a dangerous card game, and a guy with a deadly robot army.
jimmy: Gin rummy and Deathlok?
tomk: No. Poker and…Doom.
jimmy: That’s better.
NEXT: Jimmy and Tom will return soon with talk over the start of season two with the episodes “The Private War of Doctor Doom” and “Alone Against A.I.M.”
Wednesday “Quid Pro Woe”
Noteworthy Issues: Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #13 (March, 2023)
The X-Files “Talitha Cumi”