By: William Watson
In the streaming, post-covid era, media has changed. I started a couple of years ago ignoring where the film was released (Theatrical releases only giving way to include streamers, TV/HBO movies, and Direct to PVOD). Now, because the water is so muddy, I have added “specials”…the new format that exceeds the Oscar’s runtime definition of a Feature Film, but which is a singular entry that has a beginning, middle, and end. Which is pretty much the definition of a movie, so here we are.
Enough boring navel gazing. Here we go…
Time to jump right into the list!
10. WEIRD: THE AL YANKOVIC STORY
It is no secret that I love Weird Al. I’ve seen him in concert three times; the last time as recently as October when he talked about how excited he was about this completely fabricated biopic. And it was excellent. On the down side, it almost ruined my relationship when, a couple of months before the release, my sweet girlfriend asked me “You hear they are making a Weird Al movie with Harry Potter?” I should have just said yes. Lessons learned.
9. MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON
Jenny Slate should legitimately be in Oscar contention for voicing this AMAZING character. Watch this and you will never watch the opening to 60 Minutes the same way ever again.
8. CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH
Probably the most obscure movie on my top ten, but this Apple TV+ movie is the continuation of a smart drama run that led Apple to win Best Picture last year with CODA. Writer/Director/Star Cooper Raiff is someone who is going to be the next big thing.
7. THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN
Collin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson deliver great performances that make a slow movie seem more fast paced. But is this supposed to be a comedy or a drama? You change your mind scene to scene.
A movie you thought was going to just make fun of rural texas but surprises you with a ton of heart and charm. Great first film by B.J. Novak of The Office fame.
5. BULLET TRAIN
This is the kind of film that really hits the mark for me. Comedy always on the edge of violence. Somewhere between “Bad Time at the El Royale” and Tarantino Lite.
4. THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT
Such a hilarious bit of self-deprecation by Cage, proving he is very much in on the joke that fueled million memes. This was a movie that could only be made with Nic Cage…well… MAYBE Jeff Goldblum could have done it as well…
3. GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY
He did it again! He may not be able to make a Star Wars movie to save his life but damn can Rian Johnson spin a Benoit Blanc yarn! Amazing timing that he wrote and filmed this movie well before Elon went into full Twitter meltdown mode. Can’t wait for the sequel.
2. THE MENU
Like Bullet Train, The Menu makes you laugh until it scares the hell out of you. So grim. So funny. A movie that was truly…delicious!
I flirted with having The Menu and Glass Onion as #1 but in the end, my gut check said it had to be…
1. EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE
For someone who doesn’t like the idea of my superhero movies being consumed by telling cheap multiversal stories, I am also surprised that my top pick was ENTIRELY about the multiverse. But THIS is how you use the premise. Not for cheap cameos or to “undo” stories that you don’t like. You use the infinite nature of reality to tell a great story about families. If this very original movie doesn’t win best original screenplay, they should discontinue the category.
But even more fun than the top 10? The stinky bottom ten. You see a lot of movies…you see a lot of stinkers. This one is filled with franchises that should die off or attempts to create ones that should have never existed.
So let’s take a look at the stinky turds inhabiting the Watson Bottom Ten!
10. Jurassic World: Dominion
They had this cool premise that dinosaurs walk among us, and then they set it in a remote location. WTF!?!? It could have been a zombie movie with dinosaurs but instead they put out…this? I would have rather just seen Jeff Goldblum vamping for 2 hours.
9. Ticket to Paradise
I love Clooney and Roberts but someone should have pulled them aside and said this kind of movie is not what audiences want anymore. Or at least send it to streaming. This movie should have been made in the late 90s. Sure, it would have been bad then, but at least it would be in my past.
I used the DVD photo for this article because this felt like an old school, straight to DVD movie. Not a day and date release. Not a Streaming entry. A freaking Red Box exclusive… Sure the original was bad, but it was fun. This one was just bad.
7. Marry Me
When my girlfriend passed on watching this romcom with me, I should have taken the hint. This movie was more painful that using a weedeater to manscape.
This is the first superhero movie since the beginning of Gabbing Geek that I didn’t see in the theaters (other than during the pandemic). My favorite thing about this movie was how the internet tricked Sony into expanding it after in flopped…only to see it flop a second time.
5. Halloween Ends
You promise? This is the end. Thank goodness. They took a smart reboot that essentially made fun of horror sequels and then made two very awful sequels.
I wish they had forgotten to release this turd. LIAM NEESON! always manages to find a way into my bottom ten. I literally watch a movie of his every year to keep his streak alive.
Oh, Tom Hanks. You’ve brought me $15 dollars worth of joy over the years, so I will let you slide.
A film that made Fast and the Furious look like My Dinner With Andre. So bad they added VERY out of place celebrity cameos for slapstick comedy.
A film so bad, I BEGGED Ryan to watch in the hopes he would love it and I could ridicule him for years. He live blogged his reactions with audio texts to me most of the film. Oddly, because Ryan’s movie tastes are so erratic, I couldn’t tell until he rated it his lowest film as well that he didn’t like it…
I was not enamored with the movies Hollywood thinks should be on the big screen. I am tired of the big movies having to be so overwhelmingly big that they ignore story and character. It is no surprise that my Top Ten were all original, non-franchise films with the sole exception of the Knives Out sequel, which itself was a the breath of fresh air of 2019.
The movie business has changed and if they keep delivering smart movies like the ones in my top ten, I guess I can live with a cameo of Henry Cavill, Brandon Routh, Helen Slater, Christopher Reeve, and Kirk Alyn in the next Superman movie…
Full List (#1-150)
|RANK||MOVIE||STARS||LOCALE||GENRE||DATE WATCHED||WATSON SAYS:||RYAN SAYS:|
A couple were close, but no movies hit that high mark this year.
|RUNTIME||Ryan Says:||Franchise||Budget||Company||Watson Says:|
|1||EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE||9.5||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||4/9/2022||2:19:00||A flawless movies about the power of choice and the evil of carbs.||N||Medium||Solo||If this original movie doesn’t win best original screenplay, they should discontinue the category.|
|2||THE MENU||9.5||FIRST RUN||HORROR||11/23/2022||1:47:00||N||Medium||Stephanie||So grim. So funny. A movie that was truly…delicious!|
|3||GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY||9.5||FIRST RUN||COMEDY||11/24/2022||2:19:00||Best part? Benoit Blanc saying Clue sucks.||Y||Medium||Group||He did it again! He may not be able to make a Star Wars movie to save his life but damn can Rian Johnson spin a Benoit Blanc yarn!|
|4||THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT||9||FIRST RUN||COMEDY||5/7/2022||1:46:00||If this were any more meta, I’d work for it.||N||Medium||Stephanie||A movie that could only be made with Nic Cage…well… MAYBE Jeff Goldblum could have done it as well…|
|5||BULLET TRAIN||8.5||FIRST RUN||ACTION||8/5/2022||2:06:00||A fun movie where the water bottle steals the show.||N||High||Stephanie||In that “Bad Time at the El Royale” wheelhouse…|
|6||VENGEANCE||8.5||PEACOCK||DRAMA||9/23/2022||1:47:00||Why should you see this movie? BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT THERE!||N||Low||Solo||A movie you thought was going to just make fun of rural texas but surprises you.|
|7||THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||11/16/2022||1:54:00||I haven’t laughed this hard since the potato famine.||N||Low||Solo||Great performances that make a slow movie seem more fast paced.|
|8||CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH||8.5||APPLE TV+||DRAMA||6/20/2022||1:47:00||Why are the best coming of age movies about people 25 years younger than I am? Or is that how much older I have to be to appreciate them?||N||Low||Solo||One of those movies that make you want to see more from this young auteur.|
|9||MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||6/30/2022||1:30:00||Yet another film that really calls for the tampon to get more story time.||N||Low||Solo||The only word you can use to describe this movie is “charming”.|
|10||WEIRD: THE AL YANKOVIC STORY||8.5||ROKU||COMEDY||11/5/2022||1:48:00||A movie about the greatest musical parody artist with a cameo by the greatest rock and roll artist.||N||Low||Group||I love Al and really enjoyed this movie, but I think if I wasn’t a diehard it would rank a little lower.|
|11||SOUTH PARK: THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY CONCERT||8.5||PARAMOUNT+||SPECIAL||10/31/2022||1:39:00||Y||Low||Solo||This concert has replaced “the Beatles playing on the roof” as the concert I most wish I had seen live…|
|12||DEATH ON THE NILE||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||2/11/2022||2:07:00||Who chewed more scenery, Branagh’s mustache or Armie Hammer?||Y||Medium||Stephanie||I liked the first installment, but damn if Branaugh didn’t find a new gear with this performance. Please make a third, WB!|
|13||THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY HOLIDAY SPECIAL||8.5||DISNEY+||SPECIAL||11/25/2022||0:45:00||I can’t decide what’s better: Kevin Bacon officially being in the MCU or DCEU officially being in the MCU.||Y||Medium||Solo||This needs to be their special model: film one concurrently with a big budget film so you can make it feel as premium as feature at a lower cost budget.|
|14||ELVIS||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||6/25/2022||2:39:00||How is the best movie about Elvis as an artist told from his manager’s perspective? Amazing direction.||N||High||Stephanie||A movie that moved up several spots the more I thought about.|
|15||TOP GUN: MAVERICK||8.5||FIRST RUN||ACTION||6/17/2022||2:09:00||At first I was going to ding this movie for not using the “need for speed” line until I realized that line WAS THE ENTIRE MOVIE.||Y||High||Solo||A movie endorsed by Jack Mecone. That was good enough for America…|
|16||THE WHALE||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||12/21||1:57:00||N||Low||Solo||Excellent performances but I could tell it was an adaptation of a stage play before I saw that in the credits.|
|17||GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S PINOCCHIO||8.5||NETFLIX||ADVENTURE||12/11||1:54:00||Yes, Guillermo, we get your dark vision. But we didn’t need an animated movie about accepting death.||N||High||Solo||The best Pinocchio movie ever was not made by Disney. Del Toro has Best Animated Feature in the bag.|
|18||WHO KILLED SANTA? A MURDERVILLE MURDER MYSTERY||8.5||NETFLIX||SPECIAL||12/18||0:52:00||This is a triple stuff Oreo. Good stuff, but proportions are off.||Y||Medium||Stephanie||I love this series and was waiting for the Bateman team up.|
|19||RRR||8.5||NETFLIX||BOLLYWOOD||12/18||3:07:00||N||Medium||Group||This movie had everything. It even had a previously on in the middle of the film.|
|20||THE FABELMANS||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||11/27/2022||2:31:00||N||Medium||Stephanie||Imagine being the kid cast to play a young Steven Spielberg in a movie directed by Steven Spielberg.|
|21||CLERKS III||8.5||Q&A EVENT||COMEDY||11/14/2022||1:55:00||Y||Low||Group||Smith’s best movie since Dogma. The Q&A afterwards was a big plus.|
|22||THE WOMAN KING||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||10/25/2022||2:15:00||I have a feeling this will be the film Black Panther 2 wishes it could be.||N||Medium||Solo||Wow…Ryan nailed it with his comment…|
|23||TILL||8.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||10/29/2022||2:10:00||I’m glad the team got to tell the story they wanted, I just wish it had included more elements from the actual events||N||Medium||Solo||An impressive movie, but a little paint by numbers.|
|24||JERRY AND MARGE GO LARGE||8.5||PARAMOUNT+||DRAMA||7/1/2022||1:36:00||The lesson here is to always buy lottery tickets where there is gas station nacho cheese.||N||Medium||Stephanie||The perfect Friday night streaming movie. This is where adult, mid budget movies should go.|
|25||THE OUTFIT||8.5||PEACOCK||DRAMA||6/5/2022||1:45:00||Clothes haven’t been this deadly since Navalny.||N||Low||Solo||It is amazing that we had to wait until he was in his later years to get Mark Rylance. Glad he left Royal Shakespeare to make movies.|
|26||NAVALNY||8.5||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||6/3/2022||1:38:00||You cannot fight Russia with commandos, you fight Russia by going commando.||N||Low||Solo||This is the reason you should hate Vladimir Putin. Well…there may be other reasons, but this one too.|
|27||BODIES BODIES BODIES||8.5||FIRST RUN||HORROR||8/27/2022||1:35:00||N||Low||Stephanie||A cast so (intentionally) unlikeable, you get happy when the deaths start.|
|28||FIRE OF LOVE||8.5||DISNEY+||DOCUMENTARY||11/26/2022||1:33:00||I want a whole movie about the boat ride on an acid lake.||N||Low||Stephanie||Shocking that these folks died at the hands of a volcano.|
|29||BLACK AND BLUES: THE COLORFUL BALLAD OF LOUIS ARMSTRONG||8.5||APPLE TV+||DOCUMENTARY||11/13/2022||1:46:00||N||Low||Solo||Amazing how much modern pop and soul music owes to Armstrong.|
|30||HONOR SOCIETY||8.5||PARAMOUNT+||COMEDY||12/12||1:37:00||If Easy A and Election had a baby it wouldn’t be this movie but they’d be related.||N||Low||Solo||If you are going to knock off Election, at least be this charming.|
|31||TAR||8||PVOD||DRAMA||12/29||2:38:00||N||Medium||Solo||Great performance but man is this pretentious?|
|32||NEVER STOP DREAMING: THE LIFE AND LEGACY OF SHIMON PERES||8||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||7/17/2022||2:09:00||N||Low||Solo||The Forrest Gump of Israel|
|33||THE PHANTOM OF THE OPEN||8||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||7/1/2022||1:46:00||N||Low||Solo||More Rylance. He’s so good.|
|34||BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD DO THE UNIVERSE||8||PARAMOUNT+||ANIMATED||6/26/2022||1:26:00||Y||Medium||Solo||Oddly relevant and funny 30 years after their debut|
|35||NOPE||8||FIRST RUN||HORROR||8/4/2022||2:10:00||This is why you should only get rescue pets that are already housebroken.||N||Medium||Stephanie||Yup|
|36||HUSTLE||8||NETFLIX||DRAMA||6/10/2022||1:58:00||If you told me Adam Sandler would make an excellent movie about balling I would not have predicted this film.||N||Medium||Stephanie||The perfect blend of comedy Wedding Singer Sandler and Uncut Gems Sandler makes a really good film|
|37||THE BLACK PHONE||8||PEACOCK||HORROR||12/30||1:42:00||N||Medium||Group||A surprisingly clever horror premise with a SHOCKINGLY good story.|
|38||SR.||8||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||12/6||1:30:00||A good documentary teaches you about something you never knew. A great documentary makes you instantly want to learn more about it. This is the latter.||N||Medium||Solo||The man who would play Iron Man was the son of the biggest indie director ever. A touching self-therapy session where we got to come along for the ride.|
|39||CHIP ‘N DALE: RESCUE RANGERS||8||DISNEY+||ANIMATED||5/20/2022||1:36:00||I found a single three second gap where they didn’t try to cram in a joke.||Y||Medium||Stephanie||A great send up of cop shows and Hollywood|
|40||THE ADAM PROJECT||8||NETFLIX||ADVENTURE||3/11/2022||1:46:00||Bad science but good fun||N||High||Stephanie||Ryan Reynolds doing Streaming movies is a very good development|
|41||PREY||8||HULU||HORROR||8/7/2022||1:40:00||The best science fiction franchise film based on an MC Hammer song I’ve ever seen.||Y||Medium||Group||This franchise SHOULD have died decades ago. Now I’m glad it didn’t.|
|42||SPIRITED||8||APPLE TV+||COMEDY||11/19/2022||2:07:00||It’s a family musical that managed to work in a “Fuck You!” song. How do you have this so low?||N||Medium||Stephanie||Ryan Reynolds doing Streaming movies is a very good development|
|43||2022: BACK THAT YEAR UP||8||PEACOCK||SPECIAL||12/26/2022||1:11||Worth it for Nick Cannon’s parenting advice alone.||N||Low||Solo||Does Tucker Carlson really know you are not supposed to fuck M&Ms?|
|44||GOOD NIGHT OPPY||8||AMAZON||DOCUMENTARY||11/27/2022||1:45:00||The better, smarter, and more emotional Wall-E. And it’s true.||N||Low||Solo||What would your wake up song be?|
|45||BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER||8||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||11/10/2022||2:41:00||This is the Rachel Trifle of Marvel films. All the parts may be good, but it doesn’t really go together well.||Y||High||Group||You felt the loss of Chadwick Boseman in so many ways.|
|46||WEREWOLF BY NIGHT||8||DISNEY+||SPECIAL||10/8/2022||0:54:00||A blast from start to finish. Go Ted!||Y||Medium||Solo||A fun special overshadowed a little by GotG.|
|47||UNTOLD: THE RACE OF THE CENTURY||8||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||9/18/2022||1:23:00||Less Untold and more Unremembered.||Y||Low||Solo||The best installment this “season” of a series of docs I always look forward to every year.|
|48||VIOLENT NIGHT||8||FIRST RUN||COMEDY||12/1/2022||1:41:00||N||Medium||Stephanie||Die Hard as a Christmas movie. Home Alone too!|
|49||ENOLA HOLMES 2||8||NETFLIX||ADVENTURE||11/6/2022||2:10:00||Y||Medium||Solo||If you liked the first one, you’ll like this one.|
|50||SEE HOW THEY RUN||8||FIRST RUN||COMEDY||9/15/2022||1:38:00||If this were any more meta it’d be Bullet Train.||N||Low||Solo||This movie was designed for me to love, but I only liked it.|
|51||THE REDEEM TEAM||8||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||10/8/2022||1:38:00||N||Medium||Solo||Fun doc, but wish it had been independently produced instead of coming from LeBron/DWade|
|52||FACING NOLAN||8||AIRPLANE||DOCUMENTARY||9/3/2022||1:41:00||N||Medium||Solo||Fun doc, but wish it had been independently produced instead of coming from The Nolan Family.|
|53||DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS||8||FIRST RUN||ANIMATED||8/10/2022||1:46:00||Y||High||Group||The post-credit scene was the best part.|
|54||THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER||8||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||7/7/2022||1:59:00||You’re trying too hard when you try and make an axe funny.||Y||High||Group||A huge step down from Ragnarok.|
|55||JACKASS FOREVER||8||PARAMOUNT+||COMEDY||4/1/2022||1:36:00||The definition of mindless entertainment.||Y||Low||Stephanie||I am embarrassed I watched it. I am even more embarrassed I enjoyed it.|
|56||THE BATMAN||8||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||3/3/2022||2:56:00||This movie was so dark they had to film it all at night||Y||High||Group||They could have shaved 30 minutes eliminating Batman walking everywhere in slow motion.|
|57||CONFESS, FLETCH||8||PVOD||COMEDY||10/25/2022||1:38:00||Not good enough for Netflix to buy the next two films, but a fun whodunnit.||Y||Medium||Solo||I like Jon Hamm, and I am always happy to see him in something like this.|
|58||APOLLO 10 1/2: A SPACE AGE CHILDHOOD||8||NETFLIX||ANIMATED||5/25/2022||1:30:00||N||Medium||Solo||More of a love letter to NASA and Houston.|
|59||CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL: CONCERT AT PRINCE ALBERT HALL AND HOW THEY GOT THERE||8||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||9/28/2022||1:26:00||N||Low||Solo||Such a good documentary concert, CCR was my #1 band on the Spotify for all of 2022. And it came out in September.|
|60||AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER||8||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||12/26||3:12:00||I am sick and fucking tired of James Cameron making me cry with animated characters in amazing movies.||Y||High||Group||Overindulgent runtime. Could have shaved an hour. A total five on the story but with a score of 11 on visuals, it balances out to an 8.|
|61||LIGHTYEAR||8||FIRST RUN||ANIMATED||5/19/2022||1:40:00||Y||High||Group||This movie was better than the public reaction would lead you to believe.|
|62||GRAY MAN||8||NETFLIX||ACTION||8/7/2022||2:02:00||Yet another movie that proves every Ryan Gosling film takes place in the same universe.||N||High||Stephanie||This would have been a stinker on the big screen. On Netflix? Just fine…|
|63||SELENA GOMEZ: MY MIND AND ME||8||APPLE TV+||DOCUMENTARY||12/27||1:42:00||Through her off-camera work and this on-camera documentary, Selena Gomez has done an impressive amount to change the discussion of mental health.||N||High||Solo||Appreciated her journey around her mental health but the rest didn’t quite connect with me.|
|64||TONY HAWK: UNTIL THE WHEELS FALL OFF||8||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||5/4/2022||2:15:00||N||Medium||Solo||The footage of him attempting the first ever 900 was a lesson in perseverance.|
|65||THE LOST CITY||8||FIRST RUN||COMEDY||4/3/2022||1:51:00||Romancing the Bone(head)||N||Medium||Stephanie||A good date night movie.|
|66||THE SOUND OF 007||8||AMAZON||DOCUMENTARY||11/15/2022||1:28:00||Great stories for great music, a fantastic bit for Bond fans.||Y||Low||Solo||A music doc you can put on, browse the internet, and not miss anything.|
|67||WATERGATE: HIGH CRIMES AT THE WHITE HOUSE||8||PARAMOUNT+||DOCUMENTARY||6/19/2022||2:00:00||N||Low||Solo||It was what you’d expect.|
|68||THE BAD GUYS||8||PVOD||ANIMATED||6/4/2022||1:39:00||Heist movie to steal your heart but doesn’t quite succeed.||N||Medium||Solo||A movie I thought Ryan would like more…|
|69||HALLELUJAH: LEONARD COHEN, A JOURNEY, A SONG||8||PVOD||DOCUMENTARY||10/24/2022||1:55:00||N||Low||Solo||A quirky doc about a quirky guy who wrote a quirky song that turned into a banger…|
|70||ALL THE OLD KNIVES||8||AMAZON||ACTION||4/22/2022||1:43:00||Clever spy whodunnit with no good guys.||N||Medium||Stephanie||Nice framing device really boosted a normal spy thriller.|
|71||AMBULANCE||8||FIRST RUN||ACTION||4/8/2022||2:16:00||N||High||Stephanie||The best Michael Bay movie since the 90s.|
|72||WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING||8||PVOD||DRAMA||12/2/2022||2:05:00||Solid by-the-numbers outsider mystery.||N||Medium||Stephanie||More an exploration of life in the Atlantic Coast than a mystery.|
|73||CAUSEWAY||8||APPLE TV+||DRAMA||11/20/2022||1:32:00||It’s fine and completely forgettable.||N||Low||Solo||Great acting. Boring movie.|
|74||PRINCE & THE REVOLUTION: LIVE||8||PVOD||DOCUMENTARY||7/5/2022||1:57:00||N||Low||Solo||Why the hell didn’t I ever see Prince live? This was the next best thing…|
NOT A WASTE OF TIME
|75||WOMEN TALKING||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||12/29||1:44:00||N||Medium||Solo||Well acted and very important, but man did it drag…|
|76||BATMAN AND SUPERMAN: BATTLE OF THE SUPER SONS||8||PVOD||ANIMATED||12/16||1:20:00||Y||Low||Solo||One of the better DCAU entries.|
|77||THE GREATEST BEER RUN EVER||7.5||APPLE TV+||COMEDY||11/11/2022||2:06:00||N||Medium||Solo||This movie was…fine…|
|78||I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY||7.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||12/25||2:22:00||N||Medium||Stephanie||A perfectly cromulent movie.|
|79||SHE SAID||7.5||PVOD||DRAMA||12/7||2:08:00||N||Medium||Solo||Where the book really worked, the movie couldn’t quite get there. This story wasn’t a Disney moment…it was tons of slogging, hard work.|
|80||THE TINDER SWINDLER||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||2/5/2022||1:54:00||This gritty remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels wasn’t funny at all.||N||Low||Stephanie||Caveat emptor.|
|81||DOG||7.5||PVOD||COMEDY||3/11/2022||1:41:00||N||Medium||Stephanie||It had its moments, but needed more.|
|82||GREEN LANTERN: BEWARE MY POWER||7.5||HBO MAX||ANIMATED||10/25/2022||1:28:00||Y||Medium||Solo||Solid entry for DC animated.|
|83||THE ANTHRAX ATTACKS||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||9/11/2022||1:35:00||N||Low||Solo||Interesting topic. Mediocre doc.|
|84||OPERATION: MINCEMEAT||7.5||NETFLIX||DRAMA||5/21/2022||2:08:00||N||Low||Solo||Colin Firth is all I remember.|
|85||THE PRINCESS||7.5||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||10/26/2022||1:34:00||N||Low||Solo||Charles was a royal pain.|
|86||SOUTH PARK: THE STREAMING WARS VOL 1||7.5||PARAMOUNT+||SPECIAL||6/1/2022||0:48:00||Y||Medium||Solo||A step down from the pandemic specials.|
|87||WHITE HOT: THE RISE AND FALL OF ABERCROMBIE & FITCH||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||5/1/2022||1:28:00||N||Low||Solo||A hard doc to watch while eating a whole bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.|
|88||UNTOLD: THE GIRLFRIEND WHO DIDN’T EXIST||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||8/5/2022||2:04:00||Now we know that Manti is as dumb as his catfisher is an awful person.||Y||Low||Solo||I had not heard about what happened after the scandal broke.|
|89||SONICE THE HEDGEHOG||7.5||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||5/14/2022||2:02:00||He’s not just nice, he’s SOOOO nice||Y||High||Solo||A typo from early in the year that is too funny to correct.|
|90||GLADBECK: THE HOSTAGE CRISIS||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||6/12/2022||1:31:00||This movie proves how bad Germans are at American impressions.||N||Low||Solo||I feel like this would have ended in 15 minutes in the U.S.|
|91||GHISLAINE MAXWELL: FILTHY RICH||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||11/27/2022||1:45:00||N||Low||Solo||If you’ve seen the Epstein doc (from the same director), you’ve seen this…|
|92||LUCY AND DESI||7.5||AMAZON||DOCUMENTARY||3/8/2022||1:42:00||N||Low||Solo||Amazon’s biopic last year was enough for me.|
|93||KIMI||7.5||HBO MAX||DRAMA||2/13/2022||1:29:00||N||Medium||Solo||Pandemic films freak me out.|
|94||THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||7/6/2022||1:41:00||I still have no idea what happened here.||N||Low||Solo||I don’t remember this movie very much.|
|95||UNCHARTED||7.5||FIRST RUN||ACTION||2/18/2022||1:56:00||First Uncharted I finished in less than 2 hours.||Y||High||Stephanie||Not great, but I would see a sequel.|
|96||UNTOLD: THE RISE AND FALL OF AND1||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||9/16/2022||1:09:00||Who would have thought that a few white guys would figure out a way to get rich off of the work of black and poor people?||Y||Low||Solo||That Nike commercial that crushed And1 is still amazing.|
|97||LOU||7.5||NETFLIX||ACTION||10/4/2022||1:49:00||I am all about this new genre of “Liam Neeson Movies But Without Liam Neeson”||N||Low||Solo||Allison Janney is the saving grace of this meh movie.|
|98||BOB’S BURGER: THE MOVIE||7.5||HULU||ANIMATED||7/12/2022||1:42:00||Y||Medium||Solo||I don’t watch the show, and while this was ok, it didn’t compel me to watch the show.|
|99||THE JANES||7.5||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||6/9/2022||1:41:00||N||Low||Solo||Timely.|
|100||FANTASTIC BEASTS 3||7.5||PVOD||ADVENTURE||5/22/2022||2:22:00||Y||High||Solo||Better than Part 2, but not good enough to keep going back for more.|
|101||ENDANGERED||7.5||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||7/4/2022||1:30:00||N||Low||Solo||Nothing special.|
|102||THE NORTHMAN||7.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||4/29/2022||2:17:00||The ancient tale of where every European accent comes from.||N||Medium||Solo||Weird for the sake of weird at times that it would have helped NOT to be weird…|
|103||DOWNFALL: THE CASE AGAINST BOEING||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||2/21/2022||1:29:00||N||Low||Solo||How is Boeing still in business? Legal bribery is probably the answer.|
|104||2022 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS: THE HOUSTON ASTROS||7.5||PVOD||DOCUMENTARY||12/6||1:30:00||Y||Low||Solo||I loved the ending but this was nothing more than a Sportscenter type recap.|
|105||RETURN TO SPACE||7.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||4/9/2022||2:08:00||N||Low||Solo||The only bright spot in Musk’s year.|
IF YOU HAVE SPARE TIME
|106||ME TIME||7||NETFLIX||COMEDY||8/27/2022||1:44:00||Sometimes you try to make a silly movie and you end up making a shitty movie.||N||Medium||Stephanie||Not bad for a Friday Netflix couch movie. Oddly, that’s TWO Wahlberg movies with a score of 7 or higher!|
|107||I WANT YOU BACK||7||AMAZON||COMEDY||2/26/2022||1:51:00||Half of a good movie. Sadly, it’s the second half.||N||Low||Stephanie||Where do you want my load?|
|108||LOVE, LIZZO||7||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||11/30/2022||1:32:00||A frustrating documentary that skips over anything that would make it interesting.||N||Low||Solo||Docs the seem to be made by the subject are not a great development. But I still love Lizzo.|
|109||RISE||7||DISNEY+||DRAMA||9/6/2022||1:53:00||N||Low||Solo||Felt like a Disney Channel movie instead of a Disney+ movie.|
|110||TRUST NO ONE: HUNT FOR THE CRYPTO KING||7||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||4/3/2022||1:30:00||You should’ve seen what the guy did with his Beanie Babies!||N||Low||Solo||I hope this turns out well for them…|
|111||FUGITIVE: THE CURIOUS CASE OF CARLOS GHOSN||7||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||11/1/2022||1:35:00||N||Low||Solo||Could have been so much better.|
|112||RETURN TO HOGWARTS||7||HBO MAX||SPECIAL||2/7/2022||1:45:00||Y||Medium||Solo||Why can’t she sell this franchise to WB?!?!|
|113||TURNING RED||7||DISNEY+||ANIMATED||3/12/2022||1:40:00||Clever family adventure with a ton of heart||N||Low||Group||This one was lost on me.|
|114||INTO THE DEEP: THE SUBMARINE MURDER CASE||7||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||10/1/2022||1:27:00||N||Low||Solo||Good subject with no narrative.|
|115||CATWOMAN: HUNTED||7||HBO MAX||ANIMATED||6/3/2022||1:19:00||Y||Low||Solo||Mediocre DC Animated.|
|116||CHERNOBYL: THE LOST TAPES||7||HBO MAX||DOCUMENTARY||7/15/2022||1:35:00||N||Low||Solo||Good subject with no narrative.|
GETTING A LITTLE TEDIOUS
|117||THE MAN FROM TORONTO||6.5||NETFLIX||ACTION||6/26/2022||1:52:00||Woody can be the new Liam.||N||Medium||Stephanie||A decent bad movie.|
|118||SENIOR YEAR||6.5||NETFLIX||COMEDY||5/20/2022||1:53:00||I liked the part when the cheerleaders got away with attempted murder.||N||Medium||Stephanie||I liked the premise, but I have been over Rebel Wilson.|
|119||SMILE||6.5||PARAMOUNT+||HORROR||12/28||1:55:00||Finally giving incels a reason to stop telling women to smile more.||N||Low||Solo||Barely even a grin.|
|120||THE MYSTERY OF MARILYN MONROE||6.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||5/1/2022||1:41:00||The real mystery is why the public can’t admit the truth about the Kennedys.||N||Low||Solo||I am not sure this was the best way to tell this story.|
|121||SOUTH PARK: THE STREAMING WARS VOL 2||6.5||PARAMOUNT+||SPECIAL||7/15/2022||0:51:00||Y||Medium||Solo||The second installment was not very good.|
|122||DEEP WATER||6.5||HULU||DRAMA||6/4/2022||1:56:00||N||Medium||Solo||Shocking this big budget movie got sold to HULU. Shocking!|
|123||THE DUKE||6.5||FIRST RUN||DRAMA||5/23/2022||1:36:00||N||Low||Solo||Great leads. Dull movie.|
|124||DR STRANGE IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS||6.5||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||5/5/2022||2:06:00||This would have been a much shorter movie if there was a spell that made people forget things.||Y||High||Group||There will be more good Marvel properties, but it definitely peaked at Endgame.|
|125||HOME TEAM||6.5||NETFLIX||COMEDY||2/6/2022||1:38:00||Ostensibly about football, but really about saving one boy’s butthole.||N||Medium||Stephanie||For a movie I rated poorly, I liked parts of it. Would have been better if it hadn’t been a Sandler produced flick.|
|126||BLACK ADAM||6.5||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||10/20/2022||2:05:00||DC tries to make Black Panther but without black people. Cool. Cool cool cool.||Y||High||Group||A superhero movie that would have been really impressive in 2004.|
|127||MEET CUTE||6.5||PEACOCK||COMEDY||12/23/2022||1:29:00||N||Medium||Group||The creepy dramedy side really impacts a cool time loop premise.|
|128||UNTOLD: OPERATION FLAGRANT FOUL||6.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||9/12/2022||1:17:00||Proof it is literally easier to take down the mob than the NBA.||Y||Low||Solo||There were times this one felt intellectually dishonest.|
|129||MOON SHOT||6.5||HBO MAX||COMEDY||6/4/2022||1:44:00||N||Low||Solo||Felt like a Disney Channel movie instead of an HBO Max movie.|
I’M GETTING A HEADACHE
|130||LOOK BOTH WAYS||6.5||NETFLIX||COMEDY||8/26/2022||1:50:00||Either way, it sucks.||N||Low||Stephanie||I like seeing Austin in movies. That is all.|
|131||SPIDERHEAD||6.5||NETFLIX||ACTION||6/18/2022||1:47:00||Of all the movies that have been based on a board game, this is the weirdest||N||Medium||Stephanie||Hemsworth is charming but this movie wasn’t.|
|132||THE CONTRACTOR||6.5||PARAMOUNT+||ACTION||6/11/2022||1:43:00||N||Medium||Solo||Paint by numbers.|
|133||OUR FATHER||6.5||NETFLIX||DOCUMENTARY||5/16/2022||1:37:00||He never had sex with them but he definitely screwed way too many people.||N||Low||Solo||Should have been a movie instead of a doc.|
|134||DAY SHIFT||6||NETFLIX||ACTION||8/23/2022||1:53:00||N||Medium||Solo||One good fight scene (really good!) couldn’t save this stinker.|
|135||THE 355||6||PVOD||ACTION||4/21/2022||2:04:00||Finally a movie named for how many days of the year you can see something better.||N||Medium||Solo||Great cast. Bad script. Terrible direction.|
|136||SCREAM||6||PVOD||HORROR||3/6/2022||1:54:00||These movies are so forgettable they even stopped making new titles||Y||Medium||Solo||Was this targeted at teens but still trying to trade on 90s nostalgia? Surprised it flopped.|
|137||MINIONS: THE RISE OF GRU||5.5||PVOD||ANIMATED||8/11/2022||1:27:00||Michelle Yeoh makes everything better.||Y||High||Group||Just stop, already.|
|138||LAST SEEN ALIVE||5.5||NETFLIX||ACTION||11/28/2022||1:35:00||Imagine Taken but the lead doesn’t have any skills. That would be more interesting than this movie.||N||Medium||Solo||A bad movie, but you gotta respect Gerard Butler showing up to movies passed up by Mark Wahlberg, Channing Tatum, Liam Neeson, and now Allison Janney. #Respect|
|139||THE BUBBLE||5||NETFLIX||COMEDY||5/6/2022||2:06:00||Cinematic self-urination. Probably felt good at the time but super embarrassing when anyone else sees.||N||Medium||Stephanie||I wish it would have popped.|
|140||SAMARITAN||5||AMAZON||ADVENTURE||9/7/2022||1:39:00||Popcorn fun that could have been better if it hadn’t tried to be clever.||N||Medium||Solo||A movie that was so dull you don’t care that there was a decent twist.|
THE BOTTOM AND DESERVING
|141||JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION||5||FIRST RUN||ADVENTURE||6/15/2022||2:40:00||This is literally a movie about bugs that happens to have dinosaurs in it.||Y||High||Stephanie||I would have rather just seen Jeff Goldblum vamping for 2 hours.|
|142||TICKET TO PARADISE||5||PVOD||COMEDY||11/13/2022||1:44:00||N||Medium||Stephanie||This movie should have been made in the late 90s. Sure, it would have been bad then, but it would be in my past.|
|143||FIRESTARTER||4.5||PEACOCK||HORROR||6/5/2022||1:34:00||When Zac Efron cried horribly fake tears of blood we all cried horribly fake tears of blood.||Y||Medium||Solo||Sure the original was bad, but it was fun. This one was just bad.|
|144||MARRY ME||4||PEACOCK||COMEDY||2/22/2022||1:52:00||N||Medium||Solo||When my girlfriend passed on watching this romcom with me, I should have taken the hint.|
|145||MORBIUS||4||PVOD||ADVENTURE||5/23/2022||1:44:00||Did I see this? Literally can’t remember any of it.||Y||High||Group||My favorite thing about this movie was how the internet tricked Sony into expanding it after in flopped…only to see it flop a second time.|
|146||HALLOWEEN ENDS||4||PEACOCK||HORROR||11/7/2022||1:51:00||Finally, a serial killer movie where we learn how the killer learned to use a knife.||Y||Medium||Solo||You promise? This is the end. Thank goodness.|
|147||MEMORY||4||AMAZON||ACTION||11/8/2022||1:54:00||N||Medium||Solo||I wish they had forgotten to release this turd.|
|148||PINOCCHIO||4||DISNEY+||ADVENTURE||9/19/2022||1:51:00||Y||High||Solo||Oh, Tom Hanks. You’ve brought me $15 dollars worth of joy over the years, so I will let you slide.|
|149||INTERCEPTOR||3.5||NETFLIX||ACTION||6/4/2022||1:38:00||This is why we can’t have nice things.||N||Medium||Solo||So bad they added VERY out of place celebrity cameos for slapstick comedy.|
|150||MOONFALL||3||PVOD||ACTION||5/1/2022||2:10:00||Roland Emmerich will not stop until somebody gives him an Earth vs Bad Aliens franchise.||N||High||Solo||Science, bitch!|
Deep Metrics for the Nerds!
Platform: Where I watched it.
Highest rating among platforms with 5 or more was Apple TV+. Most common platform was Netflix.
Month: When I watched it.
I saw the best movies in the awards season, peaking in December. Apparently, I saw a lot of movies in May and June, but they seem pretty weak.
Genre: What kind of movies where they?
No surprise, my dramas carried the day, but as usual, I watch a lot of documentaries.
Runtime: How long was the damn movie?
|Min Time||Max Time||Average||Count||%|
I saw a lot of mediocre movies between 1:30 and 1:44 minutes.
Franchise: Was this an established franchise of some kind or an original property.
The average wasn’t as dramatic as I expected. This is attributable to a lot of mediocre originals mixed in with the great ones. That’s what happens with a 70/30 split.
Budget: Using a best estimate, what was the budget level of the film?
Low budget films carried the day, likely because the filmmaker had to focus more on making a great story versus phoning it in.
Companionship: Did I watch it alone, with Stephanie, or with a group of people?
When I showed this to Stephanie she had two pieces of feedback: One…never show me nerdy shit like this again and two…Stephanie is quality control in every aspect her life besides her choice of boyfriends.
Weekend Trek “Ship In A Bottle”
Vikings: Valhalla “Pieces Of The Gods”
The X-Files “Ascension”