Ultron causes problems for the Avengers. So does Hydra and AIM. Jimmy and Tom got themselves a pair of episodes featuring all those guys.
What did the guys have to say about “Hail Hyrda!” and “Ultron-5”? See below for the transcript.
HYDRA and AIM go to war in the streets of New York!
jimmy: I told you Modok had a cosmic cube!
tomk: So you did.
tomk: Now, to earn something even better…why didn’t MODOK use it?
jimmy: It wasn’t ready.
tomk: Someone didn’t tell Strucker that. Or Steve.
jimmy: It was ready about 2/3 of the way through the episode and the final 1/3 was MODOK and mostly Strucker trying to grab it and being thwarted again and again.
tomk: And then they both went to jail.
jimmy: Never to be heard from again.
tomk: Sure. Aren’t you the one who says no one stays in superhero jail more than a few weeks?
jimmy: That was sarcasm, Tom.
tomk: Sure. Aren’t you the one who lives in Canada?
tomk: OK, just checking. Have a banana split.
jimmy: Perfect. Just in time for break time.
tomk: You have a break time?
jimmy: You don’t?
tomk: Every time I try to take one, something happens. Like last time, Jenny used a cosmic cube to raid your donut stash.
jimmy: I wondered how she got past the moat and killer robots.
tomk: Cosmic cube?
jimmy: Not just for bringing back dead teenage partners anymore.
tomk: It alters reality, Jimmy. It’s why your moat is now full of delicious Coke Cola and your killer robots are now friendly droids that give back massages.
jimmy: I’d sacrifice some donuts for that.
tomk: They give back massages with meat tenderizers.
jimmy: My back is pretty stiff.
tomk: And the Coke is diet.
jimmy: Even better. Gotta watch those calories.
tomk: Well, you have it made. Too bad Jenny turned it all back after she left.
tomk: And then she revived her teenage sidekick, Lt. Wonder.
tomk: Lt. Wonder specializes in snack theft.
jimmy: Man, these cosmic cubes sure cause trouble.
tomk: That’s why we need to keep them out of the wrong hands.
jimmy: Like Watson’s?
tomk: Anyone whose hands are wrong.
tomk: Yeah. Like that.
This one too:
tomk: Maybe also keep it out of Strucker’s hands, either of them, and away from MODOK’s stubby arms.
jimmy: So, both Cap and Strucker grabbed it at the same time. Cap, seemingly unconsciously, altered reality. Did Strucker do anything?
tomk: Nope. Cap’s willpower was stronger.
jimmy: America’s willpower.
tomk: Are you sure you don’t want to do like some folks we know after they saw Black Panther and focus the entire conversation towards the last moments and do a bunch of Winter Soldier speculation?
jimmy: No, do you?
tomk: Of course not. We finally got some Black Widow answers.
jimmy: Or did we?
tomk: You didn’t believe her?
Did she use MODOK for a character witness or something?
jimmy: I’ll believe her…for now. But she hardly seems trustworthy. Especially with the one person that can collaborate her story conveniently missing.
tomk: Yeah, well, Iron Man said that was the one part of her story that sounded right.
Plus, there’s Maria Hill, not the most trusting of SHIELD leaders.
jimmy: She’s kind of a jerk.
tomk: It fits the character’s history of someone who suspects the Avengers of being up to no good.
jimmy: Yeah, because if I had to pick a group from this show that seemed like they were up to no good, it’s the Avengers.
tomk: You mean the group led by a guy who publicly refused a sponsorship offer from Nick Fury and includes a foreign monarch, a self-proclaimed god, and the Hulk?
tomk: Well, still better than HYDRA. And this series does pre-date Secret Empire.
jimmy: So Cap’s not evil?
tomk: He gives the Hulk sincere compliments and given the opportunity to remake the world as he sees fit barely changes anything. What do you think?
tomk: You are one cynical man.
jimmy: Or kidding.
tomk: You are one hilarious man.
jimmy: I try.
tomk: Try some more after you finish this bacon sandwich.
jimmy: Bacon bacon bacon!
tomk: It may be Canadian bacon.
jimmy: Not as good, but I’ll take it.
tomk: It may also be turkey bacon.
jimmy: Healthier, but I’ll take it.
tomk: It might also be vegan. You can never tell with a cosmic cube.
jimmy: Hmm. Getting into risky territory now.
tomk: It might even be…a hologram.
jimmy: Hologram bacon?
tomk: Well, an illusion.
And don’t worry. While HYDRA and AIM are shooting at each other, SHIELD will just try to arrest the Avengers.
tomk: And a helicarrier can’t stop a HYDRA mech without help.
jimmy: What are those good for anyways?
tomk: One of them seemed to be somewhat holding off Kang’s forces a couple episodes ago.
They must only work when Fury is on board.
jimmy: And he’s on vacation.
tomk: Yeah. Vacation.
jimmy: Kidnapping is a sort of vacation.
tomk: You think he didn’t leave of his own volition?
jimmy: Maybe he kidnapped himself.
tomk: That can happen?
tomk: Ok, I am gonna make a note about that and see if you’re right later.
jimmy: Probably not.
tomk: That would assume Fury isn’t in control of the situation.
jimmy: He was probably off hiding behind a hay bale in a different show.
tomk: Young Justice maybe?
jimmy: Maybe. One of these days I’ll find out.
tomk: Maybe. But hey, MODOK and Strucker are in custody, and Steve thinks he didn’t change a single thing.
jimmy: Nothing will probably come of that. Just like nothing will come of Ultron getting switched to evil.
tomk: Yeah, about that…
jimmy: Ultron is actually Bucky now, isn’t he!?!
jimmy: I knew it!
tomk: This is right up there with your prediction Fury kidnapped himself.
jimmy: I’m on fire today.
tomk: Now, we could check the next episode and see what Ultron’s whole deal is this time.
jimmy: You mean Bucky’s deal.
jimmy: I knew it!
tomk: Wanna find out how right you are?
jimmy: Or how wrong I am?
tomk: Very possible. Ready?
jimmy: Am I ever.
tomk: OK then.
Ultron takes his anti-chaos programming to its logical conclusion.
jimmy: Ultron turned evil? I did NOT see that coming.
tomk: You have always been an optimistic fellow.
I think that’s why you buzzed Dr Satan the Axe-Man into the lobby.
jimmy: He had cookies.
tomk: He nearly killed three people.
jimmy: Nearly. That’s not so bad. Right?
tomk: Watson stopped him. Now Watson is a hero thanks to you.
jimmy: Damn. At least the cookies were delicious.
tomk: They were laced with hallucinogenic drugs.
jimmy: So…that giant football didn’t make me the world’s best omelette?
tomk: No. That was the Moose. And he made a passable grilled cheese sandwich.
jimmy: Hmm. Maybe we should get back to Ultron before any more “secrets” come to light.
tomk: He killed Thor (not really)!
jimmy: I really thought Thor was dead!
tomk: Yeah. The beam that disintegrated Thor does nothing to Hawkeye.
jimmy: He has the heart of a warrior.
tomk: Is it made of adamantium? Otherwise, I don’t think it’s that helpful.
jimmy: Thor didn’t really get obliterated, Enchantress teleported him, so maybe the ray is more like a good tan?
tomk: The other Avengers didn’t think so.
jimmy: They’re not as tough as Hawkeye. Jane Foster said so.
tomk: Is she an expert there?
jimmy: More than we are.
tomk: Oh, you only say that because you lack any sort of medical degree.
jimmy: You don’t?
tomk: I am a man of many depths.
So, I may.
jimmy: Yes, Doctor.
tomk: No need to be so formal.
jimmy: Yes, Doc.
tomk: You should get that looked at.
jimmy: Like Hulk’s skin after going through re-entry?
tomk: That just makes him angrier, so he’s stronger and can rip Ultron apart once he hops back to the mansion.
jimmy: Yeah, the battle didn’t last long once he got there.
tomk: Amazing what happens when someone with actual superpowers shows up to help.
jimmy: And doesn’t get “obliterated”.
tomk: He didn’t. He just got angry. Well, angrier.
jimmy: Ultron won’t like him when he’s angrier.
tomk: Oh, that crazy Ultron can just download to a new body, even ignoring his safety word.
jimmy: He can evolve beyond that, but still can’t hurt Jan.
tomk: Well, at least one person is safe…for now.
jimmy: Everyone’s safe, Hulk and Hank destroyed Ultron forever.
tomk: And it’s not like Ultron has ever displayed weird ideas about Jan.
jimmy: Everybody loves somebody sometimes.
tomk: Ultron mostly loves himself.
jimmy: He’s just trying to fulfill his programming. Unfortunately, humanity is too much of a threat to itself.
tomk: Hank has a lot of explaining to do.
jimmy: MCU Hank got off easy when it comes to this storyline.
tomk: Yeah, he wasn’t even in it.
jimmy: Exactly. He just has to worry about Scott Lang breaking into his house and dating his daughter.
tomk: And who wouldn’t want Paul Rudd in their home?
jimmy: I know I would!
tomk: MCU Hank has it pretty good.
jimmy: Yeah, he’d never get mad and quit an organization that fights evil.
tomk: Um, not like he quit SHIELD or something.
jimmy: …those Hanks are all alike!
tomk: Has Hydra infiltrated the Avengers too?
jimmy: I guess time will tell.
tomk: Like how I told you not to eat all those Ho-Hoes I left on the break room counter?
jimmy: That wasn’t me.
tomk: Do I need to get out the security tape?
jimmy; Unfortunately, that burned up in the Ultron attack.
tomk: Jimmy, you were clearly under the influence of those drugged cookies.
Ultron didn’t attack here.
jimmy: Are you sure?
tomk: That you were under the cookie influence? You kept thanking the giant football for the omelet in the footage.
jimmy: Man, that Ultron attack really did a number on me and the other Avengers.
tomk: That was the mailman you tackled. He was bringing your fan mail. Then he took it away because he figured you didn’t deserve any.
jimmy: That’s why I’m not getting my Christmas packages.
tomk: No, that’s Watson’s doings.
tomk: Maybe I can help you out. Judges?
jimmy: Tis the season!
tomk: It is not an Ultron head.
jimmy: Good. You can’t trust those.
tomk: Ultron is not a nice robot.
jimmy: Odd, his cousin Johnny-5 is the best kind.
Ultron-5…Johnny-5…get it? Oh, nevermind.
tomk: I got it. Eat your oatmeal.
jimmy: Yes, sir.
tomk: Besides, now he’s Ultron-6.
jimmy: That doesn’t help with my joke.
tomk: Nothing helps your joke, Jimmy. Nothing.
jimmy: Tough crowd.
tomk: Ultron is holding them hostage. Said your joke was illogical and you just doomed all life on Earth.
jimmy: It was a good run.
tomk: You really have no sense of urgency.
jimmy: Not since the cookies, no.
tomk: That’s a shame, Jimmy. You must be suffering from withdrawal. Like Thor does when he realizes his stalker zapped him away again.
jimmy: Damn those attractive blonde magical stalkers!
tomk: You probably know all about that.
jimmy: I do. Minus the magical part.
tomk: At least then you know there are no magical disguises at play.
jimmy: Do I?
tomk: No magic, no magical disguises.
jimmy: Sound logic.
tomk: Better than Ultron’s. He just used that as an excuse to launch the Hulk into orbit with some super-apes.
jimmy: Getting rid of the Super Apes was just a bonus.
tomk: Super Apes just crap everywhere.
jimmy: And then throw it. Superly.
tomk: That just makes the Hulk angrier.
jimmy: Does anything not make the Hulk angrier?
tomk: Booze. And lots of it.
jimmy: According to She-Hulk they can’t really get drunk.
tomk: That’s the MCU. Also why he needs lots of it.
jimmy: It’s still going to take an awful lot.
tomk: Maybe they try should something else. Can the Hulk get high?
jimmy: Good question. That seems more likely.
tomk: If the Hulk gets high, does he turn back into Banner?
jimmy: Only if the sun is getting real low.
tomk: Well, this was on a Disney channel, so we’ll probably never know.
tomk: But hey, Ultron just made him madder.
jimmy: And Hulk made him deader…kind of…for a few minutes anyway.
tomk: Beats just having Janet play human shield.
jimmy: Hey, it worked.
tomk: Also beats the fact Ultron’s shut off word was “synthezoid”.
jimmy: Which he easily disabled.
tomk: Yeah, but that word seemed familiar.
jimmy: Ah, I see where you’re going…
jimmy: No one can accuse me of having tunnel vision.
tomk: Well, good. You probably would have noticed that Ultron just downloaded into a new head.
jimmy: I did.
tomk: Did you stop him?
jimmy: I tried, but I was too full from that omelet.
tomk: The omelet that wasn’t real?
jimmy: …yeah. 🙁
tomk: Well, no wonder Ultron got away. The Avengers should do something about that.
jimmy: But they don’t know he got away.
tomk: Somehow, I don’t think they’ll be in the dark for long.
jimmy: The title of the next episode might be a clue.
tomk: That’s possible. Should we move on and find out?
jimmy: Right after I finish this omelet.
tomk: Good thing that one is an actual omelet.
Lots of onions.
jimmy: You can’t win’em all.
tomk: Should we find out if the Avengers can win against Ultron?
NEXT: Tom and Jimmy will be back soon with more Avengers chat over the episodes “The Ultron Imperative” and “This Hostage Earth”.