Going Through The Avengers: Earth Mightiest Heroes Part Ten

Ultron causes problems for the Avengers.  So does Hydra and AIM.  Jimmy and Tom got themselves a pair of episodes featuring all those guys.

What did the guys have to say about “Hail Hyrda!” and “Ultron-5”?  See below for the transcript.

“Hail Hydra!”

HYDRA and AIM go to war in the streets of New York!

jimmy:  I told you Modok had a cosmic cube!

tomk:  So you did.

jimmy:  Woo!

tomk:  Now, to earn something even better…why didn’t MODOK use it?

jimmy:  It wasn’t ready.

tomk:  Someone didn’t tell Strucker that.  Or Steve.

jimmy:  It was ready about 2/3 of the way through the episode and the final 1/3 was MODOK and mostly Strucker trying to grab it and being thwarted again and again.

tomk:  And then they both went to jail.

jimmy:  Never to be heard from again.

tomk:  Sure.  Aren’t you the one who says no one stays in superhero jail more than a few weeks?

jimmy:  That was sarcasm, Tom.

tomk:  Sure.  Aren’t you the one who lives in Canada?

jimmy:  Indeed.

tomk:  OK, just checking.  Have a banana split.

jimmy:  Perfect.  Just in time for break time.

tomk:  You have a break time?

jimmy:  You don’t?

tomk:  Every time I try to take one, something happens.  Like last time, Jenny used a cosmic cube to raid your donut stash.

jimmy:  I wondered how she got past the moat and killer robots.

tomk:  Cosmic cube?

jimmy:  Not just for bringing back dead teenage partners anymore.

tomk:  It alters reality, Jimmy. It’s why your moat is now full of delicious Coke Cola and your killer robots are now friendly droids that give back massages.

jimmy:  I’d sacrifice some donuts for that.

tomk:  They give back massages with meat tenderizers.

jimmy:  My back is pretty stiff.

tomk:  And the Coke is diet.

jimmy:  Even better.  Gotta watch those calories.

tomk:  Well, you have it made. Too bad Jenny turned it all back after she left.

jimmy:  JENNY!!!!

tomk:  And then she revived her teenage sidekick, Lt. Wonder.

jimmy:  Uh…Jenny!(?)

tomk:  Lt. Wonder specializes in snack theft.

jimmy:  Man, these cosmic cubes sure cause trouble.

tomk:  That’s why we need to keep them out of the wrong hands.

jimmy:  Like Watson’s?

tomk:  Anyone whose hands are wrong.

jimmy:

tomk:  Yeah. Like that.

This one too:

jimmy:  Haha

tomk:  Maybe also keep it out of Strucker’s hands, either of them, and away from MODOK’s stubby arms.

jimmy:  So, both Cap and Strucker grabbed it at the same time.  Cap, seemingly unconsciously, altered reality.  Did Strucker do anything?

tomk:  Nope. Cap’s willpower was stronger.

jimmy:  America’s willpower.

tomk:  Are you sure you don’t want to do like some folks we know after they saw Black Panther and focus the entire conversation towards the last moments and do a bunch of Winter Soldier speculation?

jimmy:  No, do you?

tomk:  Of course not. We finally got some Black Widow answers.

jimmy:  Or did we?

tomk:  You didn’t believe her?

Did she use MODOK for a character witness or something?

jimmy:  I’ll believe her…for now.  But she hardly seems trustworthy.  Especially with the one person that can collaborate her story conveniently missing.

tomk:  Yeah, well, Iron Man said that was the one part of her story that sounded right.

Plus, there’s Maria Hill, not the most trusting of SHIELD leaders.

jimmy:  She’s kind of a jerk.

tomk:  It fits the character’s history of someone who suspects the Avengers of being up to no good.

jimmy:  Yeah, because if I had to pick a group from this show that seemed like they were up to no good, it’s the Avengers.

tomk:  You mean the group led by a guy who publicly refused a sponsorship offer from Nick Fury and includes a foreign monarch, a self-proclaimed god, and the Hulk?

jimmy:  Exactly.

tomk:  Well, still better than HYDRA. And this series does pre-date Secret Empire.

jimmy:  So Cap’s not evil?

tomk:  He gives the Hulk sincere compliments and given the opportunity to remake the world as he sees fit barely changes anything. What do you think?

jimmy:  Evil.

tomk:  You are one cynical man.

jimmy:  Or kidding.

tomk:  You are one hilarious man.

jimmy:  I try.

tomk:  Try some more after you finish this bacon sandwich.

jimmy:  Bacon bacon bacon!

tomk:  It may be Canadian bacon.

jimmy:  Not as good, but I’ll take it.

tomk:  It may also be turkey bacon.

jimmy:  Healthier, but I’ll take it.

tomk:  It might also be vegan. You can never tell with a cosmic cube.

jimmy:  Hmm. Getting into risky territory now.

tomk:  It might even be…a hologram.

jimmy:  Hologram bacon?

tomk:  Well, an illusion.

And don’t worry. While HYDRA and AIM are shooting at each other, SHIELD will just try to arrest the Avengers.

jimmy:  Jerks.

tomk:  And a helicarrier can’t stop a HYDRA mech without help.

jimmy:  What are those good for anyways?

tomk:  One of them seemed to be somewhat holding off Kang’s forces a couple episodes ago.

They must only work when Fury is on board.

jimmy:  And he’s on vacation.

tomk:  Yeah.  Vacation.

jimmy:  Kidnapping is a sort of vacation.

tomk:  You think he didn’t leave of his own volition?

jimmy:  Maybe he kidnapped himself.

tomk:  That can happen?

jimmy:  …yes?

tomk:  Ok, I am gonna make a note about that and see if you’re right later.

jimmy:  Probably not.

tomk:  That would assume Fury isn’t in control of the situation.

jimmy:  He was probably off hiding behind a hay bale in a different show.

tomk:  Young Justice maybe?

jimmy:  Maybe. One of these days I’ll find out.

tomk:  Maybe.  But hey, MODOK and Strucker are in custody, and Steve thinks he didn’t change a single thing.

jimmy:  Nothing will probably come of that. Just like nothing will come of Ultron getting switched to evil.

tomk:  Yeah, about that…

jimmy:  Ultron is actually Bucky now, isn’t he!?!

tomk:  Um…

jimmy:  I knew it!

tomk:  This is right up there with your prediction Fury kidnapped himself.

jimmy:  I’m on fire today.

tomk:  Now, we could check the next episode and see what Ultron’s whole deal is this time.

jimmy:  You mean Bucky’s deal.

tomk:  …sure.

jimmy:  I knew it!

tomk:  Wanna find out how right you are?

jimmy:  Or how wrong I am?

tomk:  Very possible. Ready?

jimmy:  Am I ever.

tomk:  OK then.

“Ultron-5”

Ultron takes his anti-chaos programming to its logical conclusion.

jimmy:  Ultron turned evil?  I did NOT see that coming.

tomk:  You have always been an optimistic fellow.

I think that’s why you buzzed Dr Satan the Axe-Man into the lobby.

jimmy:  He had cookies.

tomk:  He nearly killed three people.

jimmy:  Nearly. That’s not so bad. Right?

tomk:  Watson stopped him. Now Watson is a hero thanks to you.

jimmy:  Damn. At least the cookies were delicious.

tomk:  They were laced with hallucinogenic drugs.

jimmy:  So…that giant football didn’t make me the world’s best omelette?

tomk:  No. That was the Moose. And he made a passable grilled cheese sandwich.

jimmy:  Hmm. Maybe we should get back to Ultron before any more “secrets” come to light.

tomk:  He killed Thor (not really)!

jimmy:  I really thought Thor was dead!

tomk:  Yeah. The beam that disintegrated Thor does nothing to Hawkeye.

jimmy:  He has the heart of a warrior.

tomk:  Is it made of adamantium?  Otherwise, I don’t think it’s that helpful.

jimmy:  Thor didn’t really get obliterated, Enchantress teleported him, so maybe the ray is more like a good tan?

tomk:  The other Avengers didn’t think so.

jimmy:  They’re not as tough as Hawkeye.  Jane Foster said so.

tomk:  Is she an expert there?

jimmy:  More than we are.

tomk:  Oh, you only say that because you lack any sort of medical degree.

jimmy:  You don’t?

tomk:  I am a man of many depths.

So, I may.

jimmy:  Yes, Doctor.

tomk:  No need to be so formal.

jimmy:  Yes, Doc.

tomk:  You should get that looked at.

jimmy:  Like Hulk’s skin after going through re-entry?

tomk:  That just makes him angrier, so he’s stronger and can rip Ultron apart once he hops back to the mansion.

jimmy:  Yeah, the battle didn’t last long once he got there.

tomk:  Amazing what happens when someone with actual superpowers shows up to help.

jimmy:  And doesn’t get “obliterated”.

tomk:  He didn’t.  He just got angry.  Well, angrier.

jimmy:  Ultron won’t like him when he’s angrier.

tomk:  Oh, that crazy Ultron can just download to a new body, even ignoring his safety word.

jimmy:  He can evolve beyond that, but still can’t hurt Jan.

tomk:  Well, at least one person is safe…for now.

jimmy:  Everyone’s safe, Hulk and Hank destroyed Ultron forever. 

tomk:  And it’s not like Ultron has ever displayed weird ideas about Jan.

jimmy:  Everybody loves somebody sometimes.

tomk:  Ultron mostly loves himself.

jimmy:  He’s just trying to fulfill his programming.  Unfortunately, humanity is too much of a threat to itself.

tomk:  Hank has a lot of explaining to do.

jimmy:  MCU Hank got off easy when it comes to this storyline.

tomk:  Yeah, he wasn’t even in it.

jimmy:  Exactly.  He just has to worry about Scott Lang breaking into his house and dating his daughter.

tomk:  And who wouldn’t want Paul Rudd in their home?

jimmy:  I know I would!

tomk:  MCU Hank has it pretty good.

jimmy:  Yeah, he’d never get mad and quit an organization that fights evil.

tomk:  Um, not like he quit SHIELD or something.

jimmy:  …those Hanks are all alike!

tomk:  Has Hydra infiltrated the Avengers too?

jimmy:  I guess time will tell.

tomk:  Like how I told you not to eat all those Ho-Hoes I left on the break room counter?

jimmy:  That wasn’t me.

tomk:  Do I need to get out the security tape?

jimmy;  Unfortunately, that burned up in the Ultron attack.

tomk:  Jimmy, you were clearly under the influence of those drugged cookies.

Ultron didn’t attack here.

jimmy:  Are you sure?

tomk:  That you were under the cookie influence?  You kept thanking the giant football for the omelet in the footage.

jimmy:  Man, that Ultron attack really did a number on me and the other Avengers.

tomk:  That was the mailman you tackled.  He was bringing your fan mail.  Then he took it away because he figured you didn’t deserve any.

jimmy:  That’s why I’m not getting my Christmas packages.

tomk:  No, that’s Watson’s doings.

jimmy:  Grrr.

tomk:  Maybe I can help you out.  Judges?

jimmy:  Tis the season!

tomk:  It is not an Ultron head.

jimmy:  Good. You can’t trust those.

tomk:  Ultron is not a nice robot.

jimmy:  Odd, his cousin Johnny-5 is the best kind.

Ultron-5…Johnny-5…get it?  Oh, nevermind.

tomk:  I got it.  Eat your oatmeal.

jimmy:  Yes, sir.

tomk:  Besides, now he’s Ultron-6.

jimmy:  That doesn’t help with my joke.

tomk:  Nothing helps your joke, Jimmy. Nothing.

jimmy:  Tough crowd.

tomk:  Ultron is holding them hostage. Said your joke was illogical and you just doomed all life on Earth.

jimmy:  It was a good run.

tomk:  You really have no sense of urgency.

jimmy:  Not since the cookies, no.

tomk:  That’s a shame, Jimmy. You must be suffering from withdrawal. Like Thor does when he realizes his stalker zapped him away again.

jimmy:  Damn those attractive blonde magical stalkers!

tomk:  You probably know all about that.

jimmy:  I do.  Minus the magical part.

tomk:  At least then you know there are no magical disguises at play.

jimmy:  Do I?

tomk:  No magic, no magical disguises.

jimmy:  Sound logic.

tomk:  Better than Ultron’s. He just used that as an excuse to launch the Hulk into orbit with some super-apes.

jimmy:  Getting rid of the Super Apes was just a bonus.

tomk:  Super Apes just crap everywhere.

jimmy:  And then throw it.  Superly.

tomk:  That just makes the Hulk angrier.

jimmy:  Does anything not make the Hulk angrier?

tomk:  Booze. And lots of it.

jimmy:  According to She-Hulk they can’t really get drunk.

tomk:  That’s the MCU. Also why he needs lots of it.

jimmy:  It’s still going to take an awful lot.

tomk:  Maybe they try should something else. Can the Hulk get high?

jimmy:  Good question.  That seems more likely.

tomk:  If the Hulk gets high, does he turn back into Banner?

jimmy:  Only if the sun is getting real low.

tomk:  Well, this was on a Disney channel, so we’ll probably never know.

jimmy:  True.

tomk:  But hey, Ultron just made him madder.

jimmy:  And Hulk made him deader…kind of…for a few minutes anyway.

tomk:  Beats just having Janet play human shield.

jimmy:  Hey, it worked.

tomk:  Also beats the fact Ultron’s shut off word was “synthezoid”.

jimmy:  Which he easily disabled.

tomk:  Yeah, but that word seemed familiar.

jimmy:  Ah, I see where you’re going…

tomk:  Good.

jimmy:  No one can accuse me of having tunnel vision.

tomk:  Well, good.  You probably would have noticed that Ultron just downloaded into a new head.

jimmy:  I did.

tomk:  Did?

jimmy:  Did.

tomk:  Did you stop him?

jimmy:  I tried, but I was too full from that omelet.

tomk:  The omelet that wasn’t real?

jimmy:  …yeah. 🙁

tomk:  Well, no wonder Ultron got away. The Avengers should do something about that.

jimmy:  But they don’t know he got away.

tomk:  Somehow, I don’t think they’ll be in the dark for long.

jimmy:  The title of the next episode might be a clue.

tomk:  That’s possible.  Should we move on and find out?

jimmy:  Right after I finish this omelet.

tomk:  Good thing that one is an actual omelet.

Lots of onions.

jimmy:  You can’t win’em all.

tomk:  Should we find out if the Avengers can win against Ultron?

jimmy:  Let’s.

NEXT:  Tom and Jimmy will be back soon with more Avengers chat over the episodes “The Ultron Imperative” and “This Hostage Earth”.