I mentioned at the end of the previous entry that I would have the next one up sooner than expected. There’s a simple reason for that: I fell behind a bit and the chats kept going.
Point is, the first two parts of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes‘s Kang trilogy were also covered, so here’s are our thoughts on “The Man Who Stole Tomorrow” and “Came the Conqueror”.
“The Man Who Stole Tomorrow”
Kang the Conqueror comes to the present, claiming Captain America is going to ruin the future if he isn’t taken down. The Avengers have a problem with that.
jimmy: Kang really hates Captain America.
tomk: That’s how you know Kang is wrong.
jimmy: Because everyone loves Captain America?
tomk: Well, everyone knows he probably won’t destroy civilization.
That’s more of a Reed Richards sort of thing.
jimmy: Who got named dropped this episode.
tomk: Photo dropped too.
jimmy: That’s true.
tomk: Who knows who might be hanging around at this rate?
jimmy: It could happen.
tomk: But that’s for later. Maybe.
jimmy: Instead we get Avengers vs Kang…after Cap kicks Tony’s ass.
tomk: Tony had it coming. The Hulk and Hawkeye both knew that.
jimmy: I don’t know if they knew it, but they found it hilarious.
tomk: You think those guys like Tony more than Steve?
jimmy: Does anyone like Tony more than anybody? Besides Tony.
tomk: Steve does, but it’s a tough love.
jimmy: It’s a right cross kinda love.
tomk: It’s the sort of love that says Steve loves it when everyone gets out alive if Tony knows how to fight, including Tony.
jimmy: It made me think of the scene from Iron Man 3 where Tony turned into Jason Bourne…and then in the finale he was like “duuh, which end of the gun do I point at the bad guys? Duh…”
tomk: I love it when Tony says “duh”.
Or maybe he only knows stuff he builds himself.
jimmy: Maybe.
Steve’s not wrong, but if Tony is fighting a foe that has disabled his armor, knowing a few Tae Bo moves might not keep him alive much longer.
tomk: Wait until Steve tries teaching the Hulk some moves.
jimmy: He won’t be knocking him across the ring.
tomk: Hulk does understand distracting the enemy.
jimmy: Hulk am smart.
tomk: Smarter than people give him credit for.
jimmy: Probably.
tomk: What about the time he helped you with your math homework?
jimmy: I lost more desks that way.
tomk: I don’t get how Ryan can give you math homework anyway.
jimmy: He’s bossy like Kang.
tomk: And also from a bleak future timeline?
jimmy: No, from a bleak current timeline where there are two Captain Americas.
tomk: Sam Wilson and Herman Munster?
jimmy: Close enough. (That was an Endgame joke BTW.)
tomk: Watson is America’s ass(hole).
jimmy: Haha, nicely done.
tomk: I can’t let you get in all the Watson jokes.
jimmy: Understandable.
tomk: So, Kang said the Kree and the Skrulls were bringing their war to Earth.
jimmy: They’ve been slowly setting that up.
tomk: With a Secret Invasion. And an Overt Invasion.
jimmy: And triangle sandwiches.
tomk: I am not going there.
jimmy: Good. Because it’s silly.
tomk: Like Tony, I look for other ways to defeat a foe. Mostly because Steve knows better than I do.
jimmy: Do you have to defeat a lot of foes?
tomk: Sometimes.
jimmy: Are you a threat to future timelines?
tomk: I don’t think so.
jimmy: That’s good. I still got a lot to do.
tomk: I might be perceived as a threat to collapsed past timelines.
jimmy: Maybe you and Cap team up to bring about the end of Kahn’s timeline?
tomk: Kahn or Kang?
jimmy: Damn autocorrect.
tomk: Montalban Kahn or Cumberbatch Kahn?
jimmy: Montalban no question.
tomk: Good. We don’t need a Dr Strange cameo.
jimmy: Yet.
tomk: You’ll have to make due with Dr. Mordrid.
jimmy: What If that scene from Thor: Ragnarok was filmed in the 90’s?
tomk: The scene where Stan Lee gave Thor a haircut?
jimmy: Exactly.
tomk: Well, Kang sure doesn’t know when to quit. Must be why he’s Kang the Conqueror and not Kang the Quitter.
jimmy: Heh.
Kang seems more anti-hero here than villain.
tomk: Yeah. Here. He’ll save the world, but he has to conquer it first.
jimmy: Is conquering bad? I might have to change my holiday plans.
tomk: You want to give up all your freedom to Kang?
jimmy: Oh, I was going to do the conquering.
tomk: Well, you might make the world better.
jimmy: I would right?
tomk: As long as you aren’t Watson.
jimmy: One of them in the multiverse is enough.
tomk: Stay away from their family reunion.
jimmy: So once again we see that when all else fails, call in the insects…and then completely forget about them.
tomk: Hank doesn’t want to change his name to Roach-Man.
jimmy: Would you?
tomk: Sounds too close to a character from Dave Sim’s indie comic Cerebus.
jimmy: Though he was a Wolverine parody.
tomk: He was a lot of things. He also inspired the Tick.
jimmy: Oh? I really don’t know much about Cerebus.
tomk: The character called the Cockroach parodied, among others, the Dark Knight Returns Batman, Wolverine, Moon Knight, and even Secret Wars Spider-Man.
jimmy: Ah. I only knew of Wolveroach.
tomk: You may be better off.
jimmy: Fair enough.
tomk: Like Kang if he just left everything well enough alone.
jimmy: He’s only speculating that Cap is the cause.
tomk: Right. It’s probably Hawkeye.
jimmy: Or Moe.
tomk: This might be a bit beyond Moe. Might want to check out Ralph Wiggum.
jimmy: So I guess up next is another Kangstravaganza.
tomk: It’s that or the High Evolutionary strikes.
jimmy: That seems unlikely.
tomk: As unlikely as Captain America destroying human civilization?
jimmy: Exactly.
tomk: Well, Kang made his next move. He has an army. The Avengers have eight people.
jimmy: And a gazillion ants and cockroaches.
tomk: Maybe a fantastic two and a halfsome.
jimmy: Is that Johnny, Ben and HERBIE?
tomk: No. Ben’s on vacation and Johnny is grounded for running a red light.
jimmy: Just HERBIE then.
tomk: Reed and Sue are still there. Someone has to take Franklin to school.
jimmy: A school for gifted youngsters?
tomk: Nah. Public school. Reed can’t afford some private school tuition after he pays the Baxter Building’s rent every month.
jimmy: High Evolutionary, Kang, the Fantastics…going to be a great one!
tomk: Well, some of those guys.
jimmy: Shall we see which?
tomk: Well, if you really want to.
jimmy: We should.
tomk: Okie dokie, Smokey.
“Come the Conqueror”
Kang invades Earth, but the Avengers can’t even find him.
jimmy: I thought this was going to be about the High Evolutionary and the Fantastic Two and a half?
tomk: Well, Kang wiped that story from existence.
jimmy: That sounds like him. Paradoxes be damned!
tomk: It does mean your longtime companion Jeremy Beremy no longer exists to the point even you don’t remember him.
jimmy:
tomk: So you do remember him and the way he used to play the hurdy-gurdy to entertain the rest of your squad.
jimmy: How could I forget?
tomk: Kang fails again.
jimmy: One of my squad is an Ultron, so we were good.
tomk: Yeah, teaching Ultron violence can’t possibly cause problems.
jimmy: I’m sure it will be fine.
tomk: Ultron won’t cause problems for ages.
jimmy: As long as no one flicks the switch on their back from “Good” to “Evil”.
tomk: Yeah. None of these Avengers seem like the type to just flip a switch and see what happens.
jimmy: None or all?
tomk: Thor isn’t very curious about technology.
jimmy: Or Cap. And maybe not Wasp. Or Hawkeye. Or Hulk. Ok, it’s probably just Tony and Hank we got to worry about.
tomk: T’Challa doesn’t have to flip a switch. He just knows.
jimmy: Exactly.
tomk: And the Black Knight? Well, I hope you liked his only appearance in the entire series.
jimmy: Liked? Loved.
tomk: He got to keep his limbs this time.
jimmy: It’s just a flesh wound.
tomk: Well, Kang sure is trying to take the place over. He sure is a temporal jerk.
jimmy: How does him conquering the present day not set up a paradox?
tomk: It’s different when Kang does it.
jimmy: Oh. That’s ok then.
tomk: Yes. Kang smells better.
jimmy: They’ve made great advances in antiperspirant technology in the future.
tomk: All that purple he and his people wear? It’s for the lilac scent.
jimmy: Scented clothes. What will the future think of next?
tomk: You think the inside of Tony’s armor smells good? Of course not.
jimmy: Maybe he’s got one of those pine tree air fresheners hanging inside his helmet?
tomk: That blocks his view of the targeting array.
jimmy: Good thing Thor and Hulk can just punch ships back into the future.
tomk: Thor and the Hulk should be helping more lost time travelers. Like Data in another chat.
jimmy: You want them to punch Data?
tomk: He may already be missing a head.
But that’s another chat.
jimmy: So, maybe it’s because we already knew, but did it seem like it took Tony waaaay to long to figure out Kang wasn’t on Earth?
tomk: He needed the full half hour.
jimmy: Maybe he’s not so smart.
tomk: Well, you knew because you saw the previous episode.
jimmy: Yes, so I will cut him some slack.
tomk: Like you would have done better against stacking robots.
jimmy: Those Kang-bots should have used that tactic more…not that it worked out the one time they did it.
tomk: It worked in other places. You think Batroc the Leaper was handling those things better in Paris?
jimmy: Is he the only French costumed character?
tomk: The only one I could think of off the top of my head!
jimmy: I can’t think of another.
tomk: Well, good. But Jimmy, you might have done better in the past. I mean, you used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was. Now what you’re with isn’t it and what’s it seems weird and scary to me.
jimmy: I have that feeling hearing 90’s songs on the classic rock station.
tomk: Better than the Oldies channel!
That means you’re a classic, not old.
jimmy: I am a classic.
tomk: Well, the Avengers found an army, they learned how to send stuff back to the future, and they know where Kang is. I guess now they just have to stop him.
jimmy: Should be easy.
tomk: Sure. Everyone knows what a pushover Kang is.
jimmy: He’s making his feature film debut versus Ant-Man…he can’t be that intimidating.
tomk: You mean the guy who leads armies of unkillable insects?
jimmy: But only remembers to do it once an episode.
tomk: Once is enough. Ants made the Tick freak out and run away.
jimmy: That’s why he’s not an Avenger.
tomk: He isn’t? Now I’m disillusioned.
jimmy: Maybe he’ll show up next time.
tomk: Wanna find out?
jimmy: I do.
tomk: Then I guess we better move on then.
jimmy: SPOON!
NEXT: Tom and Jimmy will return soon with more Avengers chat. Be here when they talk “The Kang Dynasty” and “The Casket of Ancient Winters”.
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