December 1, 2022

Gabbing Geek

Your online community for all things geeky.

Simpsons Did It!: “Habeas Tortoise”

In which Homer joins with some locals to go looking for a missing tortoise.

Well, here I am at another season premier.  No real guest stars here unless Joe Mantegna counts as one of many groaning over the loss of Columbus Day.

But man, did I think I would still be doing this by this point?  I dunno.  Ask Jimmy.

The story opens at a town meeting, one where Helen Lovejoy takes over to complain about the proliferation of Little Free Libraries around town.  Any sort of book could be in there, like the Kama Sutra or something along those lines.  Principal Skinner doesn’t mind since they, unlike the public school library, have books that came out after the 1940s and don’t refer to Iceland as a promising kingdom.  Agnes Skinner, meanwhile, sees them as a problem since they might be painted the wrong shade of white.

Homer then suggests they gather all the books into one building and let people borrow them for free.

That gets him laughed at and called stupid because Springfield already has a public library.  And the meeting was being held inside of it.

Now, calling Homer stupid is nothing new, and every so often, it bothers him.  This is one of those times, and Marge sees he’s so upset that she takes him to the zoo to see the 150 year old tortoise Slow Lenny.  Small problem:  Slow Lenny is missing, and the Zoo Director, who is not Larry Kidkill, doesn’t seem to have a good explanation as to where he went.  Distraught, Homer decides to look for Slow Lenny himself, especially as Chief Wiggum also thinks Homer is stupid for trying to start an official investigation into a turtle kidnapping.

That’s pretty rich coming from one of the few characters in town dumber than Homer is.

Anyhoo, Marge suggests Homer try Facelook to see if anyone else is missing Slow Lenny.  Turns out there’s a group, and Homer has some photos that show some evidence of shady dealings that his new group agrees with.  From there, Homer starts his own investigation, one that soon adds members to the group, starting with Superintendent Chalmers since he has a doorbell cam across the street from the zoo.  Getting a lot of likes and the like make Homer happy enough to invite the group over to brainstorm ideas for their investigation.  So, there’s Homer’s group, all convinced he’s smart.

That would be Comic Book Guy, Gill, Sideshow Mel, Miss Hoover, Chalmers, and Drederick Tatum.

So far, so good, and Homer got some good yarn for his board.  As he says, there are no bad ideas.

Wait, yes there are.  Now Homer’s group has gone full-on conspiracy theory.  Enough to believe there’s a mysterious group hiding Slow Lenny, possibly to use his blood to give billionaires extended lifespans.  Time to protest outside the Zoo Director’s house, where Chief Wiggum will join Homer’s group and Gill will propose to Miss Hoover to the general delight of everyone including the Zoo Director.

Now, Marge is trying to be supportive.  She doesn’t want Homer to be upset over his perceived lack of intelligence, even telling Bart to stop calling Homer’s ideas stupid and Lisa to stop proving they’re stupid.  But this is going too far, and Marge puts her foot down.  Mostly because Slow Lenny is inside the Simpson house.

Yes, Homer didn’t commit the crime.  He just solved it.  It turned out Slow Lenny just got out of his pen.  Homer fell down a hill and into what Lisa called a literal rabbit hole (because it was) and found the tortoise in there.  But Homer has been enjoying all this positive attention and didn’t want that it to end.

He’ll change his mind at the conspiracy-themed wedding reception when the others start talking about committing an act of violence against the Zoo Director.  Crazy ideas are one thing.  Crazy actions that get people hurt are something else.

So, does that mean the good times have to end, even for Gill and Miss Hoover?

Nah!   Homer just starts wondering aloud where calamari came from, so they have a new conspiracy to look into.  No bad ideas!

Plus, it turns out someone is monitoring them.

Big Yarn loves it because people buy their product.

Well, I am sure Homer learned a valuable lesson.  Or he didn’t.  Hard to say sometimes.

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