Well, things got a little crazy or something since it may have been a while since Jimmy and Tom got a chat log of something in. But they’re back on track now with two more episodes of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. This time, they’ll be looking at “Some Assembly Required” and “Living Legend”.
It may be a groovy talk. Or it may not. See below to find out.
“Some Assembly Required”
Tensions rise between the Hulk and his new teammates.
jimmy: Interesting way to tie Cap in there at the end.
tomk: What? Hinting there is a replacement for the Hulk almost immediately after his departure? That never happens.
And yeah, Captain Jean-Luc America Picard is always lurking somewhere.
jimmy: They’re going to need a lot of Earl Grey to thaw him out.
tomk: That’s for some other time. In the meantime…man, the Enchantress doesn’t wait around very long.
jimmy: She ain’t got time for that.
tomk: She don’t text?
jimmy: Probably not.
tomk: Like the Hulk has no time for gates?
jimmy: Or not being rude.
tomk: Manners maketh the man.
jimmy: And lack of maketh the monster?
tomk: I don’t know. The Kingsmen didn’t elaborate.
jimmy: He was more Enchantress than Hulk at that point anyway. Maybe.
Punctual either way.
tomk: In that he was punching people?
jimmy: Just gates at that point.
tomk: Well, what else was the Hulk going to do? He has no family. He has no friends. He doesn’t have a job. He just hangs out on street corners and looks surly.
jimmy: Maybe he needs a hot dog cart? At least then he’d be making money.
tomk: As long as he doesn’t eat all his merchandise before he can sell anything.
jimmy: Hmm. Good point. He took no mercy on the Avengers fridge.
tomk: Or the Avengers’ Danger Room.
jimmy: Level 1.
tomk: That’s above Troi Level.
jimmy: I said 1, not -1.
tomk: Right. Above.
jimmy: Ah. I missed the “above”. My bad.
tomk: You better watch it. Carelessness like that you have you dealing with level 2.
jimmy: I’ll let Black Panther take my turn.
tomk: You let the foreigner take your turn?
jimmy: I’m a foreigner too don’t forget.
tomk: I didn’t want to say you want the black guy to take your turn.
jimmy: Less about the black and more about the super powers, which I lack.
tomk: What about your power to be a good friend?
jimmy: That only gets you so far against most super villains.
tomk: Oh come on. You talked Doctor Squid, Doctor Octopus’s non-union Canadian counterpart, down without too much trouble.
jimmy: He’s really a big teddy bear.
tomk: No, that’s Captain Teddy Bear.
jimmy: Oh. I really need new glasses.
tomk: You also probably don’t need to tell the Hulk how to use his ID card.
jimmy: I’d be more concerned about him having pockets.
tomk: You think he has no pockets in those pants?
I’d be more concerned Thor would short his out the first time he summoned some lightning.
jimmy: Maybe smart cards are not the way to go with this group.
tomk: What happens if Hank’s doesn’t change size?
jimmy: I don’t think Tony thought this through.
tomk: I get the impression Tony doesn’t think a lot of things through.
jimmy: Like if he should go to meetings?
tomk: Maybe just think about what people really need. Like an anti-Asgardian magic shield or a seat at the table for you and the Moose.
jimmy: He said he’d call me back on that last one.
tomk: Really? The Moose was looking at his invitation and it had a “plus one” on it.
jimmy: He got an invitation!?!
tomk: I think he’s taking Malin Ackerman as his plus one if you didn’t know about it.
jimmy: Son of a…!!
tomk: I think Tony just wants him for his skills as a drummer.
Hey, maybe the Moose declined because you weren’t invited.
jimmy: He better have! I suppose they’ll give my spot to Black Panther or some kind of living legend.
tomk: Living legend? Like Bruce Campbell?
jimmy: I would gladly give up my spot for him!
jimmy: I feel like the Enchantress storyline was some kind of homage to the first issues of the original Lee/Kirby run. But I’m not sure if I’ve ever read them.
tomk: It was the Space Phantom in the original story.
jimmy: Was that like issue #2?
tomk: Yes. Space Phantom caused distrust amongst the team and the Hulk got mad and quit.
jimmy: That Space Phantom is a jerk.
tomk: Yeah, well, he’s also not a jerk you can build a long term story from. You need hot blondes and guys with axes for that.
jimmy: And how!
tomk: I know how that works with you.
jimmy: He’s OK.
tomk: He does sleep all night, but he works all day. Not like that lousy Iron Man.
jimmy: He never sleeps.
tomk: That explains many of his poor decisions.
jimmy: That and the excessive drinking.
tomk: I mean, who asks for the Moose and not Jimmy Impossible? That doesn’t make sense.
It’s like recruiting Robin but not Batman.
jimmy: I’m Batman!
tomk: Maybe after some head trauma.
jimmy: Seems about right.
tomk: You do like Snickers.
jimmy: I do.
tomk: Well, even if you are Ethan Hunt to the Moose’s rest-of-the-IMF team, do you have anything to add about this episode?
jimmy: Don’t invite Hulk to your gate warming party?
tomk: That’s a good lesson. Hey, I found your invitation under the carpet. It must have slid there when it came through the mail slot.
jimmy: I knew those guys couldn’t resist.
tomk: As long as some living legend doesn’t show up for that slot.
tomk: Maybe. There are few people who could justifiably take the seat for both you and the Moose. One is Bruce Campbell. Another is…well, you know who it is.
While out looking for the Hulk, the Avengers find an unexpected person frozen in ice.
jimmy: It was a bit surprising that the first time Captain America meets the Avengers…they fight!
tomk: All that talk of just wanting to help him was far too suspicious.
jimmy: That’s exactly what someone that wanted to trick you would say!
tomk: Jimmy, were you frozen in ice again?
jimmy: Every winter.
tomk: Sounds like a personal problem.
jimmy: Or, you know, Canada.
tomk: Is that why the Impossmobile is a snowmobile?
jimmy: Makes sense.
tomk: It also had a sidecar for the Moose
But that has little to do with Captain America, Baron Zemo, Doughboy, or sticky goo.
jimmy: Is Doughboy from the comics?
jimmy: He looks delicious.
tomk: Maybe bake him first.
Salmonella is no joke.
jimmy: I’m gonna need a lot of chocolate chips.
tomk: And hope he doesn’t squirm much before you bake him or after you eat him.
jimmy: Well, now my stomach is turned. Maybe I’ll just let Wasp explode him from the inside out.
tomk: That just turns her stomach. Also possibly Doughboy’s. If he has one.
jimmy: I’m not familiar with him at all from the comics. Is he generally an Avengers foe?
tomk: He’s a minion Zola whipped up in a lab, so he probably mostly messes with Cap.
jimmy: Makes sense.
tomk: The only times I have seen him are in Cap’s solo book.
jimmy: Probably why I’m not familiar with him. Haven’t really read any solo Cap outside of the “replacement” eras like John Walker and Bucky.
tomk: That’s such a Canadian thing.
jimmy: it is? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
tomk: I assumed you preferred Captain Canuck.
jimmy: I’ve read exactly one Captain Canuck comic in my life.
tomk: Wait, there really is a Captain Canuck?!? Watson wasn’t lying?!?
tomk: I think he stole one of Deadpool’s outfits and dyed it to look like your flag.
jimmy: Maybe it is Deadpool.
tomk: It all fits together.
Like when we talked about how Bruce Campbell is a living legend and then Cap shows up with a prominent chin.
jimmy: Deadpool is Bruce Campbell?
tomk: No. Captain America is the Pizza Poppa,
jimmy: He’s good at tossing those disc shaped objects.
tomk: And he really hates Dr. Strange (maybe).
But probably not as much as Zemo hates Captain America.
jimmy: His hate kept him alive for 70 years, just in case Cap came back.
tomk: That and he probably can’t take that ski mask off.
jimmy: Does that keep you from aging?
tomk: That depends. Does hate keep you young?
Because I would get really mad and hateful if I had to wear the same ski mask for 80 years or so.
jimmy: And it probably doesn’t smell great.
tomk: Right up against what’s left of his nose too.
jimmy: So you can understand why he’s angry.
tomk: He was a jerk to begin with.
jimmy: That may be the bigger factor.
tomk: Not everyone is cut out to be the Red Skull.
jimmy: That’s a good thing.
tomk: Zero has been especially angry since Bucky taunted him after a bad defeat by saying “That’s right, Zemo! You lost! And let me tell you what you didn’t win: a 25 volume of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtlewax, and a year’s supply of Rice-O-Roni, the San Francisco treat. But that’s not all! You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people, and you have brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come. You don’t get to come back tomorrow. You don’t even get a copy of the Captain America home game! You’re a complete loser!”
jimmy: Zemo did better the next weekend on The Price Is Right.
tomk: He lost so badly to Cap, he almost had to.
jimmy: And maybe Bucky should be more humble.
tomk: Cap didn’t understand his references.
jimmy: Even in 1943?
tomk: You think Cap knew what Rice-O-Roni was in 1943?
jimmy: Did it exist?
tomk: Jimmy, I’m not sure Greg exists.
jimmy: He might be a bike riding bot.
tomk: I have better things to wonder about. Like, if Cap was on ice, who captured Zemo before?
tomk: Moe? Judges?
I think it’s a good question to ask about a lot of the loose villains. I don’t think many of these heroes have been on the job very long, but Zemo said in the two part pilot that he had been locked up for six years prior to the mass escape.
jimmy: Hmm. That is a good question. SHIELD maybe?
tomk: It would probably have to be. I mean, there may be other heroes, but it does appear that Cap has been missing for quite some time, Hank doesn’t really wanna be a hero, Janet is kinda new, Thor has maybe only begun to appear on Midgard, and the Hulk only took out bad guys by chance. Iron Man seems to be the most experienced hero that wasn’t fighting in World War II, and even he seems kinda new at dealing with Nick Fury.
And that’s not even getting into the Avenger in the catsuit.
jimmy: Maybe there’s some heroes in-between the Cap and Iron Man days that brought in the random mustache twirler.
tomk: I may know the answers to that, but I also may not.
tomk: What? Do you want me to tell you?
tomk: Well, good. Have a pudding.
tomk: Whatever your favorite flavor happens to be.
It might even be the legendary figgy pudding.
jimmy: It’s not. That’s only liked by spirits of Christmas past and jungle cats.
tomk: Well, in that case, I happen to have a package of Oreos.
jimmy: Everyone loves Oreos. Even jungle cats.
tomk: Zemo doesn’t like them, but he has to eat them through his mask.
jimmy: …and how does he do that?
tomk: Special blender.
jimmy: Special Evil blender.
tomk: Blenders tend to be morally neutral. You want evil? You gotta master that.
jimmy: Is that a seque?
Because it’s awesome.
tomk: Well, you didn’t think the Enchantress and the Executioner stop by just for a cup of tea, do you? They only require all their recruits to have heads.
jimmy: Heads are important.
tomk: Besides, you can’t have a team to take on the Avengers with just three guys. You might need to get someone else.
At least one more first.
jimmy: I’m guessing related to Thor based on the Disney+ thumbnail.
Or maybe someone else. Thumbnails can be deceptive.
You’ll just have to either watch or wonder who that might be.
jimmy: Watch sounds better.
tomk: Well, in that case, it may be time to move on.
tomk: I hope you will always be as excited as that guy. Ready?
jimmy: As ever.
tomk: In that case…
NEXT: Tom and Jimmy will be back soon with more talk, specifically for the episodes “Everything is Wonderful” and “Panther’s Quest”.