OK, good news for Jimmy and Tom: they are finally through with these weird episodes made by splicing together various shorts. Bad news first: they had to go through the least coherent such episode first.
But here they are with their chats on the episodes “The Man in the Ant Hill” and “Breakout” parts one and two.
“The Man in the Ant Hill”
The last of the Avengers deal with Klaw, master of sound!
jimmy: I really only know Klaw from the Secret Wars mini-series. His representation here is more similar to his MCU look and not this pink spandex fool.
tomk: That “pink spandex” isn’t a costume. The story goes that generally because of a vibranium explosion, he was reduced to a being of pure sound that looks like that.
jimmy: Well. Huh. Either way, he doesn’t look like that in his animated or live action incarnations. Which is probably not a bad thing…
tomk: It does suggest that if Klaw looks that way…it may be because he chooses to look that way.
jimmy: It’s distinctive at the very least.
tomk: You just don’t wanna see those purple underoos.
jimmy: I do not.
tomk: That’s probably for the best.
jimmy: But has any comic incarnation of Klaw looked like he did here or in the MCU?
tomk: He usually looks like that in any pre-transformation scene.
jimmy: Well. There you go.
tomk: You think they just made up some gray-haired version of Abe Lincoln mofo and called it a day?
tomk: See? You get it. They figured everyone loves Klaw so much that they were going to have an episode that was even more loosely strung together than the other origin episodes so far.
jimmy: This one almost seemed to be in 3 acts.
Welcome to the jungle. Whirlwind fun and game. M’baku want everything thing you got.
tomk: They didn’t even bother to tie everything together. They did an Ant-Man story, then a Wasp story (guest starring Ant-Man), and then off to see the Black Panther.
jimmy: Vibranium tied it all together I guess.
tomk: Like the Dude’s carpet?
jimmy: Was the Dude’s carpet made of vibranium? Doesn’t sound comfortable.
tomk: No, but it tied the whole room together.
Then again, if it was, that might explain the real reason everyone was so upset about that rug.
jimmy: And why it was so valuable.
tomk: You can’t just take something like that to a cleaner.
jimmy: Maybe if you shrunk it down.
tomk: That’s your answer to everything.
jimmy: It’s so convenient.
tomk: You did it to Watson that one time, and he got caught sneaking into the women’s locker room. That was partially your fault.
Fortunately, at that size, it took Watson a week to walk that far and we caught him.
jimmy: He said he was going to do it to before I shrank him. I just thought he was a mad thinker.
tomk: You thought Watson was thinking? That isn’t like you.
jimmy: It was an off day.
tomk: You and the Moose got drunk the night before and dared Whirlwind to rob that bank, right?
jimmy: I didn’t know he was a mutant. So I’m only partially at fault on that one too.
tomk: I am sensing a pattern. You probably wanted to just hang out with the Wasp since she seemed like a fun woman.
jimmy: Sure. I like fun women. Hank might not have been too happy about it though.
tomk: Eh, he prefers talking.
And building Ultrons.
Besides, if you keep Jan out of trouble, Hank might not mind at all.
jimmy: Or notice.
tomk: He’s not a good boyfriend, is he?
jimmy: He’s Reed like that.
tomk: I wouldn’t even know what those two have in common. Unless she’s just glad he gave her zappers.
That must have been an interesting conversation…
HANK: Jan, you know I am against violence and putting you in danger, but here’s some wings and wrist blasters that should never be used for any reason that might be violent.
HANK: I may have miscalculated.
jimmy: Heh. Sounds about right.
tomk: Hank fights pretty well for a pacifist.
jimmy: Choosing not to fight doesn’t mean you don’t know how.
tomk: Maybe. But he’s so adverse to dangerous situations.
jimmy: Like the middle of the jungle?
tomk: You should feel welcome to the jungle. I hear they’ve got fun and games.
jimmy: I know!
tomk: Just don’t get into a fight with the Man-Ape.
jimmy: He cheats.
tomk: He works better as a good guy.
jimmy: He’s certainly that here.
tomk: …he killed King T’Chaka…
jimmy: Yeah, this episode got real dark real fast.
tomk: But that was the last segment.
jimmy: And I misread the above as “he works better as a bad guy”.
tomk: You need your eyes checked. Maybe try these stylish reading glasses that sometimes grant x-ray vision.
jimmy: I’ll take those.
tomk: I can’t imagine why.
jimmy: I lost my keys. What were you thinking?
tomk: That you were looking for a career in radiology.
jimmy: I need it. My Pym Particle replacement research has been a bust.
tomk: You should have never let your eyes off the prize of the Imparticles.
jimmy: I kept trying to shrink down super villains to put in a tiny prison, but I kept making them bigger.
tomk: Were those supervillains the Watson Family Reunion?
jimmy: There’s no rehabilitating them.
tomk: Your legendary feud with them keeps requiring Ryan to come get you all out of jail. You, the Moose, the Beaver, and Cousin Minka can’t keep that up forever.
jimmy: They started it.
tomk: It doesn’t matter who started it. The Newfoundland Avengers keep getting into trouble. Why can’t you guys stop a spinning jerk?
jimmy: We don’t have the Wasp?
tomk: You have the Butterfly.
jimmy: He looks useful.
tomk: You’ve never seen The Venture Brothers.
No one on that show is all that useful.
jimmy: Seen or heard of? No to both.
tomk: That’s too bad. Probably about your sense of humor.
jimmy: And I have a better sense of humor than Nick Fury.
tomk: Everyone does.
jimmy: Even Bart?
tomk: Especially you, but especially Bart.
jimmy: I’ll add it to The List.
tomk: I’m sure you will get to enjoy it around the time Jenny stops raiding your donut stash to enjoy BTAS.
jimmy: Or the universe implodes.
tomk: Always with the end of time with you…
jimmy: Seems more like a Kang segue than for an Ant-Man/Wasp/Black Panther episodes.
The parallels to the MCU is interesting in a lot of cases. I know they draw from the same source material, but they often differentiate from the comics in similar ways.
tomk: Very true, and the MCU wasn’t much of a thing back then. Though oddly enough, the guy who plays Hank here still does a lot of Marvel voice work…as Iron Man, including on What If?.
jimmy: He does a good Tony Stark impression.
tomk: Or a good RDJ impression.
jimmy: If you’re gonna be all specific and correct about it, yes.
tomk: It’s not as good as your Watson impression.
jimmy: I do get a lot of requests for it.
tomk: Are those requests that you stop?
tomk: Well, Jimmy, you have now met all of the Avengers. At least the ones to start the show off. There may be others later.
jimmy: Time to circle back a half dozen episodes?
tomk: Well, only if you’d like to continue and see a more coherent story with more of these characters interacting.
jimmy: I would!
tomk: In that case, have I got a two-parter for you!
“Breakout Parts 1 & 2”
Five of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes unite after a supervillain prison break
jimmy: I think I’ve seen this episode before.
tomk: Lousy Terrax.
jimmy: Graviton looked a bit different back then.
tomk: Why do I get the feeling this is in reference to some old Spider-Man cartoon that broke you in some small way?
jimmy: Lifting the city did remind me of this old LSD trip, I mean, cartoon.
tomk: Ah. It reminded me of when I would snoop around online and find arguments over which of Galactus’s heralds was the strongest, and inevitably someone would point out Terrax once lifted Manhattan.
jimmy: Ah. Hence your earlier comment that I didn’t get.
tomk: That’s OK. I didn’t recognize your first pic.
jimmy: Let’s start again.
So, you obviously wouldn’t want to watch this as the first two episodes of the series.
tomk: Too many plot lines already started, like Hawkeye in jail or Tony mad about tech theft or the whole “four prisons” thing.
jimmy: I guess these are the first “real” episodes, following up on the webisodes, or whatever they were?
tomk: You got it. Have a candy bar of your choice.
jimmy: Snickers please.
tomk: Sorry. Moose took that one.
jimmy: He always does.
tomk: He was very hungry. Looked a lot like an older celebrity whose personality doesn’t match his at all.
jimmy: Hmm. Who could it be?
jimmy: He looks like someone that doesn’t text.
tomk: No. He just demands Snickers.
jimmy: They are satisfying.
tomk: Like watching the Hulk rise no matter how much gravity some jerk hits him with?
jimmy: Hulk no care about gravity!
tomk: It’s what you get when you brag you are the strongest one there is.
jimmy: Hulk stronger than laws of physics.
tomk: Hank should pay more attention. He thought just clapping his hands around a guy repelling an enchanted hammer was a good idea.
jimmy: Not to mention how long that guy can hold his breath underwater.
tomk: Thor? You think you can drown a god that has power over rain?
tomk: Obviously not. Can’t crush him with a city either.
jimmy: That guy is nigh-invincible!
tomk: His one weakness: awkward small talk.
jimmy: I have that weakness too. Maybe I’m Thor?
tomk: Can you lift that hammer in the lobby?
jimmy: Gus the repair guy’s hammer? Sure.
tomk: Well, that sadly proves nothing.
jimmy: I’m the best at not being helpful.
tomk: I’d say that means you aren’t Thor then.
jimmy: That probably wasn’t really much of a possibility.
tomk: You can probably lift that hammer over there for Canadian Thor.
He’s mostly just very apologetic.
jimmy: Apologetic I can do!
tomk: Good. Start with Watson.
jimmy: Oh, I’m not apologizing to him. I’d apologize to Graviton first.
tomk: How about Bender?
jimmy: I’d apologize for kicking his shiny metal ass.
jimmy: Hammering? No, wait…
I feel like this is a “Graviton was voiced by…” segue…
tomk: It is. Here’s a slice of chocolate cake.
jimmy: I never would have guessed that. The voice actor, not the cake.
tomk: Cake is predictable now? Ok. No more cake.
Besides, turns out I was wrong. Graviton was voiced by the same actor who plays the Hulk.
jimmy: That wasn’t much of a segue then.
tomk: Then you can have the cake back.
jimmy: Looks like I’m a winner along with the Avengers. A name the Hulk likes.
tomk: Well, it was that or Cap’n Tony’s Fun Time Zoom Boys, but that one probably wouldn’t have worked as well.
jimmy: And alienated Wasp.
tomk: Her wings are strong enough to carry a full-grown adult.
jimmy: I know ants can carry multiples of their body weight, maybe wasps can too.
tomk: Maybe Hank doesn’t understand how Wasps work.
jimmy: Do you?
tomk: No, but I don’t pretend I am a great scientist either.
jimmy: What are you doing in the basement lab all the time then?
tomk: That’s Greg.
I use the library in the attic.
jimmy: I really need to pay more attention…hey look! A blue car!
tomk: That you should pay attention to. That’s your company car, and Watson just drove away in it.
jimmy: Off to pick up Baron Zemo or someone of similar ilk.
tomk: Or he’s acting as a distraction while someone raids your donut stash.
I mean, otherwise you are assuming Zemo trusts Watson to get that task done correctly.
jimmy: No one trusts Watson.
tomk: That’s why you get a company car and he doesn’t even rate the company pogo stick.
jimmy: Neither of which would be much good against Graviton.
tomk: You really need to do like Moonstrone did in the Thunderbolts comics: point out what he’s doing is really cliched and get him to go away for a while until he figures out what he really wants.
jimmy: That seems too easy.
tomk: It is until he comes back.
jimmy: The Avengers and/or Thunderbolts will probably have a new line up by then, and that’s their problem to deal with.
tomk: You think pushing your problems off on future generations is an acceptable solution?
jimmy: Sure why not?
tomk: You’re the reason humpback whales went extinct and caused problems for Admiral Kirk!
You probably invested heavily in Sentinel technology because they won’t bother anyone until days of future past, whenever that is!
And I am sure you and the Moose probably programmed Skynet at some point.
jimmy: It’s more of a Skywashcloth at this point.
tomk: Jimmy, you might need to think about the future.
jimmy: Children are the future. I don’t have any.
tomk: What about the Moose’s family?
jimmy: He has a family? That lying bastard!
tomk: Man, you don’t wanna know about the Beaver’s kids…
jimmy: Funny enough, I was sorting my collection today and came across this:
tomk: That’s fashion.
jimmy: It was the 90’s.
tomk: Well, the temperatures sure have been lately.
jimmy: That’s hot.
tomk: It is. Would you like a lemonade?
tomk: Ok. Go see the kid selling it in the parking lot.
jimmy: I’ll be back in a jiffy!
tomk: I hope Jimmy has the right currency. I wouldn’t want him to be Graviton’s new cellmate.
jimmy: I’m back! They were all out of lemonade, so I got a crab juice.
tomk: Um, I will pass.
jimmy: It was that or Mountain Dew.
tomk: I’d rather go thirsty. Or maybe hang out in the helicarrier after it lands in the river.
jimmy: They just don’t make helicarriers to last anymore.
tomk: They really need to build one to stay aloft in case a prison enlarges inside of it.
jimmy: Like that doesn’t happen every other day.
tomk: Still, that’s a lot of loose bad guys.
jimmy: Good thing there’s a newly formed super team to take them all down.
tomk: Long live the Fantastic Four!
jimmy: Try again.
tomk: Jumpin’ Jimmy and his Radical Raiders?
jimmy: Closer. Warmer.
tomk: Watson’s Hotties?
jimmy: Now you’re not even trying. They’re not the Prevengers, they’re the…?
tomk: Fine. The Justice League of Avenging Youngbloods.
jimmy: Now, was that so difficult?
tomk: There was a lot of Rob Liefled artwork to deal with.
jimmy: That can be hard on anyone. Good for you. Have a turducken.
tomk: Like this one?
jimmy: Seeing this pre-cooked is like the saying to never meet your heroes.
tomk: You assumed it formed fully cooked in the wild?
jimmy: Well, no. But I don’t like the illusion being spoiled. Like when I’m at Subway and they bring out a Tupperware contain full of vegetables and fill one of the empty spots. I know it’s no big deal, but it bothers me.
tomk: Then you must not care how someone hacked all four prisons at once.
jimmy: Unless it involves a Tupperware container full of lettuce, I do.
tomk: What if that’s how the mystery bad guy smuggled things in?
jimmy: Do they use the lettuce to make me a sandwich?
Are you saying you don’t want this sandwich?
jimmy: I’ll risk it.
tomk: Let me fetch it from this Hefty bag.
jimmy: Is it in a Hefty bag because of it’s size or it’s in the garbage?
tomk: The size of the bag or sandwich?
jimmy: The sandwich.
tomk: Well, the bag had “Hulk Lunch” written on the side.
jimmy: Then we’re good.
tomk: Sure. No one will mind if you eat a sandwich with someone else’s name on it.
jimmy: Here we go again with your societal rules and common courtesies.
tomk: Hey, you want the rage monster’s lunch, that’s not on me.
jimmy: Hmm. Maybe I’ll just stick with my donut stash…hey! It’s empty!
tomk: I told you that you didn’t want to know about the Beaver’s kids. They think all humans whose names begin and end with the same letter look alike and keep leading Jenny to your donut stash.
tomk: Never fear. There’s a fresh stash over there.
jimmy: Thank Jeebus!
tomk: Enjoy as you consider this story combined the classic Avengers origin story with Bendis’s first New Avengers plot.
jimmy: Ah. I never read that.
tomk: Bendis or Lee and Kirby?
jimmy: Bendis. Though I’m not sure how much early Avengers I’ve read either.
tomk: Bendis just had most of his team show up for a mass prison break from the Raft. Then they stayed together to round up the escapees.
jimmy: Just one prison? How quaint.
tomk: Same number of prisoners. And it looks like in the case of the Cube, a lot of them stayed put.
jimmy: Was the Raft ant-sized?
tomk: The Raft was the underwater one built for Graviton.
jimmy: But in the comics, since there was only one prison…
tomk: It was an island off the coast of Manhattan with multiple underground levels. Carnage was among the baddies down there until the Sentry flew him into orbit and ripped him in half.
And he was never heard of again.
jimmy: …sure. Right.
tomk: I can dream, can’t I?
jimmy: Dream on, little Tom. Dream on.
tomk: Why? Would someone do something silly like put Carnage in a tame PG-13 movie?
jimmy: That’s unpossible.
tomk: Like Nick Fury just locking a guy up for having gravity powers before he’d really actually done anything?
jimmy: Nick Fury can be a bit of a jerk.
tomk: No wonder Tony just said no.
jimmy: Tony’s smrt.
tomk: Is he, Jimmy? Is he?
jimmy: Smarter than Watson at least?
tomk: Well, he made a team with a god, a rage monster, the guy who hates violence for any reason, and the Wasp. Not exactly a group with a lot in common.
jimmy: They said the same thing about The Beatles.
tomk: Which Avenger is Ringo?
tomk: I would have said Aquaman for his octopus’s garden.
jimmy: Wrong superteam, Tom.
tomk: Really? Who helped out every time one of the Avengers landed in the Hudson?
tomk: He hates everybody.
jimmy: Then maybe you’re right.
tomk: I may be right. Or I may be crazy.
jimmy: You just may be the lunatic Fury’s looking for.
jimmy: Because you’re not a lunatic?
tomk: I don’t think so.
jimmy: That’s good.
tomk: The Avengers contain potassium benzoate.
jimmy: That’s bad.
tomk: For bad guys.
jimmy: Shall we see how this new team gets along and tries to clean up this mess?
tomk: Well, if you really want to.
jimmy: You don’t?
tomk: Oh sure. Just checking.
jimmy: Ok then. Let’s move onto episode…uh…I can’t even keep track.
tomk: Fortunately, I have.
NEXT: Tom and Jimmy will return with chats on the episodes “Some Assembly Required” and “Living Legend:”