Simpsons Did It!: “A Made Maggie”

My family tends to do its Christmas celebrations a bit early.  It comes from the fact that Mom was a nurse and often worked on Christmas, so we arranged something that fit into everyone’s schedule.  What does that have to do with, you know, anything?  Well, I was there instead of watching The Simpsons when it aired and somewhat forgot a new episode aired until I noticed an opening in the Gabbing Geek schedule that I had deliberately set aside for, well, this episode.

But I got it done on time!

OK, for all of that opening, I am sure this episode was…well, a whole lot of not much.  Homer and Marge take the older two kids to a Harry Potter knock-off theme park and left Maggie with Grampa.  There’s the usual silliness at the park.  Homer gets sorted into a house, takes it too seriously, then Bart gets him on a tilt-a-whirl that ends with the entire family in the gift shop buying wands.  They get home, where Homer says the trip was, like always, not as fun as he expected it to be, only to find Grampa got confused, diapered the cat and let Maggie out for the night.  Fortunately, Flanders found Maggie and asked about Maggie’s baptism since that sort of thing could have gone badly, and Marge surely wouldn’t want Maggie’s soul to go Hell?

Does Ned not remember when he tried to baptize the Simpson kids himself?

Regardless, Marge has a bad dream where Maggie goes to Hell.  That disturbs her.  She is not the slightest bit disturbed Bart is already down there, even if Milhouse is growing out of her Special Little Guy’s back.

Regardless, Marge wakes up and demands Homer find the best man he knows to be Maggie’s godfather.  Homer heads out with Maggie and goes right to where the best men he knows are.

That’s Moe’s Tavern.

However, Lenny asks about being the godfather, so he’s out.  Lenny tells Carl he can’t be the godfather and Carl says he won’t be told when he can or can’t be a godfather, so he’s out.  Moe assumes he’s it, so he’s out.  And Barney is passed out on the floor, so he’s out.

Chief Wiggum was also out due to what kind of father he’s been to Ralph, and Mr. Burns said “no” off-screen because he’s apparently allergic to new baby smell.

But who does come through?  Joe Mantegna’s Fat Tony!  A man whose quick thinking saves Homer and Maggie from a falling piano.  However, he is a religious man, and Homer manages to not anger the Don by mentioning the whole “mafia” thing, and not for lack of trying.  Fortunately, Fat Tony takes a liking to Maggie.  He’ll do it.

Homer might not have had a choice there.  He should have gone with Moe.  Moe bonded with the baby and saved her from the mob once before.

Regardless, Marge isn’t happy about all this, except for how Fat Tony got her a new SUV so she could drive a safe vehicle for once, but the rest of the episode is fairly quick to summarize.  Fat Tony decides to become a part of Maggie’s life, a scenario that makes Fat Tony actually want to be a for-real legitimate businessman with his own baby fashion store, but Maggie starts to act more like a mob boss.  That goes about as could be expected with a mob hit set up to happen during Itchy and Scratchy on Ice, an event where the only people present are Fat Tony and the Simpsons.  Johnny Tightlips makes a move, but the rest of Fat Tony’s mob is still on his side, but seeing Fat Tony smack Johnny around is the last straw for Marge.  She even reluctantly returns the SUV, and Fat Tony understands.

By the by, Marge never saw anything in The Godfather past the wedding scene.

Oh, and Patty was the godmother, but she had no lines.

So, that was the Christmas episode…I guess…