Regardless of what happens in this episode, I think we can all agree that anything bad that happens to Hitler, that guy had it coming.
Did you ever see a show where the characters acknowledge some old friend of theirs that they have supposedly always known but was for one reason or another never seen before? Well, for Amy and Rory, that’s Mels, a woman who they grew up with, were super-friendly with, who heard all about the Doctor, but was never seen before.
Even the Doctor seems to understand that what I just wrote above is kinda weird.
Worth noting the first time the Doctor meets Mels, she has stolen a sports car, rides up to the TARDIS where Amy and Rory have finally gotten his attention, and pulls a gun on the Doctor, demanding that the four of them go kill Hitler.
That guy has it coming.
As it is, Hitler isn’t much in this one, no matter how much he had it coming. Some future humans, miniaturized and walking around in a robot that can assume any human form, are snapping up war criminals to pay for their crimes, and it’s Hitler’s turn. Granted, the humans are a little early, but then the TARDIS crashes into the robot and the Doctor and Co. get out. Hitler is grateful, but then he decides to shoot the robot that he assumes is human, hitting Mels, but Rory gets to do some action hero things like punching Hitler and eventually locking him in a broom closet.
He had that coming and much, much more. But we don’t see him again here.
Instead, Mels regenerates because she was the little girl in the series opening two-parter. And Melody Pond. And, in her new form, a somewhat psychotic River Song. Granted, she doesn’t know that name yet, but here we are.
Oh, and she wants to kill the Doctor. Something about the Silence believe killing the Doctor will answer the unknown ultimate question and then good times for them which is probably bad times for everyone else.
So, this is weird. Frantic and weird. The Doctor even gets hit by River’s poisoned lipstick, forcing him to go try to treat himself in the TARDIS, asking for a holographic assistant. He rejects an image of himself, and then in succession Rose, Martha, and Donna because he feels guilty about them. He has to settle for young Amy since he hasn’t hurt that child…yet, probably.
But there is a problem: those tiny humans looking for war criminals see River as something of a jackpot. Mostly because…she kills the Doctor.
I think it is safe to assume that doesn’t happen here. The Doctor’s death is a fixed point in time, and it has to happen, but not here. Mostly it comes down to River getting her name, getting some of her trademark catchphrases, and giving up her regenerations to heal the Doctor. Plus, no one will be punishing her for something she hasn’t done quite yet.
Let that be a lesson to you…don’t try to kill Hitler. It never turns out the way you think it will.