December 1, 2022

Gabbing Geek

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Weekend Trek “Menage A Troi”

A Ferengi takes an unwanted interest in Lwaxana Troi.

The Ferengi were not the master villains that Star Trek the Next Generation was hoping they would be.  Lwaxana Troi often feels like she stepped out of a different show to annoy people.  Why not do an episode with a Ferengi pursuing Lwaxana Troi?

That happened, and Jimmy and Tom have some thoughts on that.

“Menage a Troi”

A Ferengi takes an unwanted interested in Lwaxana Troi!

jimmy:  Or, “How Wesley Got His Groove Back”.

tomk:  Or “ Riker beat Neelix at Chess”.

jimmy:  Neelix was the Doctor.

tomk:  Riker dresses like a pirate on vacation.

jimmy:  Troi’s outfit was worse.

tomk:  The first one, the one the Ferengi gave her, or her usual attire?

jimmy:  The mini-skirt thing.

Sorry, I should have specified which Troi.

tomk:  Her terrible attire tends to blur together in my mind.

jimmy:  And 2 minutes after Deanna storms out after telling her mother that her and Riker are just friends…they are walking around Betazed holding hands and then kissing.

tomk:  Half the plant life on Betazed gives off airborne aphrodisiacs.

jimmy:  And jingle.

tomk:  It’s why they bang so many gongs at dinners.

jimmy:  To drown out the screams of the radishes?

tomk:  You live in a very dark mental plane, Jimmy.

jimmy:

tomk:  Alright, we have officially seen the surface of Betazed, where just about anybody can crash your picnic.

jimmy:  It looked…pretty much like Earth.  If you don’t get too close to the plant life.

tomk:  Yeah, well, the natives look pretty human too.

jimmy:  Except one.

tomk:  Mr. Homm?  He sure is useful.

jimmy:  He’s a fast berry picker, I’ll give him that.

tomk:  Not very useful when a Ferengi shows up to kidnap your employer.

jimmy:  By that criteria, neither was Riker.

tomk:  He at least outsmarted the other guy long enough to get out of his cell.

jimmy:  And then took him out off-screen.

tomk:  Riker is a giant to those people. Do you really need to see it?

jimmy:  Someone beating on a Ferengi?  Yes please.

tomk:  Maybe that’s the next episode: 40 minuets of Riker beating a Ferengi.

jimmy:  I’d watch that.  Better than whatever amount of time we had to sit through watching Oo-mox.

tomk:  Better than watching Picard quote random lines of Shakespeare to save Lwaxana Troi?

jimmy:  I felt like Patrick Stewart ate that up, but it was a bit awkward for…well…everyone else.

tomk:  That may have been the point.

jimmy:  True.

tomk:  Picard couldn’t just leave Lwaxana behind…though the frustrated lover part was clearly her way of tormenting him.

jimmy:  Nah.  She’d never do that!

tomk:  You could be right if this were the Mirror Universe.

jimmy:  And I don’t have a goatee so I must not be.

tomk:  Or you could be if this is Bizarro Jimmy…

jimmy:  Me not.

tomk:  Well, I’m convinced.  Unlike Lwaxana Troi when given an offer from a Ferengi.

jimmy:  Can you blame her?

tomk:  The only man she won’t give a second look to apparently.

jimmy:  I can understand Ferengi not being her type.  Especially when they are viewed as untrustworthy scoundrels.

tomk:  And impossible to mind read. I am sure Data has a vaguely racist-sounding explanation for that.

jimmy:  And usually the mind readers find the minds they can’t read intriguing.  But, not here.

tomk:  Ferengi don’t exactly hide what they’re feeling or thinking very well.

jimmy:  And they’re not very good at space chess.

tomk:  Odd since even in the days Kirk and Spock played 4-D chess, it never looked like it even had rules.

jimmy:  And what they did show didn’t seem to make sense.

But better than that wiggle your fingers game.

tomk:  Or most Klingon games. Those usually involve deep hurting.

jimmy:  Should I know what that image is?

tomk:  If you don’t know Mystery Science Theater 3000 in one of its earliest forms, I am not sure I can help you.

jimmy:  I’ve never watched it.

tomk:  I am sure an out-of-context clip with no explanations will only increase your confusion and cultural isolation.

jimmy:  I…see…

tomk:  See?  It did increase your confusion and possibly your cultural isolation.

jimmy:  At least I wasn’t beamed out of my clothes.

tomk:  Ferengi respect men enough to let them keep their pants…though Ferengi and Betazeds/humans are very different biologically.  I did appreciate that the sidekick Ferengi who can’t play chess points out that, for them, these women are not physically attractive.

jimmy:  Except to the Damon.

tomk:  He was more interested in her telepathy than her body.  For profit.

jimmy:  That was his plan for sure, but he seemed pretty enamored with her.

tomk:  Maybe he’s got some kind of humanoid kink that most Ferengi don’t understand.

jimmy:  Looked that way.

tomk:  Ferengi also probably don’t know it’s wrong to kink shame.

jimmy:  All they know is profit.

tomk:  They don’t know Jimmy Impossible then.  He’s a prophet.

Like Ben Sisko.

Or people Ben Sisko sort of knows inside the wormhole.

Say, do you have plans to move into the Bajoran wormhole any time soon?

jimmy:  Soon?  No.

tomk:  Good.  TV reception there is rough.  Might be difficult to rewatch anything.

jimmy:  I’ll just listen to the music in the static.

tomk:  I’ve heard of worse plans.  Like kidnapping Lwaxana Troi.  That’s a real “Ransom of Red Chief” sort of scenario.

jimmy:  I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing it’s bad.

tomk:  “Ransom of Red Chief” is a humorous short story by American writer O’Henry.  The plot is two low level criminals kidnap a little boy who pretends to be a Native American named Red Chief.  When they send the parents a ransom note, the parents send one back telling the kidnappers how much the crooks need to pay to give the kid back.  Turns out the boy is a major troublemaker and the criminals end up paying the parents a ransom to give the boy back.

jimmy:  Like if someone kidnapped Watson.

tomk:  More or less.

Turns out no one wants to kidnap Watson.

jimmy:  And we didn’t need Ryan performing songs from Hamilton to get him back.

tomk:  We don’t need Ryan performing songs from anything for any reason.

jimmy:  Maybe he has a heavenly singing voice. Like Urkel!

tomk:  Or he has one Watson will reference forever. Like Vin Diesel!

jimmy:  I’ve never listened to that single. Am I missing out?

tomk:  I don’t know. I’ve never listened to it either.

jimmy:  Let’s not start now then. So, how about that Wesley getting a promotion and a new hat?

tomk:  Apparently, Picard can just do that?

jimmy:  Apparently. Maybe he discussed with Starfleet on his call to explain why Wesley never bothered to show up for his exams.

tomk:  Well, Wesley was involved in an important rescue of a diplomat.

I still wanna know who made Lwaxana Troi a diplomat…

jimmy:  Her old school chum it looks like.

tomk:  Maybe he wanted to get rid of her.

jimmy:  Not an uncommon theme.

tomk:  Like how only Wesley would remember the weird music guy?

jimmy:  Wesley’s special. And if the guy played the same eight notes over and over for who knows how many hours at the reception, they’d probably get stuck in your head too.

tomk:  Wes did know what it was.

So, did Wesley invent the transporter that removes clothing?

jimmy:  Ferengi Wesley did that.

tomk:  I am not surprised.

jimmy:  I won’t miss that awkward grey jumpsuit with the weird flares on the back.

tomk:  Would you want the ugly sweaters back?

jimmy:  Nope.

tomk:  At least you have some good Starfleet fashion sense.

jimmy:  Unlike most people in the future whose clothing was inspired by pirates.

tomk:  Or colorblind aerobics instructors.

jimmy:  Haha, yes

tomk:  Hence the deep hurting.

jimmy:

tom:  But as excuses to keep Wil Wheaton on the show go, Picard promoting him suddenly and possibly without authorization is not the worst way to go.

jimmy:  I wonder was he making rumblings by that point about being unhappy?

tomk:  Well, maybe, maybe not.  He does leave halfway through season four.  I know that much.  And he’d still make the occasional guest appearance, even in one movie where most of his dialogue hit the cutting room floor.

jimmy:  Patrick Stewart was probably calling him at all hours quoting Shakespeare.

tomk:  That sounds like a good way to fall asleep as night, as the gentle timber of Sir Patrick’s voice recites a love sonnet to you as you drift off to slumberland….

jimmy:  Damn. I need that.

tomk:  We can afford to have Watson do it for you.

jimmy:  I’ll never sleep again.

tomk:  Well, on that cheerful note, do you have anything else to add here, Jimmy?

jimmy:  Riker and Troi need to decide if they’re together or not.

tomk:  Riker plays the field with whatever available woman is hanging around.  It just so happened this time, the only option was Troi.

jimmy:  Not the only option…

tomk:  No.  She was the only option.  Lwaxana Troi is never an option.

jimmy:  Heh.

tomk:  Riker likes the thrill of the hunt.  You don’t get that when the target of your affections throws up a white flag as soon as she sees you.

jimmy:  Shall we see who Riker’s hunting next time?

tomk:  Riker?  Well, possibly no one since next is a Dr. Crusher episode.

jimmy:  Riker avoids the single moms.

tomk  Some of them might be looking for child support.

jimmy:  This is going to go nowhere good. Let’s see what Beverly is up to.

tomk:  Good idea.  We wouldn’t want to reimagine the characters from this show as evil.

Next:  “Transfigurations”

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