Weekend Trek “Menage A Troi”

The Ferengi were not the master villains that Star Trek the Next Generation was hoping they would be.  Lwaxana Troi often feels like she stepped out of a different show to annoy people.  Why not do an episode with a Ferengi pursuing Lwaxana Troi?

That happened, and Jimmy and Tom have some thoughts on that.

“Menage a Troi”

A Ferengi takes an unwanted interested in Lwaxana Troi!

jimmy:  Or, “How Wesley Got His Groove Back”.

tomk:  Or “ Riker beat Neelix at Chess”.

jimmy:  Neelix was the Doctor.

tomk:  Riker dresses like a pirate on vacation.

jimmy:  Troi’s outfit was worse.

tomk:  The first one, the one the Ferengi gave her, or her usual attire?

jimmy:  The mini-skirt thing.

Sorry, I should have specified which Troi.

tomk:  Her terrible attire tends to blur together in my mind.

jimmy:  And 2 minutes after Deanna storms out after telling her mother that her and Riker are just friends…they are walking around Betazed holding hands and then kissing.

tomk:  Half the plant life on Betazed gives off airborne aphrodisiacs.

jimmy:  And jingle.

tomk:  It’s why they bang so many gongs at dinners.

jimmy:  To drown out the screams of the radishes?

tomk:  You live in a very dark mental plane, Jimmy.

jimmy:

tomk:  Alright, we have officially seen the surface of Betazed, where just about anybody can crash your picnic.

jimmy:  It looked…pretty much like Earth.  If you don’t get too close to the plant life.

tomk:  Yeah, well, the natives look pretty human too.

jimmy:  Except one.

tomk:  Mr. Homm?  He sure is useful.

jimmy:  He’s a fast berry picker, I’ll give him that.

tomk:  Not very useful when a Ferengi shows up to kidnap your employer.

jimmy:  By that criteria, neither was Riker.

tomk:  He at least outsmarted the other guy long enough to get out of his cell.

jimmy:  And then took him out off-screen.

tomk:  Riker is a giant to those people. Do you really need to see it?

jimmy:  Someone beating on a Ferengi?  Yes please.

tomk:  Maybe that’s the next episode: 40 minuets of Riker beating a Ferengi.

jimmy:  I’d watch that.  Better than whatever amount of time we had to sit through watching Oo-mox.

tomk:  Better than watching Picard quote random lines of Shakespeare to save Lwaxana Troi?

jimmy:  I felt like Patrick Stewart ate that up, but it was a bit awkward for…well…everyone else.

tomk:  That may have been the point.

jimmy:  True.

tomk:  Picard couldn’t just leave Lwaxana behind…though the frustrated lover part was clearly her way of tormenting him.

jimmy:  Nah.  She’d never do that!

tomk:  You could be right if this were the Mirror Universe.

jimmy:  And I don’t have a goatee so I must not be.

tomk:  Or you could be if this is Bizarro Jimmy…

jimmy:  Me not.

tomk:  Well, I’m convinced.  Unlike Lwaxana Troi when given an offer from a Ferengi.

jimmy:  Can you blame her?

tomk:  The only man she won’t give a second look to apparently.

jimmy:  I can understand Ferengi not being her type.  Especially when they are viewed as untrustworthy scoundrels.

tomk:  And impossible to mind read. I am sure Data has a vaguely racist-sounding explanation for that.

jimmy:  And usually the mind readers find the minds they can’t read intriguing.  But, not here.

tomk:  Ferengi don’t exactly hide what they’re feeling or thinking very well.

jimmy:  And they’re not very good at space chess.

tomk:  Odd since even in the days Kirk and Spock played 4-D chess, it never looked like it even had rules.

jimmy:  And what they did show didn’t seem to make sense.

But better than that wiggle your fingers game.

tomk:  Or most Klingon games. Those usually involve deep hurting.

jimmy:  Should I know what that image is?

tomk:  If you don’t know Mystery Science Theater 3000 in one of its earliest forms, I am not sure I can help you.

jimmy:  I’ve never watched it.

tomk:  I am sure an out-of-context clip with no explanations will only increase your confusion and cultural isolation.

jimmy:  I…see…

tomk:  See?  It did increase your confusion and possibly your cultural isolation.

jimmy:  At least I wasn’t beamed out of my clothes.

tomk:  Ferengi respect men enough to let them keep their pants…though Ferengi and Betazeds/humans are very different biologically.  I did appreciate that the sidekick Ferengi who can’t play chess points out that, for them, these women are not physically attractive.

jimmy:  Except to the Damon.

tomk:  He was more interested in her telepathy than her body.  For profit.

jimmy:  That was his plan for sure, but he seemed pretty enamored with her.

tomk:  Maybe he’s got some kind of humanoid kink that most Ferengi don’t understand.

jimmy:  Looked that way.

tomk:  Ferengi also probably don’t know it’s wrong to kink shame.

jimmy:  All they know is profit.

tomk:  They don’t know Jimmy Impossible then.  He’s a prophet.

Like Ben Sisko.

Or people Ben Sisko sort of knows inside the wormhole.

Say, do you have plans to move into the Bajoran wormhole any time soon?

jimmy:  Soon?  No.

tomk:  Good.  TV reception there is rough.  Might be difficult to rewatch anything.

jimmy:  I’ll just listen to the music in the static.

tomk:  I’ve heard of worse plans.  Like kidnapping Lwaxana Troi.  That’s a real “Ransom of Red Chief” sort of scenario.

jimmy:  I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing it’s bad.

tomk:  “Ransom of Red Chief” is a humorous short story by American writer O’Henry.  The plot is two low level criminals kidnap a little boy who pretends to be a Native American named Red Chief.  When they send the parents a ransom note, the parents send one back telling the kidnappers how much the crooks need to pay to give the kid back.  Turns out the boy is a major troublemaker and the criminals end up paying the parents a ransom to give the boy back.

jimmy:  Like if someone kidnapped Watson.

tomk:  More or less.

Turns out no one wants to kidnap Watson.

jimmy:  And we didn’t need Ryan performing songs from Hamilton to get him back.

tomk:  We don’t need Ryan performing songs from anything for any reason.

jimmy:  Maybe he has a heavenly singing voice. Like Urkel!

tomk:  Or he has one Watson will reference forever. Like Vin Diesel!

jimmy:  I’ve never listened to that single. Am I missing out?

tomk:  I don’t know. I’ve never listened to it either.

jimmy:  Let’s not start now then. So, how about that Wesley getting a promotion and a new hat?

tomk:  Apparently, Picard can just do that?

jimmy:  Apparently. Maybe he discussed with Starfleet on his call to explain why Wesley never bothered to show up for his exams.

tomk:  Well, Wesley was involved in an important rescue of a diplomat.

I still wanna know who made Lwaxana Troi a diplomat…

jimmy:  Her old school chum it looks like.

tomk:  Maybe he wanted to get rid of her.

jimmy:  Not an uncommon theme.

tomk:  Like how only Wesley would remember the weird music guy?

jimmy:  Wesley’s special. And if the guy played the same eight notes over and over for who knows how many hours at the reception, they’d probably get stuck in your head too.

tomk:  Wes did know what it was.

So, did Wesley invent the transporter that removes clothing?

jimmy:  Ferengi Wesley did that.

tomk:  I am not surprised.

jimmy:  I won’t miss that awkward grey jumpsuit with the weird flares on the back.

tomk:  Would you want the ugly sweaters back?

jimmy:  Nope.

tomk:  At least you have some good Starfleet fashion sense.

jimmy:  Unlike most people in the future whose clothing was inspired by pirates.

tomk:  Or colorblind aerobics instructors.

jimmy:  Haha, yes

tomk:  Hence the deep hurting.

jimmy:

tom:  But as excuses to keep Wil Wheaton on the show go, Picard promoting him suddenly and possibly without authorization is not the worst way to go.

jimmy:  I wonder was he making rumblings by that point about being unhappy?

tomk:  Well, maybe, maybe not.  He does leave halfway through season four.  I know that much.  And he’d still make the occasional guest appearance, even in one movie where most of his dialogue hit the cutting room floor.

jimmy:  Patrick Stewart was probably calling him at all hours quoting Shakespeare.

tomk:  That sounds like a good way to fall asleep as night, as the gentle timber of Sir Patrick’s voice recites a love sonnet to you as you drift off to slumberland….

jimmy:  Damn. I need that.

tomk:  We can afford to have Watson do it for you.

jimmy:  I’ll never sleep again.

tomk:  Well, on that cheerful note, do you have anything else to add here, Jimmy?

jimmy:  Riker and Troi need to decide if they’re together or not.

tomk:  Riker plays the field with whatever available woman is hanging around.  It just so happened this time, the only option was Troi.

jimmy:  Not the only option…

tomk:  No.  She was the only option.  Lwaxana Troi is never an option.

jimmy:  Heh.

tomk:  Riker likes the thrill of the hunt.  You don’t get that when the target of your affections throws up a white flag as soon as she sees you.

jimmy:  Shall we see who Riker’s hunting next time?

tomk:  Riker?  Well, possibly no one since next is a Dr. Crusher episode.

jimmy:  Riker avoids the single moms.

tomk  Some of them might be looking for child support.

jimmy:  This is going to go nowhere good. Let’s see what Beverly is up to.

tomk:  Good idea.  We wouldn’t want to reimagine the characters from this show as evil.

Next:  “Transfigurations”

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