The Ferengi were not the master villains that Star Trek the Next Generation was hoping they would be. Lwaxana Troi often feels like she stepped out of a different show to annoy people. Why not do an episode with a Ferengi pursuing Lwaxana Troi?
That happened, and Jimmy and Tom have some thoughts on that.
“Menage a Troi”
A Ferengi takes an unwanted interested in Lwaxana Troi!
jimmy: Or, “How Wesley Got His Groove Back”.
tomk: Or “ Riker beat Neelix at Chess”.
jimmy: Neelix was the Doctor.
tomk: Riker dresses like a pirate on vacation.
jimmy: Troi’s outfit was worse.
tomk: The first one, the one the Ferengi gave her, or her usual attire?
jimmy: The mini-skirt thing.
Sorry, I should have specified which Troi.
tomk: Her terrible attire tends to blur together in my mind.
jimmy: And 2 minutes after Deanna storms out after telling her mother that her and Riker are just friends…they are walking around Betazed holding hands and then kissing.
tomk: Half the plant life on Betazed gives off airborne aphrodisiacs.
jimmy: And jingle.
tomk: It’s why they bang so many gongs at dinners.
jimmy: To drown out the screams of the radishes?
tomk: You live in a very dark mental plane, Jimmy.
tomk: Alright, we have officially seen the surface of Betazed, where just about anybody can crash your picnic.
jimmy: It looked…pretty much like Earth. If you don’t get too close to the plant life.
tomk: Yeah, well, the natives look pretty human too.
jimmy: Except one.
tomk: Mr. Homm? He sure is useful.
jimmy: He’s a fast berry picker, I’ll give him that.
tomk: Not very useful when a Ferengi shows up to kidnap your employer.
jimmy: By that criteria, neither was Riker.
tomk: He at least outsmarted the other guy long enough to get out of his cell.
jimmy: And then took him out off-screen.
tomk: Riker is a giant to those people. Do you really need to see it?
jimmy: Someone beating on a Ferengi? Yes please.
tomk: Maybe that’s the next episode: 40 minuets of Riker beating a Ferengi.
jimmy: I’d watch that. Better than whatever amount of time we had to sit through watching Oo-mox.
tomk: Better than watching Picard quote random lines of Shakespeare to save Lwaxana Troi?
jimmy: I felt like Patrick Stewart ate that up, but it was a bit awkward for…well…everyone else.
tomk: That may have been the point.
tomk: Picard couldn’t just leave Lwaxana behind…though the frustrated lover part was clearly her way of tormenting him.
jimmy: Nah. She’d never do that!
tomk: You could be right if this were the Mirror Universe.
jimmy: And I don’t have a goatee so I must not be.
tomk: Or you could be if this is Bizarro Jimmy…
jimmy: Me not.
tomk: Well, I’m convinced. Unlike Lwaxana Troi when given an offer from a Ferengi.
jimmy: Can you blame her?
tomk: The only man she won’t give a second look to apparently.
jimmy: I can understand Ferengi not being her type. Especially when they are viewed as untrustworthy scoundrels.
tomk: And impossible to mind read. I am sure Data has a vaguely racist-sounding explanation for that.
jimmy: And usually the mind readers find the minds they can’t read intriguing. But, not here.
tomk: Ferengi don’t exactly hide what they’re feeling or thinking very well.
jimmy: And they’re not very good at space chess.
tomk: Odd since even in the days Kirk and Spock played 4-D chess, it never looked like it even had rules.
jimmy: And what they did show didn’t seem to make sense.
But better than that wiggle your fingers game.
tomk: Or most Klingon games. Those usually involve deep hurting.
jimmy: Should I know what that image is?
tomk: If you don’t know Mystery Science Theater 3000 in one of its earliest forms, I am not sure I can help you.
jimmy: I’ve never watched it.
tomk: I am sure an out-of-context clip with no explanations will only increase your confusion and cultural isolation.
tomk: See? It did increase your confusion and possibly your cultural isolation.
jimmy: At least I wasn’t beamed out of my clothes.
tomk: Ferengi respect men enough to let them keep their pants…though Ferengi and Betazeds/humans are very different biologically. I did appreciate that the sidekick Ferengi who can’t play chess points out that, for them, these women are not physically attractive.
jimmy: Except to the Damon.
tomk: He was more interested in her telepathy than her body. For profit.
jimmy: That was his plan for sure, but he seemed pretty enamored with her.
tomk: Maybe he’s got some kind of humanoid kink that most Ferengi don’t understand.
jimmy: Looked that way.
tomk: Ferengi also probably don’t know it’s wrong to kink shame.
jimmy: All they know is profit.
tomk: They don’t know Jimmy Impossible then. He’s a prophet.
Like Ben Sisko.
Or people Ben Sisko sort of knows inside the wormhole.
Say, do you have plans to move into the Bajoran wormhole any time soon?
jimmy: Soon? No.
tomk: Good. TV reception there is rough. Might be difficult to rewatch anything.
jimmy: I’ll just listen to the music in the static.
tomk: I’ve heard of worse plans. Like kidnapping Lwaxana Troi. That’s a real “Ransom of Red Chief” sort of scenario.
jimmy: I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing it’s bad.
tomk: “Ransom of Red Chief” is a humorous short story by American writer O’Henry. The plot is two low level criminals kidnap a little boy who pretends to be a Native American named Red Chief. When they send the parents a ransom note, the parents send one back telling the kidnappers how much the crooks need to pay to give the kid back. Turns out the boy is a major troublemaker and the criminals end up paying the parents a ransom to give the boy back.
jimmy: Like if someone kidnapped Watson.
tomk: More or less.
Turns out no one wants to kidnap Watson.
jimmy: And we didn’t need Ryan performing songs from Hamilton to get him back.
tomk: We don’t need Ryan performing songs from anything for any reason.
jimmy: Maybe he has a heavenly singing voice. Like Urkel!
tomk: Or he has one Watson will reference forever. Like Vin Diesel!
jimmy: I’ve never listened to that single. Am I missing out?
tomk: I don’t know. I’ve never listened to it either.
jimmy: Let’s not start now then. So, how about that Wesley getting a promotion and a new hat?
tomk: Apparently, Picard can just do that?
jimmy: Apparently. Maybe he discussed with Starfleet on his call to explain why Wesley never bothered to show up for his exams.
tomk: Well, Wesley was involved in an important rescue of a diplomat.
I still wanna know who made Lwaxana Troi a diplomat…
jimmy: Her old school chum it looks like.
tomk: Maybe he wanted to get rid of her.
jimmy: Not an uncommon theme.
tomk: Like how only Wesley would remember the weird music guy?
jimmy: Wesley’s special. And if the guy played the same eight notes over and over for who knows how many hours at the reception, they’d probably get stuck in your head too.
tomk: Wes did know what it was.
So, did Wesley invent the transporter that removes clothing?
jimmy: Ferengi Wesley did that.
tomk: I am not surprised.
jimmy: I won’t miss that awkward grey jumpsuit with the weird flares on the back.
tomk: Would you want the ugly sweaters back?
tomk: At least you have some good Starfleet fashion sense.
jimmy: Unlike most people in the future whose clothing was inspired by pirates.
tomk: Or colorblind aerobics instructors.
jimmy: Haha, yes
tomk: Hence the deep hurting.
tom: But as excuses to keep Wil Wheaton on the show go, Picard promoting him suddenly and possibly without authorization is not the worst way to go.
jimmy: I wonder was he making rumblings by that point about being unhappy?
tomk: Well, maybe, maybe not. He does leave halfway through season four. I know that much. And he’d still make the occasional guest appearance, even in one movie where most of his dialogue hit the cutting room floor.
jimmy: Patrick Stewart was probably calling him at all hours quoting Shakespeare.
tomk: That sounds like a good way to fall asleep as night, as the gentle timber of Sir Patrick’s voice recites a love sonnet to you as you drift off to slumberland….
jimmy: Damn. I need that.
tomk: We can afford to have Watson do it for you.
jimmy: I’ll never sleep again.
tomk: Well, on that cheerful note, do you have anything else to add here, Jimmy?
jimmy: Riker and Troi need to decide if they’re together or not.
tomk: Riker plays the field with whatever available woman is hanging around. It just so happened this time, the only option was Troi.
jimmy: Not the only option…
tomk: No. She was the only option. Lwaxana Troi is never an option.
tomk: Riker likes the thrill of the hunt. You don’t get that when the target of your affections throws up a white flag as soon as she sees you.
jimmy: Shall we see who Riker’s hunting next time?
tomk: Riker? Well, possibly no one since next is a Dr. Crusher episode.
jimmy: Riker avoids the single moms.
tomk Some of them might be looking for child support.
jimmy: This is going to go nowhere good. Let’s see what Beverly is up to.
tomk: Good idea. We wouldn’t want to reimagine the characters from this show as evil.
Sweet Home “Episode Five”
Noteworthy Issues: The Amazing Spider-Man #62 (July, 1968)
The X-Files “Home”