Weekend Trek “Menage A Troi”

The Ferengi were not the master villains that Star Trek the Next Generation was hoping they would be. Lwaxana Troi often feels like she stepped out of a different show to annoy people. Why not do an episode with a Ferengi pursuing Lwaxana Troi?

That happened, and Jimmy and Tom have some thoughts on that.

“Menage a Troi”

A Ferengi takes an unwanted interested in Lwaxana Troi!

jimmy: Or, “How Wesley Got His Groove Back”.

tomk: Or “ Riker beat Neelix at Chess”.

jimmy: Neelix was the Doctor.

tomk: Riker dresses like a pirate on vacation.

jimmy: Troi’s outfit was worse.

tomk: The first one, the one the Ferengi gave her, or her usual attire?

jimmy: The mini-skirt thing.

Sorry, I should have specified which Troi.

tomk: Her terrible attire tends to blur together in my mind.

jimmy: And 2 minutes after Deanna storms out after telling her mother that her and Riker are just friends…they are walking around Betazed holding hands and then kissing.

tomk: Half the plant life on Betazed gives off airborne aphrodisiacs.

jimmy: And jingle.

tomk: It’s why they bang so many gongs at dinners.

jimmy: To drown out the screams of the radishes?

tomk: You live in a very dark mental plane, Jimmy.

jimmy:

tomk: Alright, we have officially seen the surface of Betazed, where just about anybody can crash your picnic.

jimmy: It looked…pretty much like Earth. If you don’t get too close to the plant life.

tomk: Yeah, well, the natives look pretty human too.

jimmy: Except one.

tomk: Mr. Homm? He sure is useful.

jimmy: He’s a fast berry picker, I’ll give him that.

tomk: Not very useful when a Ferengi shows up to kidnap your employer.

jimmy: By that criteria, neither was Riker.

tomk: He at least outsmarted the other guy long enough to get out of his cell.

jimmy: And then took him out off-screen.

tomk: Riker is a giant to those people. Do you really need to see it?

jimmy: Someone beating on a Ferengi? Yes please.

tomk: Maybe that’s the next episode: 40 minuets of Riker beating a Ferengi.

jimmy: I’d watch that. Better than whatever amount of time we had to sit through watching Oo-mox.

tomk: Better than watching Picard quote random lines of Shakespeare to save Lwaxana Troi?

jimmy: I felt like Patrick Stewart ate that up, but it was a bit awkward for…well…everyone else.

tomk: That may have been the point.

jimmy: True.

tomk: Picard couldn’t just leave Lwaxana behind…though the frustrated lover part was clearly her way of tormenting him.

jimmy: Nah. She’d never do that!

tomk: You could be right if this were the Mirror Universe.

jimmy: And I don’t have a goatee so I must not be.

tomk: Or you could be if this is Bizarro Jimmy…

jimmy: Me not.

tomk: Well, I’m convinced. Unlike Lwaxana Troi when given an offer from a Ferengi.

jimmy: Can you blame her?

tomk: The only man she won’t give a second look to apparently.

jimmy: I can understand Ferengi not being her type. Especially when they are viewed as untrustworthy scoundrels.

tomk: And impossible to mind read. I am sure Data has a vaguely racist-sounding explanation for that.

jimmy: And usually the mind readers find the minds they can’t read intriguing. But, not here.

tomk: Ferengi don’t exactly hide what they’re feeling or thinking very well.

jimmy: And they’re not very good at space chess.

tomk: Odd since even in the days Kirk and Spock played 4-D chess, it never looked like it even had rules.

jimmy: And what they did show didn’t seem to make sense.

But better than that wiggle your fingers game.

tomk: Or most Klingon games. Those usually involve deep hurting.

jimmy: Should I know what that image is?

tomk: If you don’t know Mystery Science Theater 3000 in one of its earliest forms, I am not sure I can help you.

jimmy: I’ve never watched it.

tomk: I am sure an out-of-context clip with no explanations will only increase your confusion and cultural isolation.

jimmy: I…see…

tomk: See? It did increase your confusion and possibly your cultural isolation.

jimmy: At least I wasn’t beamed out of my clothes.

tomk: Ferengi respect men enough to let them keep their pants…though Ferengi and Betazeds/humans are very different biologically. I did appreciate that the sidekick Ferengi who can’t play chess points out that, for them, these women are not physically attractive.

jimmy: Except to the Damon.

tomk: He was more interested in her telepathy than her body. For profit.

jimmy: That was his plan for sure, but he seemed pretty enamored with her.

tomk: Maybe he’s got some kind of humanoid kink that most Ferengi don’t understand.

jimmy: Looked that way.

tomk: Ferengi also probably don’t know it’s wrong to kink shame.

jimmy: All they know is profit.

tomk: They don’t know Jimmy Impossible then. He’s a prophet.

Like Ben Sisko.

Or people Ben Sisko sort of knows inside the wormhole.

Say, do you have plans to move into the Bajoran wormhole any time soon?

jimmy: Soon? No.

tomk: Good. TV reception there is rough. Might be difficult to rewatch anything.

jimmy: I’ll just listen to the music in the static.

tomk: I’ve heard of worse plans. Like kidnapping Lwaxana Troi. That’s a real “Ransom of Red Chief” sort of scenario.

jimmy: I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing it’s bad.

tomk: “Ransom of Red Chief” is a humorous short story by American writer O’Henry. The plot is two low level criminals kidnap a little boy who pretends to be a Native American named Red Chief. When they send the parents a ransom note, the parents send one back telling the kidnappers how much the crooks need to pay to give the kid back. Turns out the boy is a major troublemaker and the criminals end up paying the parents a ransom to give the boy back.

jimmy: Like if someone kidnapped Watson.

tomk: More or less.

Turns out no one wants to kidnap Watson.

jimmy: And we didn’t need Ryan performing songs from Hamilton to get him back.

tomk: We don’t need Ryan performing songs from anything for any reason.

jimmy: Maybe he has a heavenly singing voice. Like Urkel!

tomk: Or he has one Watson will reference forever. Like Vin Diesel!

jimmy: I’ve never listened to that single. Am I missing out?

tomk: I don’t know. I’ve never listened to it either.

jimmy: Let’s not start now then. So, how about that Wesley getting a promotion and a new hat?

tomk: Apparently, Picard can just do that?

jimmy: Apparently. Maybe he discussed with Starfleet on his call to explain why Wesley never bothered to show up for his exams.

tomk: Well, Wesley was involved in an important rescue of a diplomat.

I still wanna know who made Lwaxana Troi a diplomat…

jimmy: Her old school chum it looks like.

tomk: Maybe he wanted to get rid of her.

jimmy: Not an uncommon theme.

tomk: Like how only Wesley would remember the weird music guy?

jimmy: Wesley’s special. And if the guy played the same eight notes over and over for who knows how many hours at the reception, they’d probably get stuck in your head too.

tomk: Wes did know what it was.

So, did Wesley invent the transporter that removes clothing?

jimmy: Ferengi Wesley did that.

tomk: I am not surprised.

jimmy: I won’t miss that awkward grey jumpsuit with the weird flares on the back.

tomk: Would you want the ugly sweaters back?

jimmy: Nope.

tomk: At least you have some good Starfleet fashion sense.

jimmy: Unlike most people in the future whose clothing was inspired by pirates.

tomk: Or colorblind aerobics instructors.

jimmy: Haha, yes

tomk: Hence the deep hurting.

jimmy:

tom: But as excuses to keep Wil Wheaton on the show go, Picard promoting him suddenly and possibly without authorization is not the worst way to go.

jimmy: I wonder was he making rumblings by that point about being unhappy?

tomk: Well, maybe, maybe not. He does leave halfway through season four. I know that much. And he’d still make the occasional guest appearance, even in one movie where most of his dialogue hit the cutting room floor.

jimmy: Patrick Stewart was probably calling him at all hours quoting Shakespeare.

tomk: That sounds like a good way to fall asleep as night, as the gentle timber of Sir Patrick’s voice recites a love sonnet to you as you drift off to slumberland….

jimmy: Damn. I need that.

tomk: We can afford to have Watson do it for you.

jimmy: I’ll never sleep again.

tomk: Well, on that cheerful note, do you have anything else to add here, Jimmy?

jimmy: Riker and Troi need to decide if they’re together or not.

tomk: Riker plays the field with whatever available woman is hanging around. It just so happened this time, the only option was Troi.

jimmy: Not the only option…

tomk: No. She was the only option. Lwaxana Troi is never an option.

jimmy: Heh.

tomk: Riker likes the thrill of the hunt. You don’t get that when the target of your affections throws up a white flag as soon as she sees you.

jimmy: Shall we see who Riker’s hunting next time?

tomk: Riker? Well, possibly no one since next is a Dr. Crusher episode.