Jimmy and Tom must have hit a good rhythm since they seem to be getting through these a bit faster these days. Could it be the two know they’re close to the end of the road and are anxious to see how it all ends? I dunno. One of them already knows, so it may be a moot point. Regardless, this time around the guys cover the episodes “Dark Heart,” “Wake the Dead,” and the two part season one finale “The Once and Future Thing”.
A piece of self-replicating alien technology lands on Earth, and while most of the League fights it, the Atom has to take it down from the inside!
jimmy: I always suspected the saving of the world would come down to Wonder Woman’s cleavage.
tomk: No comment…aside from the fact I am somehow not surprised that that was your first comment.
jimmy: I know how to give the fans what they want.
tomk: Which fans.
jimmy: Umm…well…uh…how about The Atom!?! Am I right!?!
tomk: Ah yes. The Atom, voiced by actor John C. McGinley. Seen here in what is probably his best known role:
jimmy: I’ve seen Scrubs. Great casting though. He sounded exactly like I would have thought Ray Palmer would sound.
tomk: Yes, you may have seen Scrubs, but those fans you mentioned might like to be reminded.
At any rate, this is what kind of threat requires everybody.
jimmy: It’s a convenient trope that if you kill the “heart”, all the “offspring” immediately die.
tomk: It worked for the Avengers!
Then again, you’re not the slightest bit concerned that Ray Palmer went down into a giant alien murder machine at the size of a molecule and somehow still found the right heart in mere minutes.
jimmy: Should I be concerned?
tomk: Well, General Eiling took the remains with him, and he seemed like a trustworthy fellow.
jimmy: He’s not wrong to call the Justice League out on having a WMD floating above the Earth. Trustworthy or not.
tomk: Don’t you trust Superman?
jimmy: I knew you were going to say that. And apparently, a lot of folks haven’t forgiven him for the ending of his own series.
tomk: What a bunch of ingrates!
jimmy: I haven’t forgiven Watson for taking over the 2nd biggest office on the 3rd floor, so I understand.
tomk: But you got the biggest office on the 5th floor with access to the helipad.
jimmy: Heli-yeah I did!
tomk: Watson still needs to ask Jenny for the key to the restroom.
jimmy: The trench seemed like a silly deterrent anyway. Maybe it slows their advance, but all they need to do is go to the bottom and come back up the other side. How about this for your super weapon…aim it at the alien ship. The Atom stopped them by squeezing an artery, I’m sure completely vaporizing them would have worked.
tomk: J’onn said a direct hit would scatter them and if the heart was fine, a single bot would start the whole thing all over again.
Don’t you trust the Martian Manhunter?
jimmy: I can see that…but c’mon…you think that beam, that could dig that trench at that width and depth with pinpoint accuracy couldn’t hit that ship…that wasn’t moving mind you…and completely obliterate it?
tomk: Um, yes?
jimmy: Your honor, I rest my case.
jimmy: See, he feels the same way.
tomk: Let me appeal to the higher court. Does Jimmy’s questioning invalidate an in-story explanation?
Maybe we should move onto the next topic.
tomk: Like how you wanna be a motorcycle-riding cowboy?
jimmy: Who doesn’t? Yee-haw!!!
tomk: You must have been thrilled to learn Batman can freeze a river.
jimmy: He’s Batman.
tomk: Firefly was really pushing it that day.
jimmy: My first thought was Mr Freeze, but that’s pretty much the opposite of what he’d need that for.
tomk: Unless Freeze went swimming and Batman saw a way to capture him easily.
jimmy: Now, Tom, that’s just silly.
tomk: Freezing the Gotham River was how Bruce captured Freeze in Freeze’s last appearance before Batman Beyond.
jimmy: Like I said, now Tom, that’s just brilliant.
tomk: Well, that doesn’t sound right. Am I right that Jimmy said something else before, Judges?
jimmy: At least they tried to explain why he happened to have it on board instead of just a random Shark Repellent or something.
tomk: I would think any mission over the ocean would require some shark repellent.
jimmy: That’s why you always have yours.
tomk: You’d be surprised how often it comes in handy.
jimmy: I haven’t seen you killed by a shark yet!
tomk: And I keep pictures of Spider-Man in case I run into General Eiling.
jimmy: Yeah, he gets pretty steamed about Spider-Man for some unknown reason.
tomk: Spidey has an even bigger WMD on the moon.
jimmy: That webbeaded menace!
tomk: In the DC Universe, he really is a menace.
jimmy: Batman seems to like him.
tomk: Batman doesn’t see him sneaking up behind him maybe.
tomk: What? Are you telling me Batman has contingency plans for Spider-Sense?
jimmy: He is Batman.
tomk: Yes, but you love Spider-Man, and Batman doesn’t believe in hyphens.
jimmy: That’s ok, this was a low hyphen needed situation.
tomk: Well, you seem pleased with yourself now and your punctuation knowledge.
Should we ask what you thought of Ellis’s script?
jimmy: It was good. Obviously we picked on a few things, but Ellis is a great writer.
tomk: It does sound like his work. The Atom’s line about the old man and his long theory on what the alien menace was before he even saw it. Batman’s terse lines as he fell from the destroyed Batwing since he can’t fly. At all. J’onn’s explanation for what the giant ray gun from space was.
jimmy: The Batman line, and Conroy’s delivery, was perfect.
tomk: Also, general distrust of authority figures.
jimmy: Is that a usual Ellis theme?
tomk: Oh yeah. Stuff like The Authority or Transmetropolitan frequently show the protagonists thumbing their noses at the people in charge.
jimmy: I haven’t read either. Don’t tell Jenny!
tomk: Jenny? No. I’ll tell Watson, Ryan, all the Gregs, Jonathan, the Moose, Patrick Stewart (who wrote an introduction to one Transmet trade), Billy, Bobby, Buttercup, Batman, and Cousin Minka. But not Jenny.
tomk: Well, the Atom saved the day and all is well…for now.
jimmy: Only thing left to do is start filling in that trench.
tomk: With what?
jimmy: Popcorn kernels?
tomk: Works for me.
Those things just get stuck in my teeth anyway.
jimmy: I’m sure they’ll tell us in the next episode.
tomk: Would you like to see?
jimmy: If you are.
tomk: Then let’s go!
“Wake the Dead”
Solomon Grundy returns from the dead, and this time, he seems unstoppable!
jimmy: A mercy killing…that’s pretty deep for a Saturday morning cartoon show.
tomk: Especially since the show aired Saturday evenings.
jimmy: That makes more sense.
tomk: Of course. Now have a cookie that totally wasn’t resurrected with chaos magic.
jimmy: So, no calories?
tomk: I dunno. Probably.
jimmy: Maybe I’ll put it in this other dimension until I’m ready for it.
tomk: Good idea.
jimmy: I guess we should talk about the elephant in the room…
Hawkgirl’s beating Batman at chess.
tomk: Wait, there was an elephant in that room?
Must have been behind Amazo.
jimmy: You mean the Android that was twice “defeated” before only because he decided to stop, but ran away from Grundy?
tomk: Hey, it was another Defenders tribute episode and they needed a Silver Surfer.
And you wanted to know what Amazo couldn’t stop.
jimmy: The dead.
tomk: Or, just chaos magic, the kind a Lord of Order like Dr. Fate couldn’t do anything about either.
jimmy: But could be conjured up by 3 witless teenagers.
tomk: Yeah, well, no one heard Grundy stomping through that dorm’s hallways before he crushed that one guy’s skull during the opening credits.
jimmy: Everyone knows you’re light on your feet prior to your first skull crushing.
Speaking of…did Grundy get the other two kids first off screen?
tomk: Possibly. We don’t see them again.
Not even for Fate to scold them for meddling in forces they do not understand.
jimmy: And they weren’t even shocked when they conjured up something that they eventually just termed a light show. Obviously this wasn’t their first time practicing chaos magic…though their robes were rented.
tomk: Eh, they live in a superhero universe. That stuff probably happens all the time.
jimmy: I suppose.
tomk: After what happened with the last time Amazo went outside, why would anything be a shock?
Or maybe they were just idiots.
jimmy: Well, they were conjuring up the undead to stop a rash of wedgies…
tomk: Clearly, they put a lot of thought into fair treatment. Those guys gave the nerds purple nurples, so clearly sending undead hordes after them was fair punishment.
jimmy: Though I think they were just trying to give themselves super strength but instead raised the dead. Which seems to be a common thing with dark magic. Do a spell wrong, raise the dead.
tomk: They might get away with it if they don’t wreck the car.
jimmy: And if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their dog.
tomk: Um…Vixen can channel dogs.
jimmy: So, what is her power? Just take on the property of any animal she feels like? Is she related to Bravestar?
tomk: The totem necklace she wears allows her to channel the abilities of any animal. And she might be related to Bravestar but I don’t think so.
Mostly because VIxen’s powers come from made-up African mysticism and Bravestar’s comes from made-up Native American mysticism.
jimmy: Made up or not, it seemed silly to think that dropping a statue on the guy beating up Superman was going to stop him.
tomk: She’s a high fashion model, not an undead monster specialist.
jimmy: And John’s new squeeze apparently.
tomk: You expected him to stay pining for Shayera for the rest of his life?
jimmy: No, of course not.
tomk: Good. Neither did he.
But man, did Vixen look pissed to see Hawkgirl fly in.
jimmy: Did she ever!
tomk: Vixen should be nicer. From this episode onward, Hawkgirl is included with the opening credits.
jimmy: Of course. Everyone knows that killing one zombie is redemption for betraying the entire human race.
tomk: Superman believes in second chances.
Also, it helps to scoop one kid and her mother to safety.
jimmy: Well, the entire “secret back storyline” seems to be essentially be about people who still don’t trust Superman after what happened.
tomk: Superman of all people believes in second chances.
Though if he was the tie breaker and John abstained, how did the other four vote? Diana certainly voted to kick her out.
Flash seemed inclined to let her stay.
That leaves J’onn and Batman.
jimmy: J’onn in, Bats out.
tomk: Makes sense. I heard the Moose just voted for pancakes for dinner.
jimmy: Now that’s what I want!
tomk: How about bacon pancakes?
jimmy: Does such a thing exist?
jimmy: What’s odd is that after you mentioned them I watched an episode of Frasier and they were raving about someone’s pancakes. They were so good because they crumbled up bacon and put it right in the batter.
tomk: They also used chaos magic.
jimmy: That would make it delicious for sure.
tomk: Or it makes angry rage zombies that can smack everyone around.
jimmy: Pretty random that they resurrected Grundy all the same.
tomk: Eh, Grundy coming back to life is kinda his thing.
jimmy: Oh those wacky zombies.
Though this episode seemed to be more about retuning Hawkgirl to the fold than anything.
tomk: That’s a good reason to have an episode.
I mean, the next one is the two part season finale.
jimmy: One season down already? They do seem to go faster when they’re not muli-episode stories.
tomk: They only do 13 episodes per season.
jimmy: Well, that would explain it too.
tomk: I mean, it might be time to bring the band back together.
jimmy: The Beatles?
tomk: Not The Rolling Stones.
Vikings: Valhalla “Pieces Of The Gods”
Noteworthy Issues: The Amazing Spider-Man #52 (September, 1967)
The X-Files “Ascension”