Some hotels are the sorts of places where you can have a good time and you may not want to leave. Others may not give you that option. Jimmy and Tom take a look at one such hotel with the episode “The Royale”.
An away team is trapped in a very unusual place on an otherwise uninhabitable planet!
jimmy: You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
tomk: An elaborate hotel in a crappy book?
jimmy: An elaborate hotel in a crappy book with cheese.
tomk: Well, only the lactose intolerant hate cheese.
jimmy: I wouldn’t say they necessarily hate it; they just shouldn’t eat it.
tomk: You and your accurate assessments!
jimmy: And we know who is not lactose intolerant and likes cheese…Data.
tomk: Data also likes a good game of craps.
jimmy: Now…maybe that was the fastest way to make money (I’ve never played craps) but there had to be easier games to do so with. That said, once Data unloaded the dice, he could roll any number he wanted at any time. More or less cheating. And given the Chaos Theory made popular by one Dr Ian Malcolm, the odds of Data rolling exactly what he wanted every time given so many variables outside of Data’s throw seems astronomical.
tomk: Well, it’s all in the wrist.
jimmy: And the blowing for luck.
tomk: And looking loose while Worf tries to figure out the elevator.
jimmy: It was a little surprising that Data knew how to work the elevator. Even more surprising that Worf figured out how to use a phone.
tomk: He was very polite on the phone. Though why room service called him, I do not know.
jimmy: Maybe it was part of the book. Like the 300 year old dead astronaut.
tomk: Let that be a lesson to you, James: always pack better books when you go on deep space missions.
jimmy: I’ll keep that in mind. Last time I took The Shinning. That wouldn’t have worked out well.
tomk: At least it wasn’t A Song of Ice and Fire.
jimmy: Riker and Company would have been stranded forever since there is no ending.
tomk: That or Riker and Worf would have been White Walkers while Data enjoys how fully functional he is.
jimmy: This episode did make me wonder about the limits of Troi’s abilities. From orbit she could pinpoint Riker and know exactly what he’s feeling.
tomk: Yeah…and that was useful.
They knew he was still alive and everything.
Possibly enjoying himself too much at times…
jimmy: Are we going to have the “Troi is just a pretty face” convo again?
tomk: No, of course not.
Her clothes also emphasize other attributes.
jimmy: Her calves?
jimmy: And I wonder what States the US added?
tomk: Currently, we could guess D.C. and Puerto Rico.
jimmy: Mickey D being able to leave the hotel held a lot more weight with Riker than it should have. He’s an artificial character from the book; of course he could come and go as he pleased.
tomk: Well, at least someone could check out.
jimmy: And do you think the hotel would let someone win 12.5 (plus) million at craps and then turn around and buy the hotel with it? But I guess, that is the author’s fault.
tomk: The book started with the sentence “It was a dark and stormy night,” which is famous as a bad sentence to start a novel with.
Poor Picard had to read that whole thing…
jimmy: In like 13 minutes.
tomk: It wasn’t a very thick book.
More like a pamphlet, really.
And they couldn’t just ask Data to speed read the paper copy…
jimmy: I guess paperback books still exist in the 24th century, but they must be few and far between.
tomk: Riker recognized one when he saw it. Maybe he saw one in a museum at some point.
jimmy: More likely for him to recognize a book than Worf a phone.
tomk: Look, Klingons are good with antique communication technology while not understanding antique turbolifts. It’s, like, a genetic flaw.
jimmy: Speaking of recognizing stuff, did you ever notice that Data rarely figures out what something is unless prompted to do so? Like, he sits down to the blackjack table and asks if it is poker. It’s not until he’s told it’s blackjack does he search his database for it.
Also, they are horrible blackjack players. If I have a 9 and a 3 and the dealer is showing a facecard, you HAVE to hit.
tomk: That’s nothing. The mathematical formula Picard is wondering about at the beginning of the episode that he says was never solved was solved in the real world a couple months after this episode aired.
jimmy: It was 42.
tomk: Hitchhiker’s references?
tomk: Still, Riker was lucky that book outright sucked. A better book might have been harder to escape.
I mean, it’s easy to escape a bad book. You close it, look at it with disgust, and then toss it across the room like I did with Watson’s memoirs.
jimmy: Just tossed it across the room? I almost burned down Gabbing Geek Towers trying to rid the world of my copy.
tomk: That’s why Ryan says you can’t have any more matches.
jimmy: Look, if God didn’t want me to burn things he wouldn’t make stuff so flammable.
tomk: I’m not sure that’s how it works.
tomk: You really need to listen to better voices in your head. What would Cousin Minka think? Remember: she’s against burning most things.
jimmy: Most, eh?
tomk: She likes her steak well done.
jimmy: Anthony else? O’Brien continues his ascent to regular cast member.
tomk: Anthony Else should stay far away from the Royale.
jimmy: Lol, stupid autocorrect. And I would hope so.
Speaking of starting away from the Royale, I know Picard says to proceed with caution, but did it make much sense for the away team to walk through a revolving door in the middle of nowhere? At least send a probe in first or something.
tomk: They probably could have left earlier if they knew how revolving doors worked.
jimmy: They did try.
tomk: Did they? Did they though?
Asking for a friend.
jimmy: Narrator: They did.
tomk: Well, ok then.
Are we done with this bizarre death trap?
jimmy: I guess so. One question though. Did the creators just leave their “holodeck” running for all time and never come back to check on it? Surely they knew Astronaut MacGuffin would die at some point. And what happens when there is no one around? Do the characters just keep infinitely going about their business?
Ok, more than one question…
tomk: Um, a wizard did it.
jimmy: Makes sense to me.
tomk: You know what makes sense to me? You need a second Picard.
jimmy: You can never have too many.
tomk: Well, perhaps.
Ready to see if it’s as sweet as it sounds?
jimmy: Make it so.