September 30, 2022

Gabbing Geek

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The Umbrella Academy “The Seven Stages”

Season Two, Episode Eight.

The actor who played Pogo in motion capture for season one actually got to be in this episode, showing his face and speaking for the first time.  He’s got a charming role as a fairly helpful guy from the Commission.  And that is all I am going to say about that.

Because, see, we finally learn what causes the apocalypse in 1963, and once again, it’s Vanya’s fault…sort of.

Vanya was arrested, and her amnesia story isn’t holding with the FBI.  She has no ID and a Russian first name.  And, under interrogation, she slips into Russian.  As such, she’s drugged, hooked up to an electro-shock machine, given even more drugs, and interrogated under suspicion of being a Russian spy.  Diego, dragged to work for the Commission by Lila, slipped out on orientation day to find out what caused the apocalypse, and it was Vanya exploding in the FBI building.  That caused JFK to flee rather than get shot, someone blamed the Russians, and before you knew it, people were dropping nukes.

Nukes never make anything better.

So, anyway, Diego has a plan to stop Vanya one way or the other…again.  And thanks to his new (somewhat short) buddy in the Commission, he can go back to Allison and Ray’s place, where Klaus and Ben happened to be anyway, to help dispose of a dead Swede and maybe stop Vanya.  It’s a wonder Ray is still with Allison at this point, truth be told.  She has too many weird brothers.  Then again, the highlight for this episode may have been Klaus’s arrival where he sees he needs to help dispose of a body again like it ain’t no thang.

Wait, that wasn’t the real highlight of the episode.  The real highlight is whatever Five does this time around.  See, there is one more way to get the family out of 1963.  His (physically) older self is in town to make sure JFK dies.  That self will have a time machine briefcase, and all (the younger-looking) Five and Luther have to do is steal it.  There’s just one little problem there:  being in close proximity to yourself causes some symptoms, seven to be precise.  Most are annoying, like itchiness, excessive sweat, and flatulence.  The last one is murderous rage, and both Fives are accomplished assassins.  So…yeah.

Luther at least offers to talk to the (older looking) Five first to act as a buffer.  That was actually rather smart.  But then Kid Five and Old Five sit down to negotiate and, well, those symptoms start to come up.  Granted, Luther does tell Old Five who caused the apocalypse (again, poor Vanya) to save the older looking version some time and trouble later.  But the Old Man Five doesn’t believe Kid Five is an older him because, you know, paranoia and murderous rage.

So, this isn’t going well.

Also, Vanya’s torture caused her to remember what an awful father Sir Reginald was, and she’s getting ready to explode again.

Vanya, can you just not cause the apocalypse?

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