March 24, 2023

Gabbing Geek

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The Umbrella Academy “Changes”

Season One, Episode Nine.

So, let’s play a little game called “What Would You Do If…?”.

It’ll be fun.  Or not.

What would you do if your adopted daughter wouldn’t eat her oatmeal?

If you are Sir Reginald, you’d keep getting new nannies to try and feed her.  If they keep dying because Vanya can’t or won’t control her powers, build Grace.  That way, when Vanya inevitably tosses Grace across the room, the resulting body trauma will not kill the nanny but will traumatize Vanya in…other ways.

What would you do if you found your sister possibly bleeding to death from a slit throat?

If you are the boys of the Academy, take her home for emergency medical treatment from Grace and Pogo.  If she needs a blood transfusion, best pick the right brother for it.  Luther’s blood is….not human.  Klaus’ is poisonous.  Diego’s is fine.  He just passes out at the sight of needles.

What would you do if you couldn’t speak anymore after a throat cut didn’t quite kill anything but your vocal cords?

Start writing notes.  And when Luther doesn’t believe or understand Vanya has powers, Pogo can tell them the last family secret.

What would you do if your brother punched you?

If you’re Klaus, be surprised.  It means Ben got physical enough to prevent you from popping more pills.  Your powers may be stronger than you think.  Also, if you’re Ben, you can be equally surprised you actually hit someone.

What would you do if you found out your boyfriend had your father’s journal and knew your secrets?

Well, if you’re Vanya, you won’t be happy about it.  And the resulting fight might lead to Leonard dead from multiple stab wounds.  Considering Vanya is still upset about hurting Allison, that probably isn’t helping her very much.  Then again, nothing the others do will be helping very much this episode, so she should be used to that.

What would you do if you discovered your target dead?

With Leonard dead, and the fake eye Number Five carries around an exact match, Five and Diego both assume the apocalypse is no more.  Klaus isn’t so sure.  Five has no idea what to do with himself.  Hazel stops by offering to help.  That only goes so far when Diego attacks the wrong hitman.  Five knocks his emotionally stunted brother out, and Hazel even leaves the murder weapons for Eudora Patch’s homicide behind to clear Diego.  Still, it does appear the Umbrella Academy members are going their separate ways now.

Well, maybe not Luther.  He has nowhere else to go.

What would you do if your freaked out sister came in to check on your injured sister?

And here’s where things go really wrong.  Luther finds Vanya upset and crying in the foyer.  So, he offers her a hug.  And he doesn’t stop hugging until she’s unconscious.

That leads to other problems.  What do the siblings want to do with Vanya?  Luther wants her locked up in a power-dampening room forever.  Diego wants her in there until they at least know what she can do.  Klaus weakly suggests letting her out since she could simply be learning how to control new powers (like he is).  And Allison says to let her go.  The problem is Luther, as the biggest and strongest sibling, won’t let anyone let Vanya out.  Diego theoretically could, but he’s closer to Luther’s side than Allison’s.  Five isn’t around to vote.

As the other leaves, Vanya, still freaked out, has her powers really go into overdrive as her eyes change color.

You know, I suspect the apocalypse is still on.

That must be why the Handler came back to get Hazel and Cha-Cha before they kill each other.

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