Doom Patrol “Hair Patrol”

You know, the opening credits have listed Timothy Dalton as a “special appearance” since the series started.

They might as well have him do something.

Yes, it’s time to learn about the Chief’s backstory.  He’s older than he looks.  Granted, they all are, but he is more than the others.  Back in 1913, the Chief was working for the Bureau of Normalcy looking into some hidden thing.  It turned out to be a Neanderthal-type woman.  After being separated from his partner, he fell in with the woman who could summon a giant, antlered wolfman.  Her name is Slava.  They fall in love.

Now, the series has had numerous characters outright say the Chief had secrets.  Have our heroes learned what they are yet?  Nope.  That’s where the Beard Hunter comes in.

Who is the Beard Hunter?  Well, he’s an overweight loser who lives in his mom’s basement.  To be clear, he isn’t a loser because he’s overweight.  I don’t fat-shame.  No, he’d be a loser regardless of his weight.  He’s a well-armed dude that the modern day Bureau of Normalcy hires to find the Chief.

See, the Beard Hunter has a certain power that allows him to know things about his target.  So, he infiltrates the manor, finds the bathroom sink, fishes out a clog of hair, and eats it.

Ew.

Yes, it was that foul.

Apparently, the Beard Hunter can consume a hair from a man’s beard and know all about that man.  But I gotta say, that hair looked pretty long.  How do we know it wasn’t Jane’s or Rita’s?  About the only one it couldn’t belong to is Clint.

Anyway, while Clint is walking through Jane’s mind and Larry is unconscious, that leaves Rita and Vic to deal with the Beard Hunter.  And they capture him.

Of course, he did eat that hair from the Chief’s chin.  He knows Caulder’s secrets and, he says, location.

Plus, he sucks up a stray hair from Vic’s chin.  That allows him to easily dodge all of Vic’s punches.  Also, Vic’s mechanized parts almost blow things up.  Because for some reason, Vic doesn’t control them like he used to.

Fortunately, Rita slipped a tracker onto the Beard Hunter before letting him go.

Now, what does all this have to with 1913?  Well, after living with Slava for a couple years, Caulder’s partner turned up alive and “rescued” him.  And that would be when Caulder learned the Bureau changed from “observe” to “eliminate” the abnormal.  Caulder’s partner never got out of the woods, and Caulder never told the Bureau about the cavewoman just as World War I breaks out.  Mr. Nobody approves of that.

See, he wants something to do with Slava, and Caulder, well, he’d even sacrifice his team to protect that woman.

Meanwhile, the Beard Hunter goes into a government building of some kind to find Caulder.  But Caulder isn’t there.  There’s just a dummy and a giant antlered wolfman.

That’s gonna hurt.