OK, hold on. I waited and waited for Vikings to finish season five, and now it seems to be back, but it also looks like it came back so late it might as well be season six except the History Channel is labeling it season five…except just before the episode starts, we get “last season on Vikings“.
Well, whatever. It’s back now.
And aside from whatever is going on with That Asshole Floki, things seem pretty quiet in what I am guessing is Iceland because even though That Asshole Floki offered to sacrifice himself to the gods to stop the violence, there was a vote and some guys whose names I never learned voted to let him live. Kent Brockman was right. Democracy just doesn’t work.
What else doesn’t work? Monarchy. Ivar has proclaimed himself King of Kattegat which means he takes a whiz on Lagertha’s throne and brings in a goat that he refers to by her name. Goats have creepy eyes. Ivar is kinda creepy. That makes sense. Harald is mourning the brother he killed on the battlefield. Hvitserk is just there. And then in comes Rollo. I love me some Rollo. He’s the most complex character on the show.
Anyhoo, Rollo didn’t just send Frankish warriors to Norway to help out of some family obligation, so he lays down some huge conditions involving trade and mutual defense, and he can even offer some understanding to King Harald over the fact he tried to kill his own brother a couple times. But Ivar being Ivar really wants Lagertha dead. Where did she go?
Well, she went with Heahmund, Bjorn, Ubbe, Torvi, and a few others to a farm to hide out and plan. Heahmund offers to take them to England where he has a in-road with the king he doesn’t know died while he was away. Oops.
And then Rollo shows up because of course he knew where they were hiding. He hid out there with the family once before. And he has an offer of his own: come to Frankia instead. He’s still in love with Lagertha because like Sookie Stackhouse, everyone is in love with Lagertha eventually. Oh, and he says he’s Bjorn’s real father.
Is he? Well, Bjorn is a big man like Rollo, but Bjorn mostly thinks he takes too much after Ragnar regardless of whom his biological father is. Besides, he says Rollo is a traitor. Didn’t Bjorn take Rollo raiding last time we saw him? Did Bjorn just meet Rollo?
There was a nice scene between Heahmund and Rollo at one point. Two guys who both want to take the same woman home but are both cool with each other. That was nice.
Anyway, Lagertha turns Rollo down. That means England. Rollo returns to Ivar and offers up Lagertha’s location for even bigger concessions, and Ivar agrees to all of them because he’s an idiot.
And when Ivar gets to the farm, Lagertha and her allies are long gone, leaving behind only Ubbe’s crazy wife Margrethe. Hvitserk also had a thing for her, and he has no personality of his own, so taking care of the abandoned madwoman does give him something to do.
But potential bad news: Heahmund finds out Alfred is king and the group may be prisoners. That said, Alfred is having problems with a different group of vikings, so methinks they cut a deal with Lagertha despite the fact I don’t think anyone will ever care what happens in Wessex.