May 31, 2023

Gabbing Geek

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American Horror Story “Burn, Witch, Burn!”

Coven. Episode Five.

OK, so, is Fiona an evil witch or not?  Make up your damn mind, American Horror Story!

After an opening scene showing us Delphine LaLaurie treated everyone badly and not just the slaves, we cut back to the present where the undead are gathered outside the Witch House, including Delphine’s three daughters, and they’re just standing there.  Neighbor Luke thinks its all a gag and goes out to take a look.  The zombies continue to stand there until, somewhere far off, Marie Laveau has them attack, killing two teenagers who came to admire the prosthetics and injuring Luke.  What follows is a series of rescues and such.  Nan goes out to save Luke and manages to get him inside a car under attack.  Zoe distracts a bunch by banging some pots together and heading into a shed.  Or a crypt.  Shed-crypt?  And as for the inside of the house, Delphine lets one of her girls in under the assumption that there’s something of her kid still in there.

There isn’t, but I can cut Delphine a little slack for general genre blindness since the zombie story hadn’t been invented when she was buried alive and immortal.

Queenie does try to help, but it turns out being a “human voodoo doll” doesn’t mean anything if the target can’t feel pain.  Fortunately, Delphine can stab her undead daughter through the heart and remove that one from the battlefield.

And then Zoe, after covering Nan and Luke with a chainsaw, manages to stop a zombie with some kind of spell that knocks Laveau out of her magic trance.  No more zombies.  Delphine and Fiona can burn the corpses in the backyard the next day.

But remember, I don’t know if Fiona is a good witch or not.  After rushing Cordelia to the hospital, arguing with Hank, and then wandering around in a daze, she finds a woman with a stillborn baby, and Fiona, well, revives the kid.  That’s a good witch’s actions.

Then, later, when Myrtle and the other members of the council show up to see why Fiona left the house alone during an attack, Fiona frames Myrtle for the acid attack on Cordelia.  Queenie helps by sticking her own hand into acid and making it look like Myrtle also attacked Fiona.  Myrtle is sentenced to burn.


Yes, they burn her at the stake.  Fiona tosses the lit cigarette onto the pile herself.

Queenie does feel guilty, but Fiona suggests maybe Queenie is the new Supreme, and that shuts Queenie up.

She might want to be careful.  The last young witch Fiona pegged as the new Supreme is rotting badly in Spalding’s room.

Besides, there are other problems.  Cordelia seemed to get a vision of Hank cheating on her because the guy who cheats on his wife the witch is clearly going to be around for a while on a show like this.

Oh, and Misty just showed up and revived Myrtle.

No one stays dead anymore…

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