We’re back for more DCAU talk! This time around, Jimmy and Tom cover the Batman Beyond episodes “Terry’s Friend Dates a Robot,” “Eyewitness,” and “Final Cut”.
“Terry’s Friend Dates a Robot”
So, Terry has a friend dating a robot…
jimmy: Steve Buscemi really shouldn’t be selling synthoids to teenagers.
tomk: You noticed too.
jimmy: It was hard to miss.
tomk: He didn’t just sell to teenagers. Lonely adult men also bought the droids they were looking for from him.
jimmy: A lucrative business to be sure.
tomk: Better to buy from him than from Michael Madison. He charges in ears.
So…let me guess…Terry’s “friend”, who we never saw before…will never be seen again?
tomk: Actually, no. He pops up here and there.
jimmy: Only so many designs for the school kids I guess. Though we had a few different ones this go round.
tomk: You have not seen the last of Howard I-Am-Groot.
tomk: First he has to deal with almost destroying the family home.
jimmy: Yeah, Dad was not happy.
tomk: Maxing out the credit card first wasn’t a good start.
jimmy: Parents just don’t understand.
tomk: He’s only 17. He doesn’t have a rep yet.
jimmy: Heh. Nice.
tomk: Now, a criminal record on the other hand…
jimmy: Well, it wasn’t his fault that his crazy hot robot girlfriend was actually, well, crazy.
tomk: And hot enough to start a fire.
jimmy: I dated a girl like that once. Crazy and hot enough to start a fire. Also, crazy.
tomk: Funny how often those things go together: fire-starting and insanity.
jimmy: Ask Drew Barrymore.
tomk: You dated Drew Barrymore?
jimmy: I wish…?
tomk: Did Howard Groote date Drew Barrymore?
jimmy: He definitely wishes.
tomk: He might prefer more of a Cameron Diaz type.
jimmy: Well, his “ideal” girl that he had made was a red head with green eyes…who he ignored in two seconds after the blue eyed blonde paid attention to him. Her being a living creature might have helped.
tomk: Yeah, well, didn’t Paul Dini write this one?
jimmy: Story credit.
tomk: Thought so. If the gender politics involved is confusing, it’s probably a Paul Dini story.
jimmy: Looks like there’s not a lot to say about A Boy And His Fembot.
tomk: I dunno. We did learn you shouldn’t suggest being friends with a robot.
That’s never a good idea.
jimmy: I’m sure some robots are very nice.
jimmy: Yeah. Don’t invite him for brunch.
At least Terry didn’t stick Max in a locker someone actually uses.
jimmy: I thought that last guy was going to open the locker and find her.
tomk: That would have been too awkward.
At least she wasn’t stuck there for the rest of the episode.
jimmy: Changing subject…Terry pretty impressively didn’t die after taking a dive off the top of a building with no Batsuit on.
tomk: You should try it sometime. Just make sure there’s something solid to break your fall on.
jimmy: I know it is a superhero cartoon, but it seemed a little far fetched. But I guess if the real Batman did it, I probably wouldn’t have thought much about it.
tomk: I love how you still say “real Batman”.
jimmy: Well…he is.
tomk: Terry is the real Batman?
jimmy: Now, you know perfectly well what I meant.
tomk: You think Watson is God’s gift to women?
I’m not sure what that has to do with Batman.
jimmy: If Watson is God’s gift, I hope he kept the receipt.
tomk: We didn’t say what God.
How about Vulcan, the god of the forge, who built robots? Probably.
jimmy: I still want to return Watson to sender.
tomk: Well, at least your high school peers aren’t cheering on as your burn down your own house.
jimmy: They were a bunch of posers anyway.
tomk: He should have just invited his real friends, like Terry and Dana and…Max? Matt McGinnis? Willy Watt? The principal?
jimmy: That’s probably the list after this episode and things return to normal.
tomk: Yes, but who will Bruce buy his battlebots from now?
tomk: Lucious is still alive?
Were you at least pleased to see Terry fighting Bruce’s old enemies for a few seconds there?
jimmy: Yes. I meant to mention that. Except for that redesigned Riddler. *shudder*
tomk: Terry decapitated the wrong one!
jimmy: For sure! It was cool to see some of the classic villains though as most of Terry’s don’t have much staying power.
tomk: Have you forgotten about Shriek already?
tomk: I think I get the point. Anything else to add on a silly commentary for a very silly episode?
jimmy: Don’t flirt with other girls in front of your killer sex robot.
tomk: No one will question the presence of a girl with no last name or class schedule who just happens to show up one day at your school.
jimmy: That happens all the time.
tomk: I think we’re done here. Some nameless redhead just walked in claiming to be Watson’s girlfriend. I’ll see what she wants.
Someone saw Batman commit a horrible crime! And it’s Barbara Gordon!
jimmy: Well, now that was a great episode.
tomk: You aren’t just saying that because Bruce solved the mystery, are you?
jimmy: I was thinking about that, and it’s probably not a coincidence that I enjoyed an episode with a heavy does of Bruce in it.
tomk: You have in the past expressed a preference for episodes that dig more into Bruce than Terry.
jimmy: Really? That doesn’t sound like me.
tomk: Well, we did learn Terry did three months in juvie.
Autocorrect wanted to say three months in Julie, which is very different.
There have been several mentions now of Terry having a record…is what happened ever explained?
tomk: I believe so.
Bruce knows about it and doesn’t care. Barbara does which is probably why she fell for this trick.
jimmy: It was a bit shocking to see Terry smash your favorite Mad Stan to death with a keg of Budweiser, but I immediately knew there was something more going on. Barbara never gave him the benefit of doubt at all.
tomk: Mad Stan was dumb enough to say his vest protected him. And he was really happy to end jury duty. How can you not like that guy?
jimmy: I don’t dislike him, but you :heart: him. 🙂
tomk: His ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.
tomk: But he’s a nice, disposable villain for this episode.
jimmy: He reminds me of someone who I think was a Punisher parody but I can’t put my finger on it.
Maybe Bigshot from The Tick.
tomk: Or Henry Rollins in real life?
jimmy: Ha, or that. 🙂
tomk: But he blows up stuff good…and got more lines than the real villain.
jimmy: I think he had…one?
tomk: That sounds about right. But this episode reminded me of a different Batman episode where the villain didn’t have any.
jimmy: Was it The Scarecrow?
tomk: Yeah. “Over the Edge” when it looked like Barbara died in her Batgirl costume and her father went gunning for Bruce. Scarecrow is responsible but has no lines.
jimmy: Yeah. Very similar concept. Spellbinder is really Scarecrow 2099.
tomk: More or less. Both are corrupt psychiatrists who play with people’s senses.
jimmy: While I knew “something” was going on, did you suspect Spellbinder before the end?
tomk: Well, I have seen it before, but probably not that specific villain.
Obviously, Terry didn’t kill Mad Stan. First off, I am not sure anyone can kill Mad Stan if he walks away unscathed from that many explosions on a consistent basis. Second, it’s a kids show. Third, I like numbered lists. Fourth, Terry is a good guy deep down and Batman kills less often than Superman.
jimmy: Even though Terry didn’t really kill Mad Stan, it’s still a bit surprising at times when someone in one of these kids shows even appears to have been killed. And quite brutally at that.
tomk: All those explosions weren’t brutal enough for ya?
jimmy: Yeah. Stan is not exactly kid friendly.
tomk: He has a political point of view too. Granted, he’s still crazy loud. He’s Wile E Coyote on steroids.
jimmy: With mad bombs what bombs at midnight.
tomk: And noon. And sunrise. And teatime. And during the seventh inning stretch.
jimmy: Heh. Yeah, he’s not picky. And was pretty excited there at the end when he had finally reached his goal…albeit virtually…
tomk: He is going to be so disappointed when they unplug him.
jimmy: Should they?
tomk: He’s a wanted criminal.
jimmy: Have you read Avengers: Standoff?
tomk: Yes. No? Maybe. That’s the one where SHIELD cosmic cubed criminals into law-abiding citizens?
jimmy: Yeah. That one.
tomk: And how did that one go again?
jimmy: Well…not well…but it makes me think they might want to leave Stan plugged in there and out of harms way.
tomk: If they let him out, he might only want to blow up Spellbinder.
jimmy: We both know that’s not true.
tomk: Well, at first. Mad Stan, we’re later told, only goes on rampages after some local bureaucracy gets to him. If so, he may have actually gotten jury duty this time to set him off.
jimmy: No one likes jury duty.
tomk: Most people don’t try to blow up the DA and the police commissioner to stop it.
tomk: But speaking of police commissioners, this was clearly more a Barbara episode than a Terry episode.
jimmy: Yes. Very old school with the focus on Babs and Bruce. And allusions to Alfred.
tomk: Alfred made scones.
jimmy: Or tea cakes.
tomk: Those too.
However, the police chase had a different feel from when it was Jim Gordon, and not just because it was a dream. Jim was smart, but Barbara knew all of Bruce’s tricks and was able to more easily track Terry.
jimmy: And beat him to the secret escape hatch.
tomk: I hate it when the cops beat me to my secret escape hatch!
jimmy: You’re not as swift as you used to be.
tomk: I was never that swift to begin with.
Then again, I would have turned the stealth on the minute I got to police headquarters.
jimmy: That thing never seems to be on when you need it.
tomk: Does it cause anal cancer if you leave it on for too long or something?
jimmy: I guess we’ll find out in Batman Beyond Beyond.
tomk: Ah yes. When Miguel O’Shaunassey becomes the new Batman of GothoMetropolis.
Well, you really liked this one, Jimmy. Did you have anything else to add?
jimmy: Not that I can think of. I did enjoy this one. You?
tomk: I feel we covered everything we needed to. Barbara was willing to ruin her and her husband’s career to bring down a killer Batman who didn’t kill anyone.
jimmy: It’s a line any Bat-folk are not allowed to cross. Unless you’re Jason Todd.
tomk: Or maybe Damien Wayne.
jimmy: But those are discussions for another day.
But say, Damien was raised by Ra’s al-Ghul’s League of Assassins. The show has a different group with that name, and we’ve seen one of them before. Maybe we should check in with them.
jimmy: Maybe we should, Tom. Maybe we should.
Curare returns! And she’s not quite done cutting her way to vengeance just yet!
jimmy: Melissa Disney phones it in again.
tomk: You wish you had a job that easy.
jimmy: Some days. That name sounds made up anyway. It’s probably just Paul Dini or somebody.
tomk: Except she also plays Blade.
Man, what if Blade and Curare were sisters? Curare might not take kindly to Willy Watt and his stalker ways!
tomk: Now it’s even more interesting. Willy Watt is stalking Wesley Snipes!
But really, you were so pleased to get all that Bruce last time, and here’s one where he doesn’t appear at all.
jimmy: At his age, he needs an episode off to recoup. And I love how Max was like “let me guess, Bruce Wayne” and Terry is like “I guess it wasn’t that difficult to figure out”.
tomk: Man, how do more people not know Terry is Batman at this point?
jimmy: I think it’s the glasses. Fools them every time.
tomk: Those are the eyewear of Jean-Paul Sauvage, Superman Beyond.
jimmy: …that begs the question…does Superman show up at any point?
Wait for it.
So impatient are you.
jimmy: Sorry. I just never really thought about it until your last comment.
tomk: That’s fine. Just wait in dread for Watson Beyond.
jimmy: Watson Current is bad enough.
tomk: But what about…Tim Curry Beyond?
jimmy: Everyone loves Tim Curry. And he’s very quotable!
tomk: Like here where he said…uh…
tomk: But man, they sure found a way to make Curare’s kills kid friendly by simply upping the existential horror of the situation.
jimmy: Well, they’re not quite dead.
tomk: They didn’t bleed despite the fact her main weapon is a super sharp sword, too.
jimmy: And goo.
tomk: Goo is dangerous when it’s first released. After that, it’s apparently harmless.
jimmy: It only has a short brain draining half life.
tomk: That’s your explanation for all goo.
jimmy: There’s only so much that goo can do.
tomk: Yeah. It can completely wipe some dude’s entire mind in seconds.
jimmy: Besides being more kid friendly(?), why wipe their minds instead of killing them?
tomk: I think you answered your own question. For a top assassin, Curare sure has a low body count.
jimmy: And I know that she eventually relented when she got a good look at her, but I find it funny that Max was able to survive against this trained assassin for any time at all? It’s like the Clock King being trouble for Batman.
tomk: Except the Clock King actually had some training. That’s some Three Stooges level stupidity to not get Max right away.
jimmy: Exactly. You see that stuff all the time though. She beats these other highly trained killers but tries to kill the civilian and…whoops, tripped over this ottoman.
tomk: It’s the Dick Van Dyke Show school of self-defense.
But hey, what better place to hide a bomb than inside another bomb at the…Gotham City Museum Of Armaments?!?
Apparently, that’s a thing.
jimmy: Like a Russian nesting doll.
tomk: That was one easily disarmed bomb. Just yank it out and no boom.
jimmy: Maybe Max is not as bright as we’ve been lead to believe.
tomk: Or the League of Assassins is dumber.
jimmy: Or both.
tomk: Both seems likely.
Well, I for one miss Bruce. Do you have anything else to add, Jimmy?
jimmy: I guess not. You?
tomk: I’m good. Shall we move on?
jimmy: We shall.
NEXT TIME: Tom and Jimmy will be back for more with a discussion of the Batman Beyond episodes “The Last Resort,” Armory,” and “Sneak Peak”.