December 7, 2023

Gabbing Geek

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Vikings “A Simple Story”

Season Five, Episode Nine.

Ok, so, this episode ends with three different people kneeling:  Floki, Alfred, and Heahmund, all for different reasons.

I have another question:  how does time work on this show?

See, a lot seems to happen this episode, with little explanation for how long it takes to happen.  Hvitserk remembers Rollo promised he’d help out his nephew if he asked.  Ivar tells Hvitserk to go to the land of the Franks and ask Rollo for help.  Next thing you know, there’re a bunch of Frank warriors strolling through Harald’s town.  Is Rollo there?  We’re told he couldn’t come.  He’s been, you know, Taken.  Too many other responsibilities.  All he wants is for Bjorn to live.

And then there’s a conference and Bjorn rejects Ivar’s offer, reminding them what Ragnar would have wanted, but Ivar is turning into a real asshole, just like his mentor That Asshole Floki.

So, they will be going to war again.

How long were they waiting?

We see Heahmund recover and he suddenly seems less pious and judgmental because Lagertha is hot.  They have sex.  Because that’s what happens in Kattegat.  Lagertha’s magic genitals make the strict Christian more open-minded.

Oh, and Aethelwulf dies of mysterious circumstances (looks like he’s allergic to bee stings as he gets stung and then his eyes swell shut), so Judith manages to make Alfred the new king over his older brother.

Again, how much time passed?

And there are still problems in Assholia for That Asshole Floki and his colony.

Seriously, people complain characters travel too quickly on Game of Thrones, but who knows how big Westeros is?  I saw Bjorn sail home from Northern Africa in half an episode not that long ago…