Man, that’s a long episode title I don’t want to have to type again.
But it’s Valentine’s Day, and Mr. Burns won’t let his employees off work early to see their loved ones (Smithers notes he doesn’t need time off for that), but he will go for a cost efficient way to avoid problems with a sweetheart’s dance, which does not involve all the workers give Burns human hearts. It does involve Lenny having a date he can finally introduce to Carl, and Homer and Marge sneaking off to Burns’ office for some whoopie that ends with Burns accidentally dropped down his own trap door.
Burns is most upset that it isn’t bottomless as promised.
But it turns out Professor Frink works there too as a part-time freelancer, and he has nobody. Some women would rather irradiate themselves than talk to him, so Homer takes the professor under his wing and there’s some stuff there where even the android Frink built that could only say “yes” still told him “no” until the Professor uses science to make himself irresistible to women, mostly with color contact lenses, platform shoes, and a chip that gives him a manly voice. The chip also works on Homer, Marge, and squirrels.
But the professor’s efforts work too well, and he soon as more women than he can handle while a lot of other men in Springfield are lonely.
While all this is going on, the old folks at the Retirement Castle are given a new drug that causes them to hallucinate their fondest memories of their lost loved ones, mostly dead spouses, though Jasper gets a dog and some other guy gets a hardware store. Grampa sees a Mona that won’t leave him, so he knows it isn’t real, but he doesn’t much care. And we did get a few lines from Glenn Close, so I don’t much mind either, but that subplot is fixed mostly by episode’s end, so I’m not saying any more there.
I won’t say too much more about the main plot either, and Frink uses science to match up all his unwanted girlfriends with the lonely men like Duffman and Lenny…wait, Lenny had a date before…
Frink also got that android for himself.
So, it worked out?