Mental note: don’t let Homer buy milk.
See, that, arguably, is where everything went crazy for this episode. Homer was asked to buy some hormone-free, organic milk from the Kwik-E-Mart, and the quart was priced at $16. That was…a bit steep. Apu then offers Homer an alternative: Buzz “Milk” from the makers of Buzz Cola, and as their ad says, they technically are not legally allowed to call it milk. Homer buys a ton of the stuff anyway, and his kids all get some into their systems.
The results? Bart grows a mustache, Lisa gets acne, and Maggie grows a unibrow with some big muscles to go with it.
So how does this break down for the kids individually?
For Lisa, Marge shows her how to put on make-up to hide the pimples, and that makes her look older and sophisticated, and she gets invited to parties.
For Bart, well, he notices how hot his new teacher is. Ms. Berrara was in the Air Force, has some nice muscles, a tattoo on the back of her neck, and lists the number of hospitals she helped build as negative three. She’s also voiced by guest star Sofia Vergara. So, yeah, she’s something else.
I mean, she’s so hot, Nelson’s father (temporarily) came back to check her out. Heck, Patty was checking her out.
As it is, Skinner noticed too. Bart noticed Skinner. Skinner noticed Bart. Ms. Berrara noticed both of them. Who will win?
Um, Skinner will. He’s an adult. Bart’s still a kid. Bart’s best move is to “accidentally” fly off the jungle gym and hit his head, asking teacher to kiss his owie, but for a male student, that’s Groundskeeper Willie’s job. He also pranks Skinner’s gift chocolates, but then Lisa points out that Bart’s acting in a way that isn’t very mature, and he agrees and steps aside.
That would be fine for Skinner, but then Ms. Berrara meets Skinner’s mother, and she decides to re-up and return to Afghanistan because Agnes is horrifying on many levels. As such, Bart and Milhouse invite Skinner to roast some marshmellows, and Skinner uses Bart’s (huge) permanent record to fuel the fire. Everything works out for Bart and Lisa once they stop drinking the milk, and by that I mean everything goes back to normal when Lisa tries to show off her “problem skin” at the party and there isn’t any, so she’s back to being an outcast.
As for Maggie, well, she’s using her strength to stop Bart and Lisa from fighting.
Was it an odd episode? Yeah. But it opened with this odd couch gag: