Simpsons Did It!: “Homer Scissorhands”

Hey, it’s another episode where a member of the Simpson family discovers a heretofore unknown skill, uses it for a while, and then forgets about it afterwards.

This time, it’s Homer as a hairdresser.

But let’s hit the subplot first:  after finally seeing the first scene of Finding Nemo, Milhouse has decided to live life to the fullest and tell Lisa how he feels.  Sure, everyone knows this already, but he’s going to say so anyway.  He writes a rather bad song to sing in the cafeteria, something that sounds a lot like “Greensleeves,” but it doesn’t work on Lisa.  It does work on a fifth grader named Taffy (guest star Kristen Schaal, name tragically misspelled in the closing credits and my autocorrect keeps wanting to make it “school”), which baffles Lisa until she follows the pair, breaks them up, and admits to maybe liking Milhouse.  Milhouse then happily falls off a cliff only to be rescued by an eagle.

But back to Homer and Marge.  See, the kids accidentally get paint in Patty’s hair while she’s sleeping, and while Homer is initially elated that he isn’t responsible, it is quickly pointed out he’s the responsible parent hanging around, so he needs to fix it.  Using a pair of garden sheers, Homer…actually gives Patty a really nice cut.  Heck, Selma wants one for herself.  And then Lindsay Naegle.  Homer’s really good at this, since, you know, being bald taught him the true value of hair, so he opens a salon at the location of an out-of-business “get your own honey” store that the Sea Captain thought was worth a shot.  I know I’d buy honey from the Sea Captain!

But there’s a downside to being a brilliant hairdresser:  he has to listen to the women complain about their men.  All day.  Every day.

He can’t even enjoy Moe’s when he sees the guys and their flaws light up in boxes next to them.  Moe being labeled “murderer” was bad, but that was actually part of a particularly gruesome Duff promotional poster.  Homer can’t close the shop either when Chief Wiggum threatens him by being annoying before the big Policeman’s Ball.  Homer even tries drinking the comb disinfectant looking to die.  It doesn’t work!

But something can!  He and Marge show up for the ball where Marge has hair that outshines the rest!  And Homer claims he didn’t do it!  Who did?  Julio!  And he doesn’t mind gossip in the slightest.

So, Homer can now retire from hairdressing, saving his skills for Marge alone, and we can learn the really disturbing thing for the episode.

Lunchlady Doris and Hans Moleman are a couple.