March 26, 2023

Gabbing Geek

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Simpsons Did It!: “Judge Me Tender”

In which Moe finds success as a contest judge.

Here we are, at the end of the season twenty-one.  Man, how time has flown!

Or been completely wasted by me.  You decide!

Bart and Homer are bonding in an activity that has nothing to do with Bart’s grades, so naturally Bart puts a lot more effort into it.  What are they doing?  Getting’s Santa’s Little Helper ready for an Ugly Dog contest.

Said contest doesn’t go over well for the audience when host/judge Krusty is clearly phoning it in when insulting the dogs.  Sitting in the audience, well, on the floor since no one would let him take a seat next to them (Agnes Skinner set a free chair on fire to avoid sitting next to him), Moe starts shouting insults at Krusty.  Good ones, too,  Incensed, Krusty offers to let Moe take his spot.  Moe accepts and does really well with the comedy insults.  Homer and Bart prevail with the renamed “Satan’s Little Helper” coming in with his tail disguised as his face.  But no one wants to congratulate the Simpsons.  They want to congratulate Moe for the fine job he did.

The dog, meanwhile, feels bad because people said he was ugly.  Lisa fixed that later.  She’s sweet.

All this judging success means Moe is in high demand.  First he’s asked to judge a crazy beard contest.  He accepts, but to shoo the regulars out of the Tavern, he reaches towards a gun rack and then starts switching the lights on and off.  That works on the adult men.  Lisa, not so much, so Moe has to buy some band candy.  That makes for a nice reoccurring gag.

But now Moe is so busy judging that Homer has to stay home, and that drives Marge nuts enough to try sending him with less success to other bars because he’s driving her nuts.

And as for Moe, well, he’s judging everything in Springfield from bullying contests to surgical stitching.  He’s so good, he’s asked to come try out for a whole host of Fox reality shows, all of which are canceled before Moe gets to the studio save one:  American Idol.

But will Moe’s shtick work on Idol?  Returning guest voice Simon Cowell advises against it.  Don’t be the mean judge or you get stuck in a role.  And besides, Cowell has footage of many Springfield residents showing hatred for Moe and his insult-heavy judging ways.  Ralph Wiggum’s was largely bleeped out due to high profanity.  Ashamed, Moe thinks about pulling back on the nastiness.

So, it’s the big day, and Moe is judging a singer alongside guest stars Cowell, Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, extra-special guest Ellen DeGeneres (yes, she dances), and there’s guest voice Ryan Seacrest doing his thing, and Moe realizes he can be mean and be more like Cowell, who can resist buying Lisa’s band candy, or he can try being nice.  He goes with nice.  He’s booed for it.  Cowell didn’t give him the advice to make him popular.  He did it because he saw Moe as cheaper competition that needed to be eliminated.  Moe ended up attacking Cowell, or trying to when security got him first.  He did rip Cowell’s t-shirt…

As for Marge, she learned a valuable lesson when she finally found a new activity for Homer:  golf.  But an old man there never saw his wife or his daughter’s wedding, so Marge puts a stop to that before Homer manages a single swing.  Funny, I could have sworn Homer got pretty good at golf before…

As it is, Moe’s actions prevent him from judging any more contests due to a legal ruling, and he isn’t even able to run Fox programming anywhere, not even in the Tavern.  That actually makes his bar more popular.  Final guest star Rupert Murdoch even asks to watch The Tonight Show.

Rupert loves him some Jay Leno.

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