Like the cleaning of a house, these write-ups never end.
OK, theoretically they will someday. But for now…
So, first episode after the movie, and what do we have?
Hey, it’s Plopper!
So, on with the show, an episode that features a running gag where Mr. Burns has swallowed his cell phone. Why should we care about Burns? Well, he tries to pick up a penny from a mall water fountain and gets sucked into the pipes. He’d drown if Homer hadn’t wandered by and, after some deliberation, pulled the old man out. Grateful, Burns decides to take Homer out to dinner.
Where does Mr. Burns take Homer? Chicago, onboard Burns’ private jet, where the sexy blonde stewardess will do anything except have sex, and guest star Lionel Richie apparently takes requests that involve inserting the word “beer” into his songs. And even though Chicago is a ton of fun for Homer and Burns, the private plane is really where Homer has a good time. They need a special robot just to pull him out.
I’m amazed Marge knows what Chicago smells like.
But now Homer knows what the sweet life is, and how he’ll never really experience it. He’s bummed, so Marge hires him a life coach named Colby Kraus. Kraus looks a lot like Stephen Colbert. He’s also voiced by Stephen Colbert. I really miss The Colbert Report some days…
As it is, Kraus works really hard to tell Homer how worthless he is, but the amazing thing is Homer seems like a different man when he’s wearing a pair of bowling shoes. In bowling shoes, Homer is confident in his abilities. He’s so confident, he’ll quit his job and walk off for a better one with the Rich Texan’s copper tubing company. And man, that interview sure looked like it was going well.
I mean, Kraus leaves and Homer gets out bright and early to go to work, and…then he goes to Krustyburger and looks miserable all day. What happened?
Well, after Bart found him there, Homer explained that he didn’t get the job because he surprisingly knew nothing about copper tubing and some knowledge was apparently essential. Who knew? Homer basically can’t bear to tell Marge. He’ll have to find a way to do it gently, so he lies about being a marine and bribes the pilot of Burns’ private plane to take him and Marge up where he can tell her at 30,000 feet. That sure sounds like a solid plan. Semper Fudge!
Well, there was a problem. See, the pilot wasn’t expecting to fly that day, so he took some heroin before takeoff and then he can’t fly or stay awake from the looks of things. Marge calls Kraus and to try and get him to convince Homer that the Simpson patriarch can land a plane with zero experience. And sure, Kraus has to admit he’s kind of a loser himself, but he can get Homer motivated by telling Homer that no one believes he can do anything like land a plane safely, so Homer should show those people.
That works! Homer lands the plane safely! Then he drops it into the ocean anyway while trying to taxi to the hanger.
Well, everyone was rescued. Even Lionel Richie.
Maybe he could have landed the plane though, now that I think about it.