Simpsons Did It!: “Little Big Girl”

Wait, is Bart in love again?  He’s ten years old!

Springfield Elementary is having a multi-cultural day, and Lisa is upset because apparently there’s nothing even remotely interesting in the Simpson Family Tree.  What to do?  Inspired by Bart playing dirty games with a butter box’s mascot, Lisa makes up a Native American tribe and wears those infamous corn-cob curtains to school.  Somehow this works, and she’s chosen to speak at a larger city forum.  Yeah, this whole thing consumes Lisa with guilt, especially when she’s tapped to go speak at a Native American conference and finally snaps under the pressure and tells the assembled crowd she made the whole thing up.  And, it turns out, she wasn’t the only one there doing that.

At that point, Homer remembers his great-great grandmother may have been Native American.

No one had asked him.

However it turned out, Cletus was so pleased at his own son getting the family-high grade of C- at the same event that a fire broke out.  As the fire spread, Principal Skinner wanted the fire dealt with, but someone had stolen the school’s entire supply of fire extinguishers.  Who was it?  Bart and Milhouse.  Bart had rigged the extinguishers to the back of a wagon to give himself a rocket boost of speed.  And it turned out this was OK because Bart’s prank spread the extinguisher foam all over Springfield and put out that raging fire before it hit the flammable district.  As a reward, Bart can have anything he wants from the city.  He chooses a driver’s license.  A real one this time.

Yeah, so now Bart is driving Homer’s car all over.  Does this bother Homer?  No, because he gave Bart a cell phone so Homer can call Bart whenever he wants Bart to run an errand for Homer.  This happens rather frequently due to Homer’s drinking habits and general stupidity.  Finally having enough, Bart drives off and arrives in North Haverbrook, where he tries to pick up some girls like all ten-year olds do.  He succeeds with older girl Darcy (guest star Natalie Portman), a girl who believes Bart when he says he has that illness that makes people prematurely old, but he overdosed on the cure medicine and that’s why he looks like a ten-year old driving a car.  The two date for a while, making out in the car, when Darcy suggests Bart needs to marry her because, well, she’s pregnant.

No, Bart is not the father, but Bart’s general ignorance on where babies come from is how Darcy realized Bart really is ten.  The father was a Norwegian exchange student who went back to Norwegia.

However, she wants her baby to be legitimate, so Bart (eventually) agrees to marry her, and for that, the two will need to go to Utah, because as far as marriage goes, apparently anything goes out there.

Now, obviously Bart didn’t get married.  Portman isn’t a regular cast member or anything.  No, Homer, Marge, and Darcy’s parents track the two with Homer’s credit card statements and manage to get to the chapel on time.  And while Darcy’s dad threatens Bart, no one gets hurt since Bart doesn’t really know karate.  The whole thing works out when it’s revealed Darcy’s mom is also pregnant, so the two babies will be passed off as twins.  Happy ending?

Well, Bart was sure he would have been a good dad.  Homer thinks Bart will be someday.  Bart also thinks Homer will be a good dad someday.

Someday.