And here we are with season eighteen, and somehow some kid named Michael is attending Springfield Elementary but no one knows whose kid he is.
He’s Fat Tony’s son. And yes, Fat Tony is still being played by the great Joe Mantegna.
But before we get back to the Springfield Mafia, we need to discuss how the hell Lisa made friends with this kid, and it started off with a series of accidents on the bus. Lisa tugged on Otto’s headphones, causing his walkman to fall down and explode. The radio doesn’t help, and neither do the songs the kids themselves are singing. Otto can’t take it much more, especially from Kearney who was in the third grade with Otto.
But then there may be some salvation! A tour bus has broken down nearby! Not just any tour bus! Metallica’s tour bus! And yes, all the members of the band have a line. Otto is in a good place, offering the band a ride, but then Bart drives the bus away himself and Metallica gets a ride from a “real fan,” namely Hans Moleman. Moleman says he once slept with Lars Ulrich’s grandmother.
That infuriates Otto enough to actually spank Bart. That gets him suspended without pay. That means we need to set up a carpool, and Marge is driving a bunch of kids in the morning. The last one she picks up is Michael. Nelson picks on him initially until Marge has to drive up Michael’s driveway to see Michael’s father: Fat Tony.
You know what happens after you bully a mobster’s son? You stop bullying the mobster’s son and get very afraid. As it is, so does everyone else in the school, so Lisa takes some pity on the boy and makes nice with him. That comes in handy when Fat Tony picks the kids up later, but first Fat Tony has to ditch a car trying to run them off the road for a rival mob family. Fat Tony ditches a trapper keeper, which causes the other car to blow its tire and collide with a baking soda truck. That isn’t so bad. The vinegar tanker that hits them makes things a little messy, but nothing awful. The TNT truck that hits them next…
Well, Lisa’s friendliness gets Marge to talking with Fat Tony, who reveals his wife was whacked by natural causes. He then invites the Simpsons over for dinner.
Too bad the rival family is having a sit down on the same night. The heads of that family have two guys voiced by Sopranos cast members Michael Imperioli and Joe Pantoliano. The sit down seems to be working, but there’s a problem.
See, Michael doesn’t want to be another mobster like his dad. He wants to be a chef. And while his souffles please the Simpsons, Michael telling his dad and the other mobsters he wants to be a chef, that seemingly lose of manliness could put Fat Tony’s life in danger.
Wait, did I say it could? I mean it will. The other family soon shoots him up with an attack helicopter. He’ll live, but Michael can’t run the family business. Homer and Bart offer to instead, and that makes things worse, so Michael cooks a meal for the other mob family as a sign of surrender.
Well, except the meatballs were poisoned. Oops. That’s a mistake.
Or it is? Fat Tony is happy and alive. Michael seems OK. Lisa is being shut out.
Literally. They did The Godfather ending. You know the one. Eep.