April 17, 2024

Gabbing Geek

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Simpsons Did It!: “The Wettest Stories Ever Told”

In which we get an anthology of tales about boats. No, seriously. Boats.

Aw man, another anthology episode.  These recaps never go well.

The Simpsons are out to dinner at the Frying Dutchman, the Sea Captain’s seafood restaurant.  Why eat there?  I mean, we’re told it isn’t even as nice as Red Lobster, and that remark came from the Sea Captain himself!  Must be because Homer won a lawsuit against the place.

Of course, the Simpsons have been waiting for a while, and that should mean they get a free meal.  That’s what happens when I have to wait a long time unexpectedly, though probably never because the chef is in a knife fight with an octopus.  The Sea Captain suggests they tell sea tales and such, but he doesn’t know any.  What is that guy good for?

So, we get three tales.  It’s always three tales unless they can squeeze a fourth in somehow.

First Lisa recounts the Mayflower sailing for the New World, where Homer hides onboard to get out of trouble and ends up somehow romancing Pilgrim Marge away from Pilgrim Moe, and then guides the ship to shore safely when Moe gets him drunk during a storm.  Then there’s an Indian genocide joke at the first Thanksgiving.  Stupid Flandish.

Bart somehow knows the about the mutiny on the Bounty, recounting Principal Skinner as Captain Bligh leading a ship full of kids plus Groundskeeper Willie.  After a Tahiti stopover, the children mutiny against Bligh’s horribly strict rules.  Then Willie mutinies on the lifeboat the two adults are set adrift on.  One man cannot sing a round, Bligh.  Bligh then found yet another mutiny when the sea turtle he was riding opting to dive.  But Bart as new captain ditches the ship’s wheel as a symbol of oppression and also as the one thing that allows anyone to actually steer the ship and they never get back to Tahiti.

Finally, Homer tells the story of that great ocean-based story…The Poseidon Adventure?!  That’s pretty lame.  It is made less so when the Bounty sails up alongside at the end and the skeletal ghost crew asks for directions to Tahiti.  They don’t really get them.

I told you they never got back to Tahiti.