Gabbing Geek Robot Month: The Best Robot Ever

We’re getting to the end of Robot Month here at Gabbing Geek and we’ve saved the best for last.  Or second to last.  Or third.  Whatever.  It’s near the end.

I present to you the best robot ever, hands down:

And he doesn’t even have any hands.  Deal with it.

That’s right, Jinx from the movie SpaceCamp.  Don’t think Jinx is the best robot ever?  Allow me to make my case with the following five reasons.

1. Jinx burns with more passion than anyone ever

Jinx was a robot that was deemed unsuitable for space travel for two reasons.  First, he overheated a lot.  Second, he took things too literally.  Let’s face it, that second one could have been fixed if the programmers cared enough.  But they probably didn’t because of Jinx’ fiery passion for space exploration.  Because Jinx couldn’t go into space because he got too hot.  Jinx got too hot for space.  

Now, in case you haven’t seen Guardians of the Galaxy 1 or 2, you should know that space is cold, yo.  If you don’t have a decent space suit you’re likely to turn into a personsicle.

“It’s cool. Gamora. You take my magic heating helmet. I’ll just chill here.”

Jinx didn’t have that problem.  He was too hot for space.  Watson reads that sentence very differently, but all of us know that for a robot to be too hot to survive in temperatures approximately 450 degrees below zero means that he’s super hot about something.  How he ever survived in the warm moisture of Florida we may never know.  But he’s a passionate, passionate robot and that should be commended.

2. Jinx put Max in space

Jinx’s main purpose in the movie was to put his good buddy Max into space because that’s what Max dreams of and, dammit, when you’re a robot best friend you make dreams come true.  So he came up with a plan to put his best friend into orbit without the necessary supplies to come back to the Earth because, well, that’s Max’s fault for not being more precise in his wishes.  Max should have wished to visit space and then return home safely.  But noooooo…he just had to cry about wishing he was in space.  So Jinx did it.  He made his stupid, stupid friend’s dream come true.

The fact that Jinx put his best friend’s life in jeopardy isn’t his fault.  Jinx is a goddamn angel.

And he has a halo to prove it.

3. Jinx can get Max back

When the collective brain trust of NASA was trying to get the space shuttle back to Earth, none of them, NOT ONE, noticed that a big red button is blinking in ways that it shouldn’t blink.  Jinx rolled right into mission control and immediately spotted the communication channel.  He was probably doing a billion other things at the same time like playing a bunch of hands of Solitaire at the same time and winning them all, but no big deal he can save your collective asses, NASA scientists.  Tom Skeritt, being extra Skeritty, immediately offered to treat Jinx to a can of oil.  Jinx was pleased.

But he shouldn’t have been pleased, because then Jinx was immediately sent away and they ask some guy to translate the blinking lights.  Maybe the one guy in the whole room who knows Morse Code but didn’t see the light for the MANY MANY HOURS it had been blinking?!?!

Oh, hey, NASA, since you’re all smart and stuff, how about you have the robot translate for you?  Since it knows Morse Code.  And doesn’t have to blink.  And figured it out in the first goddamn place.  Sure, without Jinx causing an artificial thermal curtain failure there wouldn’t have been an accidental launching of a space shuttle with a horribly unqualified crew of teenagers to rescue, but Jinx has now figured out that he wants to get Max back so LET THE WOOKIEE WIN!  Or just let Jinx help.  Dummies.

Jinx would like to go back in the closet with Max. Oh, wait, that makes a lot more sense now…

4. Jinx steals every scene he’s in against major star power

SpaceCamp came out in 1986 and featured some major up and comers and leading talent of the day.  This giant white ball of a robot shared screen time with Kate Capshaw, Kelly Preston, Tate Donovan, the aforementioned Tom Skeritt, Lea Thompson, Larry B. Scott (Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds…hey, he was HUGE in the 80s), and Joaquin Phoenix.  But you know who delivered such a powerful performance that he was immediately typecast as a one-note robot and never graced the silver screen?

I’ll give you a hint–you’re looking at a naked picture of him.

5. Jinx was voiced by one of the greatest voice talents ever

Frank Welker provided the special vocal effects for Jinx.  Yes, special vocal effects, that’s how it was credited.  I imagine because Frank and Jinx worked together a lot before the movie was filmed and Jinx just modeled his performance after Welker.  If that’s the case, Jinx made an outstanding selection.

Take a look at Frank Welker’s IMDB page and you’ll see a huge list of geek properties you know and love.   Here are just some of the highlights:

  • Scooby-Doo
  • Odin
  • Curious George
  • A bunch of characters on The Simpsons
  • Sven (from Frozen)
  • Megatron
  • A bunch of characters on Futurama
  • Azrael
  • Thassarian (the first Alliance Death Knight in World of Warcraft, but you knew that)
  • Garfield

The list goes on and on.  Odds are you’ve heard Frank Welker probably hundreds of times but you can’t say a single one of his quotes.  But see SpaceCamp once and you’ll be able to recite “Jinx put Max in space!” for the rest of your life.

Jinx loves you this much, Mr. Welker. Okay, it looks better in person.

So as Robot Month comes to a close here at Gabbing Geek, you just all remember who’s the best robot out there.  Because Jinx is still out there.  And he wants to be your friend and send your ass into space.

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