July 23, 2024

Gabbing Geek

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Vikings “Portage”

Season Four, Episode Eight.

So many plots I don’t care about this week…

First plot I don’t care about:

WESSEX

To be fair, I haven’t cared much about what’s going down in Wessex for a while now.  There’re no vikings there.  Why should I care?

Well, Ecbert told Queen Crazypants he is now also king of Mercia, so she tries to sneak out of Wessex, then tries to kill Ecbert, but Judith gets her first.  And Ecbert is in love with Judith.

So much for Queen Crazypants.

Second plot I don’t care about:

ODO

Count Odo was exposed by those other people who had it in for him and he got a whippin’ .  Emperor Charles gives the Iron Hand, symbol of the Franks’ top defender, to Rollo.  And Rollo used his special powers to knock up Gisla.  To be fair, many men have those special powers.  They actually aren’t that special.

Third plot I don’t care about:

ASLAUG AND HARBARD

Aslaug finds out Harbard is sleeping with at least two other women.  More or less at the same time.  She doesn’t like that.  He says because he may be a god, everything he does is holy and OK and a lot of stuff that made me think he sounds like a cult leader.  He leaves Kattegat.

Fourth plot I don’t care about:

RAGNAR’S DRUG ABUSE

Yeah, Yidu may be out of her special “medicine,” but mentioning she knows about the deaths at the Wessex settlement means Ragnar has had enough of her inscrutable ways, so he drowns her in the river.  Methinks he’s going cold turkey very soon whether he wants to or not.  Besides, he’s just plain out of it right now.

A plot I am indifferent about:

BJORN AND TORVI

‘Nuff said.

And as for the rest…

Ragnar did have a brilliant idea to get past the forts and the chains and things that stopped the ships the first time.  He basically gets everybody to tote the boats over a cliff and across a mountain to a place where they can drop the boats back in the river away from the obstacles Rollo put up.  That Asshole Floki is back on Ragnar’s side and glad to do it.  And Helga’s awake again.  So, maybe we’re getting somewhere.