Vikings “Promised”

So, the Wessex plot just keeps on going there.  Paris is starting to go that way too.  I really don’t see why we need to care about Count Odo’s upcoming betrayal.  At least Rollo and Gisla are getting along now, and we do see Rollo has taught the Franks how to stop the Viking ships, though he does counsel doing more since vikings are nothing if not creative in how they slaughter people during raids.

And with that in mind, let’s go back to Scandinavia where the interesting stuff happens.

Let’s point out the obvious, namely regarding the events that bookend the episode:  Kalf is a dumbass.  Elated with news Lagertha is pregnant, he gets her to promise to marry him.  Apparently, he never paid a bit of attention when Lagertha said she’d kill him for taking her land.  And, just before the wedding…she kills him for taking her land.  He said so many ironically tragic things before he got knifed too.  Sucks to be Horik Junior.

Especially since Torvi identified that ring Bjorn found as belonging to her ex-husband.

More and more though, it is a wonder Lagertha didn’t turn Ragnar into one of those eunuchs Yidu tells him about.

Bjorn’s in demand, though.  King Finehair is trying to win the lad over, and even brings along his crazier brother Halfdan the Black.  By the by, Halfdan the Black does not dress in black, his hair isn’t black, nothing black about the guy.  What a gyp!

Bjorn also has a talk with Ragnar.  Ragnar seems a bit…weird.  Probably because Yidu is giving him drugs.  Drugs are bad, m’kay?  I mean, yeah, Ragnar admits he’s a bad husband and probably a bad father, but he’s acting a little off.  Plus, he tells Yidu about the dead Viking settlement in Wessex.  Yidu shares her own secret of being an emperor’s daughter in China, because of course she is.

Seriously, the Chinese woman subplot is not working.

And now that That Asshole Floki is allowed inside again, he’s even crazier, gleefully telling Finehair how he killed Rangar’s “pet Christian”.  But even That Asshole Floki is horrified when his new student Ivar kills another kid during some rough play.  Who gave Ivar a weapon?  Seriously.

So, yeah, there are limits to even what That Asshole Floki finds amusing.