Brian (Paul Walker) is the only returning cast member for this sequel that somehow wasn’t the death knell of the franchise. This past week, Ryan and Jimmy rewatched while Tom checked it out for the very first time. Here’s what they had to say…
tomk: 2 Fast 2 Furious: Assignment Miami Beach.
So, that was something, wasn’t it?
jimmy: It was actually better than I remember it. Pales in comparison to the first one (so you must hate it), but is even better for “franchise building” than part one. That said, outside of a couple of average performances, the rest of the acting is just awful. I found Dexter’s dad particularly terrible. And the cops come off even dumber and more incompetent this go round.
tomk: I just pretended he was still Dexter’s dad. It was set in the same city.
And I oddly enough didn’t hate this one. It was very by-the-numbers and predictable, asking Paul Walker to carry the movie by himself while treating Roman as a somewhat less competent sidekick, but I actually liked the extended background given to Brian.
jimmy: That’s a good point about Dexter’s dad. And if he was a ghost the whole time and his ineptitude was all just part of a dream sequence, it all makes much more sense.
tomk: It also explains why at the end of the movie, he seems fine with the protagonist maybe engaging in criminal activity.
ryan: Yo, who’s Dexter’s dad, bruh?
tomk: The FBI agent who tries to arrest Brian and Roman during their trial run.
ryan: Oh you mean the customs guy, cuz?
tomk: Was he customs? Yeah, that guy.
ryan: Totally customs, bruh.
tomk: Your latest trip to New York has changed you, Ryan. The Great Comet must have done something to your mind. Or this movie did. It sure does have a ridiculous title by sequel standards.
ryan: It was, you know, all that top notch dialogue cuz.
tomk: Of course. And hey, the silent ninja prostitute from Sin City can talk!
ryan: If you played a drinking game and took a shot anytime bro, bruh, or cuz was said you would die of alcohol poisoning halfway through the movie.
tomk: I say the same thing about an Othello drinking game if you do it anytime Iago is called honest and Othello is referred to as “the Moor”…different level of dialogue there.
ryan: My favorite line is when Brian says he should have helped Rome when Rome got busted. He says you know three times in one sentence. THREE TIMES.
tomk: That was for slower people in the audience.
ryan: Not that the series is ever known for dialogue. But still.
tomk: You want dialogue? Get a magazine!
ryan: This was such a fun movie. It starts making the transition to future movies. Step 1: TURNS! The first movie was all about drag racing and crime. This was about street racing and crime.
Step 2: Actual heist. With twists and different interests. Had some fun with it. More than just straight stealing money.
Step 3: The twist. It’s tame here but there was no twist in the first movie. First was very straight forward, like a drag race. This had some schemes within schemes. Still timid but baby steps.
Step 4: Fun. If you don’t laugh when HUNDREDS of street racers come pouring out of that garage then you’re just dead inside.
tomk: Crap. I’m still dead inside…mostly because I kinda saw it coming. I was mostly wondering how they fit so many cars into that garage.
ryan: You need to learn how to turn off your brain sometimes. Maybe drinking?
tomk: I gotta take up drinking now? Well, I did recently learn of a fun, new drinking game.
ryan: One wonders how they got all those racers to do this scramble.
“Okay, here’s the deal. We’re going to open the doors and your job is to hit the police cars if you’re a truck or escape if you’re a car. Any questions? Yes, Emilio?”
“Yeah, cuz. Why we doing this, bro?”
“SHUT UP EMILIO! Nobody likes you, you know that? Any other questions? Great. Let’s go!”
tomk: They knew more people than I thought.
jimmy: It was a ridiculous amount of cars. And who, you know, saw the car switch coming?!? I mean, no one could have seen that coming bruh! You know, that was, you know, brilliant!
tomk: I must have been distracted by thinking how much the bad guy looked like Ben Savage.
jimmy: I couldn’t see past his horrible acting and chest hair.
tomk: If you saw it like I did, maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad. Well, maybe the chest hair.
Besides, the cop he threatened with that rat got so frustrated he decided to be a crooked cop in a safer place, namely Gotham City.
jimmy: At least the Joker doesn’t torture you with rats. He’d just drive a pencil through your brain. Done.
tomk: That’s really more of a John Wick thing. Rats in hot buckets is pure Game of Thrones.
jimmy: An interesting torture technique all the same. Disturbing and disgusting, but interesting.
tomk: It’s cheap and it works. That’s all you need to know.
jimmy: I hope it wasn’t Willie’s bucket though.
ryan: Is that where I’d seen the rat bucket thing? I couldn’t remember.
tomk: It’s where I saw it before. Somehow I doubt 2 Fast invented it.
Not quite the same, but hey…Chuck Norris!
ryan: Wikipedia says it was created in a 1997 novel Temple of the Winds. In related news, there’s a wikipedia page on rat torture. Because of course there is, bruh.
tomk: Cuz, that is so extreme.
Then again, there was some sort of rat torture in Orwell’s 1984. More to the face than the gut…
ryan: Yeah the page covers that. But this hot bucket rat thing was 97 apparently.
ryan: Also, bro, does anyone remember in the first movie when they mention Brian had a juvenile record for boosting cars. I could’ve sworn that took place in Phoenix, no?
tomk: Who can say with an undercover cop, cuz?
ryan: Damn, son, that’s locked up.
jimmy: In Tucson Ryan.
ryan: okay I was close. Then wtf is up with Barstow?
jimmy: Born in Barstow and where he met Roman.
ryan: So why would he boost cars in Tucson when LA is much closer? Weird.
tomk: Did you guys get the option to watch a short film before the movie started? I did. It was a dialogue-free short showing Paul Walker driving east and getting into drag races along the way as he fled the authorities.
ryan: Seriously? Never saw that short. How did you watch?
jimmy: Me neither, but is probably on my Blu-Ray…
tomk: I had the option of watching it before the movie started. So, I did. It was short, more like when the Muppets travel by map to get places quickly.
ryan: Here’s the info on the short.
jimmy: I guess I better check that out. Funny how we are discovering all these things.
ryan: My iTunes copy doesn’t have the short.
jimmy: Looks like there are several copies on the Youtubes.
ryan: You’re good, bruh.
jimmy: I got your back cuz.
So I watched the prelude. It was…interesting. Looked like it was made by a film school drop out for like $1000.
So was there any point to Eva Mendes character besides looking pretty and good in a bikini? I know she was their “in” to get to “generic bad guy”, but she didn’t seem to have much more usefulness than that.
tomk: She’s not as useful as Brian’s actual love interest in the film…Roman.
jimmy: Not that there’s, you know, anything wrong with that bruh!
tomk: Not in the slightest, broseph.
Look, Eva is undercover, and she’s been undercover for a long time.
Here she is, starting her cover by following the bad guy around while both are still in high school.
Yes, I am going to beat this Boy Meets World thing only I see into the ground.
Anything else to add here bros?
tomk: I actually liked the backstory they gave Brian, and the explanation they gave for his letting Dom go.
Also, given how often Roman needed Brian to save his ass, I was a little surprised the movie was directed by the man who gave us Boyz’n the Hood.
ryan: I’m good. But we now have a dilemma. Are we watching in release or story order? Because that impacts our next movie.
jimmy: I vote release order. What do you think?
Plus then we get Tokyo Drift out of the way and can concentrate on the good stuff. 🙂
tomk: Release order. I can figure out a timeline. I’m not Jenny when it comes to numbers.