May 27, 2024

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Vikings “The Usurper”

Season Three, Episode Five.

Man, I know Floki is That Asshole, but there’s a lot of Assholery going on in this episode.

The viking raiders return home.  Bad news for some, particularly Rollo when he learns Siggy’s dead.  That just provokes curiosity in Ragnar since he wants to know why Aslaug wasn’t watching the boys when Siggy rescued them.  Aslaug evades, and even suggests Ragnar slept around too much in England since he doesn’t want sex from her.

Right.  He did that.  So, Asshole #1:  Aslaug for putting her deeds on other people.

That leads to Asshole #2:  That Asshole Floki.  Obviously.  He can read Helga like a book and learns all about Harbard.  Though That Asshole Floki reasons that Harbard is actually Odin in disguise, That Asshole Floki also reasons that it isn’t Helga’s place to tell Ragnar.  It’s his own Asshole Self.  That Asshole Floki’s ongoing hatred for Athelstan even has the shipbuilder convinced Ragnar is taking too much advice from the Christian priest who, really, hasn’t done more than share knowledge.  He hasn’t even tried to convert anybody.  And Athelstan getting credit for telling Ragnar about Paris (where the next raid will be) doesn’t help much.

As for Asshole #3 we have Rollo.  Rollo goes back to drinking and jealousy.  He gets into a fistfight with, oh, everybody, and only Bjorn laying a beatdown on him keeps Rollo from getting more hurt than he is.  If there’s anything to go on, it’s the Eyeless Seer Dude gives both Lothbrok brothers the same prophecy, and it may be good news for Rollo who actually blames himself for Siggy’s death.  In the grand scheme of things, Rollo isn’t much of an asshole in this episode, but we can see the set-up here again for more of Asshole Rollo as it is.

But Rollo isn’t the last asshole in his family.  Asshole #4 is Ragnar, who rather than help Lagertha get her title back decides to offer her usurper a place in the next raid.  How many times must he disappoint that woman?  Minor Asshole Points for Bjorn for trying to stop his mama from leaving to go…wherever it is she’s going.

But we have Assholes In Other Lands!  Asshole #5 is Ecbert Jr.  Whatever his name is.  He finds out his wife Judith is pregnant, and it can’t possibly be his.  His father has him handle a dispute between the Northmen settlers and some other farmers.  Junior does so by massacring everyone in the Viking Settlement, even the kids.  Boo!

Minor asshole points there for Athelstan for knocking up Judith and leaving her alone with that douche.

But wait, there’s still one last Asshole.  Probably the biggest after Floki (and Floki is just at the top on general principle) is King Ecbert himself.  It seems the massacre was his idea to both remove the settlement AND eliminate some bothersome nobles who were causing him problems.  Given how this show works, I think at some point Ragnar will be King of Wessex too.

So, yeah, major asshole move there.  But wait, That Asshole Floki seemed to enjoy explaining to Ragnar how his wife cheated on him with a guy That Asshole Floki believes is Odin.  And man, it looks like Ragnar wants nothing to do with that information so That Asshole Floki should probably learn to read body language better.

This has been The Asshole Report.