Simpsons Did It!: “Girly Edition”

You know what kids don’t do all that much?  Watch the news.

Krusty the Clown’s show may be entertaining, and he may be a total sell-out, but he isn’t all that educational.  Sure, Itchy and Scratchy may teach valuable lessons like how mice are untrustworthy and cats are made of glass, but that doesn’t count for much, and The Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Chocobot Hour is barely legal as it is.  To stay on the government’s good side, Krusty must give up ten minutes for education programming.

Cut to Springfield Elementary, where two things of note happen.  First, Bart destroys Groundskeeper Willy’s shack with a cream corn hose.  Second, Principal Skinner chooses Lisa to anchor the new Kids News show.  The former might be more auspicious since unlike most of Bart’s victims, Willy might actually get violent on Bart.  Um, oops.

Well, Bart manages to become the sports guy on Lisa’s show due to Marge’s intervention.  Lisa had already hired a few kids from school to fill various slots, like Nelson, who she briefly dated.  Wait, Lisa is responsible for casting too?  Didn’t the station ever hear of an audition?

Well, Lisa takes the job seriously, while Bart goes a little crazy with the sports report.  That actually gets Bart promoted to co-anchor, and when Bart overhears Lisa telling an adult producer that Bart’s not that bright, Bart goes for help to the one man in town who might know a thing or two about putting on a news show…Kent Brockman.  The secret?  Human interest stories.  Plenty of schmaltz,  very little importance.  But people eat that stuff up.  So take that, Kent’s sister, apparently the CNN White House correspondent.

And Bart’s segment, “Bart’s People,” works.  Lisa wants hard-hitting news.  Bart offers soft stuff involving old veterans sewing flags out of whatever they can find, or an old man unable to feed his ducks when he started sitting in the wrong bench.  Lisa tries to do that sort of thing, but all it gets her is the Springfield Cat Lady tossing live cats at her.

So, Lisa gives Bart a new story about a poor, hardworking immigrant that lost his home.  Off to the junkyard Bart goes, only to find the immigrant in question is an angry Willy.  And the only thing that saves Bart’s bacon is Lisa showing up and playing off Willy’s emotions just like Bart does during his reports.  As such, the two decide to join forces.

That doesn’t work, and the show is canceled.  I told you kids don’t watch the news.

Meanwhile, Homer adopts and ruins a helper monkey.  That’s about all needs to be said there.