Simpsons Did It!: “You Only Move Twice”

Is there a type of boss under whom a man like Homer Simpson could possibly thrive?

Well, yeah, there is.  This John Swartzwelder-scripted episode shows us who that guy would be.

That man would be…Hank Scorpio.  Call him Hank.

Homer gets the job offer to be a big shot for some outfit called “Globex Industries” when Smithers turns it down.  Smithers would never leave Monty Burns.  He even sings about working for Monty Burns.  Homer being the next senior-most man at the power plant is hired instead.  It requires moving the whole family to Cypress Creek, which they do while taking all of the stuff Homer borrowed from Flanders over the years.

Hank Scorpio is the kind of guy who is super-supporting to all his employees.  Generous, fun, and friendly, its easy to see why Homer would thrive there.  Simply asking his crew to work harder gets all the results he could want, and unlike his children, Hank doesn’t laugh when Homer says his dream is to own the Dallas Cowboys.  Really, everything about this job is perfect for Homer.

Well, except for the part where Hank is a supervillain trying to blackmail the world with a doomsday device.  Homer’s a little too oblivious to note the armed guards, death traps for a James Bond by way of Sean Connery spy that Homer inadvertently gets killed, or even death threats to the United Nations.  Or just that giant ray gun pointed towards the sky.

So, Homer has it good, but the rest of the family?  Marge is so bored in an automated house she’s taken to sipping wine all day.  Bart didn’t know cursive writing and was sent to a very slow remedial class.  Lisa loves the nature of Cypress Creek, but she’s allergic to everything and can’t breathe.  The rest of the Simpsons want to go back to Springfield.

And Homer decides to give his family their wish.  Hank’s sorry to see Homer go, but Homer’s resignation came in the middle of an attack by the U.S. Army, so maybe Hank had other problems.  Besides, Hank was laughing pretty hard while spraying down those guys with that flamethrower.  He must be one jolly guy.

So, the Simpsons move back to Springfield.  Hank took over the East Coast.  And as a thank you, Homer became the proud owner of…the Denver Broncos.

Marge thought that was nice, but she clearly didn’t know anything about football.