June 12, 2024

Gabbing Geek

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Rome “Caesarion”

Season One, Episode Eight

For a series called Rome, this particular episode didn’t spend a lot of time there.

Nope, this time we’re in the land of Egypt, where Caesar goes in pursuit of Pompey.

He’s a bit late.  So is Pompey.  The young pharaoh there, Ptolemy XIII, gives Caesar Pompey’s head in a bowl.  Caesar is not amused.  At all.  That was no way to treat a consul of Rome.  The fact that Ptolemy had no idea his kingdom was subservient to Rome makes things worse.  So, while Caesar tries to figure out a way to get back-tribute from Ptolemy, he sees his biggest worries are dealing with a kid and a eunuch advisor.

Oh yeah, Ptolemy looks to be all of eleven years old at most.  He might remind people of Joffrey from Game of Thrones, but not me.  He reminded me of an obnoxious punk-ass version of Manny from Modern Family.


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I mean, that’s what I saw.  I think I’d rather see Manny as a king.  And what is it with Rome and all these punk-ass youngsters?  Between Octavian and Ptolemy, it makes a man glad he has no kids plotting against him.

But moving on…Caesar sees some hope for the Egyptian political conflict for himself by finding someone to unseat Ptolemy, such as his older sister Cleopatra.  All he has to do is find her before Ptolemy’s people do.

It’s a good thing he has Vorenus and Pullo on his payroll, especially as Pullo is the luckiest son of a bitch in Rome.  The two manage to find Cleopatra just before she’s to be murdered by Ptolemy’s guys, and since Pullo is also the Punisher….










I am just full of comparisons today.

Point is, Pullo and Vorenus rescue Cleopatra.  A drug-addled Cleopatra who tosses out her pipe to go cold turkey en route to Alexandria.  A Cleopatra that wants to test her sexiness by seducing a Roman.  And when virtuous, married Vorenus says no after some temptation, Pullo certainly will be up for anything with a sexy young queen..

Getting Cleopatra to Caesar ends up being about all Caesar has to do to dethrone Ptolemy, and Cleopatra is well aware why Caesar called for her.  That doesn’t stop them from having some steamy sex, which is juxtaposed with what looks like Servilia and Octavia doing more or less the same thing.  Oh, and a crowd looking to cause trouble outside Caesar’s house, but sex and violence have been the thing that attracts people to watch TV since TV was invented.  You would not believe the violent acts and rampant nudity that used to be on I Love Lucy.

A year passes, and besides Cicero suggesting to Brutus that they don’t have to follow Marc Antony if Caesar falls, an action Antony seems to have anticipated, we see Caesar and Cleopatra emerge at the end of the episode with a baby boy named Caesarian.  Man, Pullo seems to be really pleased by this development.

Yeah, it could be his kid.  Good thing for him they don’t have Maury Povich around with his paternity testing ways.