Rome “Pharsalus”

OK…what the hell is going on in Rome while the armies are fighting things out in Greece?

What has me so…bamboozled?  Well, in Rome we see Atia scheming for survival as always, and sending Octavia once again to Servilia’s house, looking to get some more guards since it looks like the heavily-outnumbered Caesar is going to lose the war in Greece.  Marc Antony arrived safely in Caesar’s camp, but his 5,000 men weren’t so lucky due to the storm from before.  And while Octavia doesn’t want to be her mama’s go-between, she and Servilia seem to be bonding.  Atia thinks Servilia is a bore.  She isn’t.  She seems kind and maternal to Octavia in ways Atia isn’t, so I had assumed Servilia either has a kinder heart or she’s using this as part of her vengeance against Caesar and Atia.  Then when news comes in that Caesar has prevailed over Pompey and there’s no word on Servilia’s son Brutus one way or the other, Servilia breaks down to cry and Octavia goes to comfort her.

And then they start making out.

Really?  WTF?

This concludes the portion of the recap Watson finds most interesting.

But wait, how did Caesar win if he was so outnumbered?  Well, Caesar used the numbers to his advantage.  Pompey could have just waited for Caesar’s army to starve.  He didn’t.  The Senators pushed for more, and Pompey acquiesced.  Caesar suggested that since his troops could either fight or die, Pompey’s had more options.  So, Caesar prevailed.

But Vorenus and Pullo missed the whole thing.  Pullo is the luckiest son of a bitch in Rome, and Vorenus doesn’t do bad when the two are stuck together, so when the pair wash up the only survivors on a very small island, that luck continues.  Pullo assumes they’ll survive because they always do, and it isn’t long before the two notice the other corpses around them aren’t sinking.  Before you can say, “I think I saw that in the Watchmen book,” the pair are out at sea and wash up on shore where they are found…by Pompey.

But here’s the thing.  Pompey has more or less lost.  The Senators are mostly deserting.  Brutus and Cicero even go to surrender to Caesar personally, and Caesar accepts them back as if nothing had happened.  Pompey’s down to himself, his wife and kids, a handful of servants, and a guy he hired that I will call Noseless McGee.  Noseless McGee proposes to Vorenus and Pullo that they split the bounty on Pompey, and when straight arrow Vorenus says no, he ends up using his sword to make Noseless McGee also known as Throatless McGee.  It was that or Botched Tracheotomy McGee.  The jig is more or less up, and Vorenus and Pompey have a chat where Vorenus basically sees Pompey is a broken man.  Vorenus won’t take a guy like that in.  It would be dishonorable.  Pullo, sure, he would, but not Vorenus.  He and Pullo take a mule and leave the next morning before Pompey’s family wakes up.

And yeah, Caesar is furious at Vorenus, but he also lets the pair off with a lot of shouting because those two guys found his eagle and were among the 12 survivors of the ships sinking and found Pompey and knew where he was going.  Killing either would be a bad thing since they clearly have some sort of divine protection.

See?  Pullo is the luckiest son of a bitch in Rome.

Vorenus does OK too.  Since he may be dead, Niobe and her sister even patch things up.

Not so lucky?  Pompey.  He arrives in Egypt expecting help and gets killed by a former underling in front of his wife and kids.  Oh well.